Hi Ameline, it sounds like your in a good place, don't let anyone try to tell you you're not. I'm in a similar place myself but from the other side of the fence and without the need to explore sex.... any more
A luxury of age
I think it was Boy George who said "I'd rather have a cup of Tea" Since then I think that oversight on his part might have gotten him into a little trouble
I personally think androgyny is a state of mind and not necessarily the clothes you wear or the colours you choose. I was speaking to a MtoF just the other day and she said "I haven't become a woman to wear trousers" my first thought was ok fair enough but did you become a woman so that you could wear a skirt.... Do clothes define a person?
I suppose on the surface they do, it's an obvious marker that's for sure but are they really necessary to feel the like the sex that you already know that you are.... I think I'm a little "out there" with my opinion on this but hey! Here goes
First of all I'm certainly not trying to upset anyone with my thoughts so apologies if I do.
For the majority of MtoF's transition is made into a trial of fire and brimstone because it's seen as necessary to complete a real life test WTF is all that about. Why Why Why do they think that wearing obviously female clothes, skirts, heels etc is necessary to show a persons commitment to changing their gender, How f**king ridiculous and spiteful (sorry but that's how strongly I feel) Is it fair to expect a guy who's six foot tall and 200lbs to don a dress and make up to demonstrate that he has a female brain in his head. We all know that this just isn't the case or at least we should. There are other ways to determine a persons commitment or depth of feeling towards changing gender but forcing them into clothes that they might not ever attempt to wear is certainly not one of them. Humiliation being seen as a tool to determine wether your genuine or not. My first and only visit to Charring cross GID clinic some 25 years ago where I was told your hands and feet are to big, go away. They did manage to make their evaluation a little more detailed than that but that's what it boiled down to. Thankfully! so I hear things have moved on since then. These people were considered to be the experts, what hope has a transgender person got of finding some happiness in life when you're having to confront a lack of understanding like that. If I'd been a bit older and with some more life experience behind me I'd have dropped him on the floor and given him cause to find fault in his opinion. I wonder how many people experiencing gender confusion have gone away from such a meeting and jumped from a high building or swallowed a bullet when they've been given "help" like this. * I remember reading about a particular old school shrink here in the UK who I almost went to privately in order I could receive a procedure I was pursuing at that time. One of his patients a MtoF was waiting in the waiting room for her appointment, there were other people also sat waiting as it was a shared waiting area. She head been full time for some time, on hormones and everything and was just waiting for final approval for re assignment surgery. This supposed expert entered the waiting room and called her to her appointment by using the title of Mr and what was formerly her now redundant male name. You can imagine the distress this caused which she described in her writing. She was forced to stand up and identify herself in front of complete strangers. She wanted to sit tight and ignore the call as well she should but her appointment would have been cancelled and the date for her surgery delayed as a result. By all accounts the shrink had used this tactic before and he wouldn't have relented and addressed the patient by their actual chosen name. Needless to say I considered that it might be best if I didn't go to see him. Apart from being ridiculously expensive I may have been forced to show him the error of his ways
whilst I can totally understand that there are some transgender people who's only hope of some peace of mind is top and bottom surgery and everything in between and all over but I can't help thinking that there are some who get swept along in the whole experience and end up going further than they might otherwise have had to, to achieve some peace of mind.... *In some ways they are forced to behave and dress as their brain sex to prove that their thoughts and feelings aren't just a "phase they are going through" or a "fantasy" they might be having this month.
There's an easy way to determine wether or not someone's serious or not and it doesn't involve potentially humiliating them and putting their lives at risk. The introduction of cross sex hormones, that is hormones of a persons brain sex will fairly quickly determine wether a person is for real or not. In the short term the effects of hormones can soon make up a persons mind as to their suitability to transition or not as may turn out to be the case. If they aren't taking them for more than a few months in the case of MtoF then most of the effects will reverse to some degree and those that don't shouldn't be too troubling to accommodate as life progresses. I wonder just how many people have died as a result of violence, perhaps as a result of the real life test, when measured against medically supervised hormone treatment....
Transition: An interesting word, does it have to mean swapping "everything" over, ticking all the boxes, crossing all the T's and dotting all of the I's (Ali G!)
From my ramblings I think you have worked out my opinion on that one. If my own Identity as I now see it, had been identified as a possibility for me 10 20 or 30 years ago I might have had a happier life as a result. There's always a chance that, that might not have been the case but it wouldn't have been as a result of wrestling my gender issues. How many lives could have been saved....
Personally I was never comfortable with cross dressing, it was helpful in getting me some relief from my tortured mind but it never felt right to me. If I were to be judged on that last statement some might say that "it's pretty obvious you're not the real deal" I beg to differ
As part of my own 'transition" I have permanently removed testosterone from my system, altered my hairline, tweaked my nose, removed my beard and chest hair and adopted estrogen as my chosen hormone. I'm as happy as Larry or Loraine, who cares, I;m cured and life has continued quite nicely thanks in
NO! part to the bloody experts
These days I don't present as female at all, I don't cross dress and yet I'm happy. I achieved my own happiness by making some changes that according to the experts would not be a good idea for me.
In short
Forget labels who needs em, what purpose do they serve. before we're male/female, Black/White we should be recognised for what we do, how we do it and who we Really are.... I think Gender, skin colour, clothes etc are secondary to happiness, recognising them and differences in them and creating requirements for them only causes issues. For example in my hypothetical world where gender isn't recognised: there's no name for it; you can wear whatever you want; including nothing at all if that's your choice; have sex with who ever you want, assuming mutual agreement of course; would there be a word like transgender or the dysphoria that some of us suffer from.... Come to that would there be half the problems in the world that there are today
Don't get me started on religion or the drugs war
I've no doubt given you eye ache already assuming you've gotten this far
To finish
finally
I must add that this is only my opinion, I wouldn't force it on anyone though I might argue as to it's validity
I may change it in the future according to my experiences between now and then, whenever that is and I reserve that right
I hope it's been informative, maybe thought provoking and even a little funny at times, If I've offended anyone you have my humblest apologies BUT GET OVER IT!
In answer to those questions at the bottom of any posts we might do "Are you a human?" Uur... I think so
