Women's bathrooms

[Silas]

Two odd stories, I'll end with a happy one.

Once upon a time there was a little boy in his art class who needed to pee. So he asked his teacher, who thank god was a sub, because he is super paranoid about teachers popping out to check to see he's using the "right bathroom" because they are utterly convinced he will be raped in the men's room (my principal actually said that to me). He skipped off to the loo, oh crap some dude's at one of the two urinals. No choice but to use a stall, confoundit. Realized halfway through shutting the door that the guy was a freshman in my art class. When I went back, the class seemed quiet for a bit, then everyone sort of erupted in laughter.  I am so paranoid, I thought maybe the freshman said something, even though he's "he'd" me a lot.

When I was 3, I had my surname changed. My mother never took the court order to my social security, birth certificate, etc., so the change didn't actually take place in some weird alternate universe. We were at the court house finding out what needed to be done, and I was debating on whether or not it was okay to use the bathroom, considering I was with my unaccepting, "plug-my-ears-and-go-la-la-la" grandma. I kinda decided too late; I was walking to the other side of the building and my mom and grandma were going to the car. Turns out my dad had to go, too -- ohwhatfun! I thought about using a urinal just to mess with his head, but I was nervous and was afraid he'd out me before I touched the door latch. I kicked the door open (I don't know why I always do that) and headed for a stall, and he came in shortly after. No words. A couple of days later we were talking about my plans for transition, and he just says, "Your mom's probably always gonna be weird about it. Hell, I used the bathroom four feet away from my daughter -- IN THE MEN'S ROOM! And that was so weird, so awkward, but I don't care. It's you."

For some reason, people always get weird at me for not using the urinal. I like to think I follow EXTREME PEE-SHY RULES. Only use the urinal if no one else is in, and cease fire when the door creaks open just a little bit, even if it was only the wind. o3o~!

[Keaira]

@Keaira the bathroom thing tends to get discussed pretty often in person when I see trans people get together. It's a pretty big stressor for most people who aren't solidly on one or the other side of their transition.

I can understand. Since we are all sharing, I have a few stories of my own I'd like to share.

Shortly after I  told HR at work that I was on hormones and intending to transition, I was called to my HR rep's office. Word had spread and now I was making some of the guys kind of nervous about the bathroom. So I was actually asked if I wouldn't mind using the women's restroom. I would have full company backing. I told them if I do that, I'm going full time. Everyone knew about me anyway so I thought 'what the hey.'
So I went full time 2 months into my transition. Management was told to address me as Keaira, I was now a female employee, and even the nametags on my uniform shirts had my new name on. Of course there were some women who were pretty upset. And one of my friend's told me about the protesting. I sat in a break area outside crying my eyes out over it. I didn't want to start WW3. But my friend told me to just ignore them. It was just the 'Hen's clucking.'
Even now, I get into the bathroom and out as fast as I possibly can, but as I'm adjusting and others are, I'm not so nervous anymore. But I look back at that meeting and how screwed up that was. How many HR reps would as an MtF to please use the ladies room?

When I took my son to see the Transformers DOTM movie, I went in guy mode, just because I was with my son and I really didn't want to create a drama there. But when the movie ended, I froze. across from me was the women's room, barely in use. and the bathroom at the movie theater I mentioned earlier?  That was the day. I had to go, really badly and there were so many guys in there and I felt so trapped and in the wrong place I about had a panic attack. I had to get out and wait for them to all leave. Now, I go shopping  as me. And use the women's restroom. So far, no one has doubted my presence there or told me I was in the wrong restroom.
Although many months back when I was still living as a male, When I was coming out of the Walmart men's room by the check-outs, I did see and overhear 2 women talking about me. one was saying "I thought that was a girl." as she was looking at me. The other lady agreed with her.  All I could think  was "Just wait til HRT. then you'll really be confused."

And you are right Felix about the bathrooms being a topic of great discussion. At my last PFLAG meeting, an MtF who..umm.. I dont know how to say this without sounding mean or condescending or anything... She doesn't appear to put any effort into appearing female. But she's been on HRT since the 90's. She asked me if I used the women's room at work.
I didn't think anything of it and said "of course. why?"
She looked at me like my head turned into a fireball!
"And you don't have any problems from other women?"
Again I shrugged. 8 months along I think everyone has figured out I'm not going to just hide in a corner somewhere. "No, not really. I mean there's been talk about it but that's all. I even used the one's in Walmart last week."

