You are not alone. It sounds to me perhaps your battles are due to some level of denial, whether or not you've accepted yourself as a transsexual or not could be part of it, but surely denial in the ability to transition. This is not a "blame" to be place upon yourself, it happens to a great deal of us.
If I may share my personal experience, I had denied it for a while merely by continuing to wear male clothing, and thus dealing with the vast amounts of anxiety for which it caused. I told myself, "One day I'll rid of these clothes, but I am just going to have to deal with it for now." After going to a therapy session and telling my therapist this very story, he only had one thing to ask me, "Why?" I was speechless. Why did I have to deal with it? Why couldn't I move forward? What was I waiting for? I too had a wife and a son to support. But I realized I was only dragging out the inevitable. It didn't matter what I had going on in my life, I wasn't living my life. The simple answer as to why I wasn't progressing was simply, fear.
Jumping from wearing male clothing to female clothing is a big step, and it was one I chose not to immediately do. So, I compromised. I went through my clothing and got rid of anything that caused large amounts of anxiety. Anything hyper-masculine was tossed, and what I wound up with was what I consider androgynous clothing. The level of anxiety relieved simply by doing this took me by surprise. I no longer felt "masculine" when out. It was clothing you could see a guy wearing or clothing you could see a girl wearing, and it worked. From that point, I began to slowly transition out the androgynous clothing for clothing similar in looks, however, marketed for females and had just a bit more feminine look to it than the androgynous, which allowed me to feel I was progressing instead of spinning my wheels. As my transition progresses, I up the level of femininity in what I wear, but for the time being I am comfortable and the anxiety has subsided a great deal.
Your anxiety level seems high, very high. I believe it's high because you haven't self-accepted that you can transition. I believe it is your anxiety that is causing your temper flares. As for your wife, if she doesn't know, that in itself will create a whole other realm of anxiety. So, if she doesn't know, that needs to be your first priority in order to begin healing. If you don't want to tell her by yourself, see if she will attend a therapy session with you. As for your child, I wouldn't worry over that. Children have unconditional love and if you transition early in his life, it won't create a "shock" effect later in his life. Most important to keep in mind is that this is transition, not change. It doesn't have to be done all at once and I encourage it not to be. Go at your own pace, but I can assure you any progress will undoubtedly begin to relieve the stress in which you are currently enduring.
I hope I've helped. Hang in there. You may PM me if you need someone to talk to.
