Multiple, Concurrent Healing Processes...

[rhonda13000]

I am a 'late transitioner'.

My life was more or less destroyed, by suffering under the duress of two powerful 'demons of the mind':

--Moderate diagnosed but untreated ADHD

--High intensity, undiagnosed TS and therefore unaddressed.

For over 40 years.

Much social and emotional development was significantly retarded or severely distorted, adding to my pain.

In May of 2005, I finally understood who and what I was--and my life truly began on that fine day.

"A Reason to Live"

But what I did not expect was that transition would initiate a cascade and concomitance of multiple cognitive, emotional and maturational healing or 'catch-up' at an accelerated and compressed rate.

Putting it mildly, this in itself has been often severely traumatic.

Obviously, the net result is good and positive--and necessary and I do believe that I have passed through the worst of it, but it has been a hard road to travel.

Have any here experienced this or anything analogous to this effect?

[Brianna]

You know Rhonda. I transitioned, and that was the end of the emoness, mostly. It's sure not a daily thing.

And, I am surely not looking for continuous psychological secondary feedback....

Bri

[rhonda13000]

Am I sensing malice, here?

Is it possible that I may have another reason why I am seeking this information?

The second query is rhetorical.

[ChefAnnagirl]

Hi Rhonda -

I wrote a poem about the floodgates - In my bio info i talked about something like this kind of experience -
I can totally relate to almost every single word as you wrote it - very nicely and very succintly expressed by the way... 

Although i am somewhat younger than you, i have always felt like a much older person in some ways - and prior to "Re-awakening up",  I had experienced a very full life, full of really extreme experiences and complicated and difficult relations with both myself and the world around me - But this - this was like having an entire new dimension opening up inside of myself - a whole entire new universe to explore and live in - joyously and gratefully...

I still go through this almost every day - deeply epiphanous (is that a word ?) experiences - deeply personal - almost beyond being able to describe in mere language - excitingly and often overwhelmingly revelational in nature - still recovering lost, hidden, given away, and stolen connections within myself in almost every way imagineable - and using that knowledge to live a completely different life in so many ways "this time around".... What an unbelievable blessing - no matter how painful - how many people will ever get to literally start over almost from what seems like scratch in so many ways, except we have all we have learned up until this point to at our disposal this time.... It's almost like the question of "if i knew all i that i have seen now, but knew it all when i was younger" - would we have done things any differently ? 

The first six months of my reawakening was i was literally being FLOODED with this sense of concurrent healing processes taking place, memories and all of the connections within myself being restored like a magical wish that would'nt stop radiating it's presence in my life - completely permeating me - soaking me in the entire depth of my personal emotional experience in this life - filling me up to the breaking point - the flooding point - the point of complete desperation to finally stand up and walk for myself and begin truly living something like the beginning of my real honest to goodness full potentials - as well as it was immediately helping me to gain perspective and give myself real solutions on how to heal issues with many people from my past due to my prior dysfunctions -

It was like someone blew the lock off the dungeon door, walked inside almost completely unnoticed to all internal alarms, and threw like six hundred (felt like six million at the time) dingy, dusty, and forgotten switches hidden deep in the basement where i had locked them all so long ago that i had even almost forgotten about them myself - and all the freaking lights came flooding back on so brightly i was completely lit from the inside out - fuses bursting - some of the bulbs being broken from the force of the explosion of renewed sense of self and the real beginnings of finally seeing and feeling something like self acknowledgement, self reliance, self recognition, self reconcilement, and sexual healing - finally seeing something like the path of my life's potentials open up and become not only more visible for the first time in so long - but also finally becoming completely available right before my eyes and all of my senses - and real incredible love and caring for myself and all others in ways that i cannot even descibe in so much detail - GOD -
So incredible - so multilayered and multifaceted, and happening all at once, and so quickly and intensely -
and yes, still happening - still - even now and i think it will continue for me - at least i hope it will....

Yes, my dear,
i can most certainly and lovingly relate to your experience in extreme detail... You are not alone...
I love your writing style, excellent usage of terms, and great vocabulary.

Lovingly always,
Sincerely,


ChefAnnagirl

[rhonda13000]

You know hon, yours is the kind of knowledge that I am seeking.

And I am seeking perspectives such as yours, in order that I may more fully understand what we often negotiate and encounter--or have encountered, in the oft difficult and sometimes dangerous journey toward our true states of being.

I need to learn as much as I can, so that I may help others. There is simply far too much pain out there.

You are a prime example of this, hon, as am I and so many others--and so many others whom are no longer with us because they could no longer, or thought that they could no longer, sustain.

Think about it: this effect of multiple, concurrent healing and accelerated 'catch-up' maturation, secondarily initiated when the gender incongruity between body and soul begins resolution, obviously does not occur in all cases of transition. This may be correlated to the degree of TS and very probably significant secondary co-morbid cognitive and emotional problems, in conjunction with one's TS.

These can get pretty bad, the longer that the fundamental causal effect [TS] goes untreated and unresolved.

So, many years may go by, for whatever reason, until for one fine day the causal effect of all of this dysfunction and retarded maturity, the underlying TS, finally begins to be resolved and consequently, so do most or all of these co-morbid conditions,

all at the same time.

That can be a tremendous load to bear for the mind to bear and the healing of the mind is often accompanied by transient pain, but only for a little while.

It is not a permanent state and will pass.

But how many who are dealing with this effect did not understand it or it's transitory duration, assumed that this pain was permanent and unending and decided that they were not or could not, live with this pain.

They will have ended it all, over a temporary state which, if they were told, they could well have held on until it inevitably passed.

"Hey hon, it's OK!    I know it's hard to deal with sometimes, but it will pass!"

"You have to know that. I know and understand what you are going through, because I have been through this, too. You just have to be gentle on yourself, give your mind the time that it needs to heal and when it does heal, all of this will be only be a memory."

Telling something like this to someone who is in those circumstances, can save their life.

"You mean, I am not the only one who has had to deal with this?? No kidding."

Yet I have encountered nothing either in the literature nor anecdotally, about this possible transitional scenario.

Ignorance kills. And that is so senseless and tragic.
____________________________________

You write well and much of what you wrote resonates strongly with me.

You have described the experience well, insofar as it compares with my own.

You are 'flooded' by many things. It's mind boggling, to say the least.

And while oft painful [but only temporarily], this is a fascinating experience.

Thank you for the beauty and grace of your response.