Again, my head caught fire, only with a deeper intensity. by now I was beginning to think I looked like Ghost Rider.
She said "I've been fired for using the women's restroom, everywhere I go it's been an issue."

It was pretty sad to hear but at the same time, I could understand why people who didn't know her reacted the way the way they do. they just saw a guy who maybe stuffed a bra full of socks walking into their territory. And it was hard to stand there and be quiet. She could probably cut down a lot of the negativity towards her if she just made an effort to blend in.

Anyway, those are my 'Tales from the Loo.'

[Felix]

She asked me if I used the women's room at work.
I didn't think anything of it and said "of course. why?"
She looked at me like my head turned into a fireball!

LOL

I can't imagine transitioning and then permanently continuing to use the bathroom of your birth-assigned sex. That lady must have a really hard life. Odd that she'd think the right solution was to present as female and use male restrooms, though.

Kind of awesome that HR took the initiative in encouraging your on-the-job transition. That is definitely not usually in the script. XD

[rexyrex]

So guys only use the stalls if they're taking a dump?

Na guys use the stalls for a lot of resons, pee shy or they dont like using the urinal.....they wont give u weird looks or so if u acted funny or if u look at them, just hold ur head up high walk in confidence walk into a stall, out, wash hand and then out u go, no eye contact or any talking, then u be fine.

if u walk in all packly or scared they might look at u and think :s

i never had any problems and yeah i was scared they might look or so but i hide it and just went in and did what i need to do....if it full wait outside or find somewher else and try again.

[Tristan_Markus]

i mean as much as that must have sucked at the time, if your getting strange reactions in the women's room it means a pass. i wish i could say that, all i get is a couple awkward looks from time to time. i just try to go when no one is in there kind of deal.

[Felix]

Na guys use the stalls for a lot of resons, pee shy or they dont like using the urinal.....they wont give u weird looks or so if u acted funny or if u look at them, just hold ur head up high walk in confidence walk into a stall, out, wash hand and then out u go, no eye contact or any talking, then u be fine.

if u walk in all packly or scared they might look at u and think :s

i never had any problems and yeah i was scared they might look or so but i hide it and just went in and did what i need to do....if it full wait outside or find somewher else and try again.

I agree here. I figure people just assume I'm pee shy or self conscious. For all they know I might have a medical problem or something. Also, my last boyfriend was cis and at home he sits to pee as often as he stands.

[Sam-]

One time I was at a restaurant and had to use the bathroom, they were small two-stall bathrooms and I walk in and some lady is at the sink and she goes "This is the women's room..." and I had a thousand thoughts race through my head I didn't know what to do so I was just dumbly like ".....yeah....." and went in the stall haha. AWKWARD.

[mm]

I have been using the men's room almost all the time and just go in with confidence and walk into a stall and sit to pee.  I have had noone look at me any differently that I know of.  Guys say so little in there anyway, which is great for me as my voice is not real deep yet.  I wish I could pee at an urinal as that look so neat to pee through a fly and not have to get partially undressed everytime.

[emil]

been using the men's room for quite a while....last week i went for a stall and some guy (in his 40s) shouted "what you think they have urinals for??" as i started peeing oO so that was the only scary moment really.
before i switched, girls would regularly walk back out and look at the sign on the door. one time a guy followed me into the girls bathroom because he just expected that the bathroom i went in was the guys' bathroom.

[insideontheoutside]

I've gotten looks before in the women's restroom. I've also had the awkward, "This is the WOMEN'S restroom" (I love how they always emphasize the word women's and say it louder like you're restarted or something) thing before.

I usually try to scope out the "neutral" restrooms. They are few and far between though ... a few restaurants ... the Trader Joe's ... the occasional one in the mall for handicap. Every time I go into the women's restroom I usually just keep my head down and make a b-line for a stall ... unless of course there's a line ... which there often is. If there's a line I just try to look down at the floor or anywhere to not make eye contact with anyone in there.

As for the men's room. I usually avoid that too. Too many people take me as female for me to get away with it consistently. But I do know that plenty of men use the stalls. One of my friends won't use a urinal at all - just always goes for the stall. My other half will only stand to piss when out and about - at home he always sits. So there's a lot of variation going on there with other men and toilet habits.

