Having a twin actually a BAD thing?

[Brain_Storm]

Blah, I think I just need a second opinion, or third, or fourth. But I've a had a bit of a problem.

    I'm a twin. And my sister is a full on natal woman. We were separated at birth and ended up finding each other when we were 16. Obviously, we are fraternal, but our bodies are almost complete mirrors.

- I'm a pre-op Transgender Woman who has been living as a female since I was 16. I'm am currently 23.
- When we met, she was a bit confused as she had been told that her twin BROTHER had been found. When I met her, I stated that we're going to be awesome sisters. She told me she was confused and I had to sit her down and tell her. She's had my back, 100% since that day!
- She and I both weigh out at 98lbs. (Not a huge factor, but shows that our metabolisms are pretty much the same)
- Her birth marks and mine are completely mirror. (she has one on the underside of her right breast, and i have one on the left.)
- We have both modeled (She is actually still a model)
- And due to our Filipina heritage, our hair is both dark, long and thick. (Measuring at longest, 2 feet and 7 inches!)
- My breast forms even, were ordered in accordance to her measurements.
- We are sisters, we argue, love and live, the same way normal sisters do.

But I feel like, having a twin, who shares SO MANY of the same attributes as I, who loves me for me is a little strange. I find myself being jealous of her. I mean, I'm a trans-woman and I see her, walking around... with MY BODY! It's completely strange and horribly sad. I can't blame her. She was born that way and it's not her fault. She has never flaunted the fact and she and I bask in the fact that we're twins.

Sure, there are some MAJOR differences that we have and we love those differences. But I feel bad sometimes, I mean, when we go out, we usually flirt with boys and suddenly, I'll have to excuse myself from the situation, or I'll have to step-away from the fun, so that I don't ruin her moment and/or her reputation. The other part of it, is that I think that my sister is absolutely stunning. And I've been told, that we look identical and that if I see her as beautiful, I should feel that way about myself as well. We love to do the same things, and she wants me to be happy, but some of the things we do together that SHOULD be fun, actually become terrifying for me.

For instance, this last summer she and I bought matching bikinis. When it comes to the dressing part, I usually go ALL OUT and can pull of some pretty crazy outfits... but this bikini was a little TOO little and no amount of tucking made me feel like I could do it. I am usually confident when I dress, but this, THIS was scary. She and I went out to the beach and were having fun. She decided that she wanted to run along the beach with a couple guys we met. I really wanted to go, so I started to run... and BAM! I felt myself "untucking". I ran straight to my towel and wrapped up. I looked and I was fine. But I was petrified.

My sister ran over to me and asked if I was okay and if I wanted to go home. I told her to go have fun. She wouldn't leave my side and I literally had to force her to go have fun. I sat there and wondered... "What would have happened if those guys saw me?" I mean, her and I have always been saddled into the "twin" catergory... Would they get upset and be mad at her too? How could I face my sister if I ruined HER reputation too? UGH!

So I sat her down and asked her. She said that if there were a time I accidentally exposed my true gender to the world that she would have my back. But the problem is, I don't want her to sacrifice for me. A while ago, people from my high school made fun of her at the grocery store, because they thought she was me... I just feel like it's not her burden to bear and I definitely do NOT like her saying she's okay with it...

I don't know. But the jist of this is,
- I love my sister, but I do feel a little vag-envy when it comes to her being natal. How do I deal?
- How do I make her stop defending me? I mean, people are making fun of her because of me! How awful!
- What do I do about my feelings about her reputation?

Thanks for reading my vent. Any help is appreciated!

[kelly_aus]

I don't know. But the jist of this is,
- I love my sister, but I do feel a little vag-envy when it comes to her being natal. How do I deal?

This one I can't really help with..

- How do I make her stop defending me? I mean, people are making fun of her because of me! How awful!

She's your sister, she's family.. This is exactly what family are supposed to do.. Where I live, the gay and trans communities overlap a bit and my cousin, who's gay, has been given a hard time because of me and guess what? He stood up for me, and tells me he will each and every time.

- What do I do about my feelings about her reputation?

This one I suggest talking to her about.. If she is cool with things, then don't worry about it.

Thanks for reading my vent. Any help is appreciated!

Reading your vent is my pleasure.. Just hope I had something useful to say..

[Siobhan]

I would say its a great thing you have a twin that loves and supports you,not a bad thing
Of course i can see how it would highlight to you some issues you have with yourself when you naturally compare yourself to her.

[Keaira]

I can truly see how having a twin would throw in a huge dose of gender issues. I know how I would feel about it. In fact I'd probably feel so much worse, because of my age. You are still pretty young.

Having said that, You are very lucky to have such a supportive sister. And in a way, you have a role model in her. Instead of envying her, appreciate your own uniqueness and maybe look at things from her perspective. See the things she loves in you. Then maybe you can see why it is she will fight to defend you. I know if the situation were reversed, you'd do the same. it is tough, bot nothing worthwhile was ever easy.
*hugs*

[annette]

I've read your story with interest, it was remarkable.
You are worried and envy to your sister and it's both understandable.
Worried for her reputation, it suits you, but, suppose it's the other way around, you would be there for your sister too, won't you?
Vag envy, oh girl, we all had that, if you don't have a vag envy, what would you be?

I think your feelings are quite normal and will disappear when everything is done, than there is nothing to be envy or to hide anymore, what will left is a great sister/sister relation, because you know you will always be there for the other sister.

Your future looks bright

hugs
Annette

[Olivia-Anne]

I can completly relate to you on almost every level. I also have a twin sister, and we do look a lot alike as well. Althogh I'm almost 30 and the terrible T has done its dastardly deeds on me. I am still not out to my family. I think you should be truely grateful to have such an awsome sister. I think its awsome she cares for you the way she does and you can go out as sisters. I know that jelousy is hard to overcome in this situation but try to look at her with inspiration and not jelousy.

<3 Liv

[Brain_Storm]

Thank you for all the love and support guys! You are truly helpful!

I ended up sitting her down and asking her a few things. Her reply is that, she is, in fact, scared. Scared sometimes the her reputation is at stake (If they found out that I'm a trans, would they also start thinking she was trans as well? A completely valid point I might add. I didn't think about it that way before and I feel for her even more. I would probaly have the same thoughts.) She is my sister and I love and respect her so much! And I asked her why she does it. She told me that one day, we'll both be the same. Beautiful asian twins. And she says she can't wait.

She even game me a little compliment of "Well, since you'll already have the fake tits, I mean, when we're 50, you'll still be the hotter twin!"

Awwww...