Quote from: N.Chaos on November 29, 2011, 02:21:53 AM
I feel like I'm some kind of weirdo. Worse, I feel like one of those psychotically fundamental religious people that think nudity is a big sin or something and that just...bothers me.
I can't shake the combination of depression/disgust/anxiety I get when I see tits, though. Which makes it a little nerve wracking to be so addicted to Tumblr sometimes. I felt like a dick for it, but I unfriended one of my best friends because I kept getting really messed up from the massive influx of giggling gifs she seemed to post constantly.
So...am I the only one like this? A massive part of this is probably because I'm only attracted to guys, I'd imagine you straight guys have no problem with it (presumably, obviously correct me if I'm wrong, please).
I'm just starting to feel like a complete freak or something.
I feel like that as well, and I'm gay, too. But I don't like seeing any nudity or porn at all of anyone. I'm just fine with seeing a shirtless guy, but seeing a shirtless girl my initial thought is "look away!" When I was first taking art classes in school there was always nudity, especially in film, which was rather awkward. Of course, I felt looking like a 12 year old by looking away would be more awkward, so I attempted to look like a mature adult-but glancing around the room at everyone else's reactions, turns out everyone else in the class was doing the same thing, trying not to look awkward and trying to look like a mature, open minded adult. In the US at least it's extremely anti-nudity throughout our culture, if there's any nudity in a movie it'll usually be rated R, whereas extreme violence in the movies is often rated PG13 and generally more accepted by our culture. In Europe it's the exact opposite, so I think we're kind of fashioned growing up to think "indecency, I shouldn't look at this" when it's something part of the normal human body.
Some of it might be trans related with not being comfortable with our own bodies, and some changes to be more accepting are likely with T increasing libido, but it's possible to be something separate as well. Personally I have literally no interest in sex at all, porn disgusts me, and though I'm fine with joking about it and desensitized due to the internet enough to keep scrolling, I don't even want to have sex in the future and would avoid a situation where it would happen. Maybe it's because mentally I haven't been able to grow up enough to think something other than "sex is gross" or perhaps it's because "sex is bad" was drilled into my head as a kid through church, but now that I'm 20 years old that's something that's actually abnormal. I more than likely actually have sexual aversion disorder which could stem from a lot of trans related things. Personally I don't find having sex necessary for myself anyways since I'm not trying to reproduce or complicate my life any more so it's not something that I care enough about to see a therapist about, lol.