[Morgan.]

I've gotten the same sorta thing in the desperate times where I've actually needed to use the bathroom so badly while I've been out that I use a public one, but now I try and find a disabled toilet which is usually never occupied. I live in an area where people are quite obnoxious when it comes to others who they do not perceive to be normal, and I've been given a lot of dirty looks when I used the female toilets.
Actually, the area where I live, people are kind of obnoxious enough to stand and look at me and laugh, or say "ew" or "what the ****" (even out of car windows when I walk home, not so much recently, but long before I started T) which is partly why I'd love to move. I never feel comfortable in my surrounding suburbs.

[Felix]

I never feel comfortable in my surrounding suburbs.

Suburbs scare the crap out of me no matter where they are.

Not really related, but my daughter and I had someone yell out a car window at us today. It seemed pretty totally pointless, and the best I could figure was that it was some after-thanksgiving drunk.

[Silas]

Actually, the area where I live, people are kind of obnoxious enough to stand and look at me and laugh, or say "ew" or "what the ****" (even out of car windows when I walk home, not so much recently, but long before I started T) which is partly why I'd love to move. I never feel comfortable in my surrounding suburbs.

What a polite place you live in.  Jeez, some people...

[malinkibear]

Don't worry about being pee-shy (this thread seemed to turn into that?). My cismale housemate can only use a stall, he physically can't pee if he's at a urinal. Once we went out to a club, and the bathroom only had one stall, with someone in it. So he waited, and waited, and waited... eventually a guy came out, but there was another guy kneeling on the floor. Before my housemate knew what to do, another guy pushed past and, well, took his turn, I guess.
He ended up waiting about an hour for that guy to stop sucking other guys off. We visit classy places.

You have to take people directing you out of the women's with a sense of humour, but it's hard. In the UK I use the women's exclusively, but get a lot of stares, jumps and "oh... sorry..."s. It gets really old.

[Astr0]

I don't know if  I'm the only one who does this, but I actually kinda re-adjust my binder so I actually look more feminine when I use the female toilets to avoid confrontation. S: It makes me feel really uncomfortable, but I'm still scared ->-bleeped-<-less (excuse the bad pun) of using male toilets.

I hardly get any any crap from people in Australia actually, people stare, but they just go on with their business. But in Asia I seemed to pass 99% of the time, and I got a few 'Are you sure you're in the right toilets?' and it was pretty horrible.

Last year I went to china for the first time, and the worst thing was, most of their toilets are either disgustingly dirty, or have no doors/broken doors, or just plain see through ones. So even when I did go into the male stalls sometimes, they can kinda make out the shape of you sitting down to take a piss. S: THe worst thing was the fact that there was 3 people in line directly outside the door, it was horrrribble.

[supremecatoverlord]

Lawlz.
I loved that video - just going to say-  and wholeheartedly appreciated that it was done with Sims.
;p

[CountryBoy120390]

I never use the mens' room because I don't pass and because my only stp is the top of a 16 oz soda bottle which I use at home. But when te\he line is long, I just use the guys' bathroom and if asked I say "Have you seen the line out there? Women take forever." or something to that effect and no one cares. Another fear of transitioning: Using a passable STP in the mens' room.
A big win? I wanted to try on a mens' dress shirt at Wal Mart. I was escorted to the mens' side. The same night at another store, i wanted to try on a different mens' dress shirt (long story but i was picky) and was escorted to the womens' room.

[supremecatoverlord]

Country Boy-

  I'm thinking about getting the Peecock soon, but I don't know how well that passes in public. However, I am pretty handy with an stp device, so it might end up working better for me than most. I dunno. I've heard the Peecock was one of the more functional "stp packers" out right now, but there are plenty of others. I'm not sure if you already know about all that jazz or not though.

[CountryBoy120390]

I have seen a few but the part you pee in before it goes into the packer seems too small

[supremecatoverlord]

Actually, it's not. You just need to know how to position it. Have you seen most of these?
http://transguys.com/features/stp
http://www.ftmguide.org/bathroom.html
They are good references.
Personally, I use a medicine spoon style most of the time, though I have others.
It's one of the smaller stp styles and it's always worked best for me out of what I have tried.
I'm hoping I'm going to be capable of using a urinal soon enough though.
xD