Passing

[nickd]

I'm very nervous about going out dressed as a male. I have very large chest and am heavy set. Every1 i kno has told me I appear way too feminine to pass as a guy. I'm scared to try and pass b/c of it. I'm not on T nor have I had top surgery thus my body is totally female. Honestly sometimes I'm not sure what I want when it comes to how I want to look. I DEFINITELY do not feel female! but I don't want bottom surgery either. I want to have chest reconstruction so I have a male chest. I just don't know what to do. I desperately want to feel comfortable in my body and with who I am. but I know if I do what it takes to feel that way no1 currently in my life will support me and still be there. Any advice?

[InstantRamen]

I was kind of in the same situation as you a while ago O:. Personally, i just got fed up with how people still saw me as after i came out to them and went my own way, despite what tehy said.  But when i did come out to some, i really didnt expect some people to actually accept me and support me al the way through.  So even if some people may not seem one way, you never really know until it actually happens xD.  With passing, dont let their comments bring you down, theres no real harm in attempting..right? Try buying a binder and dressing a bit loosely, have confidence you can do it  . If you don't like the certain way you look at one point, there's always switching around with different styles and etc.  In the end, no one can decide who you'll be, only you can, its your life and your decisions, best of luck man

[Darrin Scott]

I'm in the same boat. I have a 100% female body right now and am very large chested (I feel like I  keep saying this in every post! sorry all) and I'm heavy too so I know how you feel. I would suggest wearing a binder and some loose male clothing. The problem I have is I'm still read as a butch female. It sucks, but know that you're also early in transition and it's a weird place to be in. Just do what makes you comfortable. If going out dressed as a female bothers you, don't do it. I've been dressing as male ever since I was a kid so it was no big deal. I'd take baby steps if you're concerned about doing it too quickly. Good luck to you on your journey.

[he who shall not be named]

I'm gonna echo what everyone else said -- dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Start buying more masculine clothing, and if that makes you feel good, keep going. I've got big hips and a big chest (curses ) and it's hard for me to find men's clothing that fits properly. In the beginning I got really frustrated because men's pants are just not built for my frame, but I stuck it out and now I'm able to find stuff that fits.

Also, I don't want bottom surgery but I think I'd like chest reconstruction too. I don't think it's that unusual, you're not alone. <3

You mentioned that no one in your life will support you. Is there any way you could find lgbt friendly groups in your area? In college? Being around open-minded, trans-friendly people has helped me a lot.

edit: I should add that I don't pass either, most people read me as a butch woman. Except in women's bathrooms, I get weird looks. Awkward.

[Jasper]

Don't you hate that, when you get ma'amed ten times in a row and then go in the bathroom and get these horrible looks   

To the OP:

I think what's important is that you find a way to be comfortable - for YOU and I know this is way easier to write than to do, but don't worry about whether you pass to other people, or what other people think of it.  You need to be comfortable with what you're doing, bottom line.  Wear men's clothes because you like them and you feel good in them.  Wear men's clothes because they make you happy.  It's first about inner comfort, not about appearance.  If people tell you you look too feminine and you'll never pass, so what.  Who cares.  It's nice to pass, but it shouldn't be your top priority.

Don't obsess over passing.

About bottom surgery, it's common for guys to not feel like they need it, so don't worry about that either.

People can surprise you.  Those you thought would never accept it turn out amazing, and vice versa.  In the end, though, even if they don't support you, is it worth the misery just to keep happy the people who want you to stay miserable?  Take your time, and make your own decisions, and don't feel like other people are that much more important than you.

I completely agree! Good luck!

[anibioman]

you should post pictures so we can give advice on how you can pass better.

[Kreuzfidel]

you should post pictures so we can give advice on how you can pass better.

Agreed.  Just because people say you look too "feminine" to pass doesn't mean you actually cannot pass.  You would be surprised what haircuts, clothes and mannerisms can achieve.

[Felix]

Dress how you want. I dressed male long before I came out as trans. There's no reason anybody should have a problem with it, so it's a pretty safe and gratifying step.

Also, most ftm trans people don't get bottom surgery. Even the ones that do certainly don't wait until they get it to start living as male.

Stick around, yeah? We'll be here.

[nickd]

ty guys! i'll posts some pics soon so keep checking back i'd appreciate the advice and do appreciate the advice you've already given! again tysm!