Not Feeling Terribly Feminine Today, But No Issue.

[rhonda13000]

I'm hardly 'depressed', but in an exceedingly odd mood.

Very 'intense' and 'all business' and I don't know why. The bod is shaping up very well and feminine and I'm hiding none of it at work...I don't know.

I'm wondering however if this isn't some form of a 'defensive posture' at work, given the aforementioned conspicuous feminization.

The most feminine and so very "Me" that I have felt this week was at the TS group meeting on Tuesday and less so, with my therapist.

Granted, one does not have to be 'feeling girly' constantly and it is unnecessary to "force" a facade of such in order to "validate" the more than sufficiently proven fact of my TS.

Such would also be affectated and artificial and "homegirl don't play that game".

I feel like I have reverted somewhat back into a decidedly male way of functioning, but this isn't disturbing me as much as such did, earlier in transition.

No, I'm cool with it--transiently, that is. It's both "me" and it is concurrently not "me".

"Role Transition"

This is a very interesting process to experience, transition.

[Melissa-kitty]

I've gotten advice this week from a few sources, professional and non, to the effect of don't be pushed into thinking that you will be a certain way, feel a certain way, need to do certain things. You are you. No one else. We all have ideas as to what will happen with ourselves, where we are going, but sometimes it's best to be open to possibilities. Remember, femininity and masculinity are predominantly culturally derived constructs, not well reflecting base reality. Contra Freud, anatomy is not destiny!
Blessings, Tara

[rhonda13000]

I used to really worry about the 'feeling', but maturity came along and it's not problem.

It's an odd process to go through, shedding and balancing out female vs male traits and characteristics.

Some of it is just baseline 'me' and what is required is adjusting fundamental attributes from a 'male flavor' to that of female.

Some of it will need to be summarily discarded, some of it simply needs to be dis-inhibited and allowed to manifest itself.

Some traits need to be deliberately and persistently adopted and practiced.

It's taking time, but then change often does.

I have no problem with this; it an utterly fascinating thing to go through.   

[SusanK]

Since when does femininity translate to gender identity (read SNMIM)? If it does, then are all effeminate men gender dysphoric? I can understand the feeling because I rarely feel "feminine" but that's my personality and temperament, not my masculinity. No one doubts there are "models" for transwomen for social acceptance, but both my therapist and physician have said that's a stereotype and not reality, and no one doubts we have to fall into some habits of the stereotype to get through life, but if you watch gg women, you just have to find a place in that range, and not the narrow one of the stereoptype transwoman. That's hard to do sometimes, and I think it actually takes more courage for a transwoman to be herself than a woman has to do to be herself. They have latitude being women, and we have to fit well inside the range before we can relax within the range. It's harder living near the edges of the range, but worth more in the end and not pretend just because it's expected.

Just my view and good luck.

[rhonda13000]

"Since when does femininity translate to gender identity (read SNMIM)?"

I would concur.

Perhaps it as largely a function of self-acceptance and internal validation [firm, knowledgeable conviction] of one's own true gender, where 'feeling feminine' is realized to be irrelevant and grossly inaccurate as a form of 'feedback' and validation of the condition.

For me, this was a function of maturity and development and believe me, it was most welcome.

I think that this is indeed, one of the keys to inner peace and contentment.