It hurts to hear Mom say incorrect pronouns

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

So I talked to mom today and she is trying really hard to understand that when a transwoman comes out, that is the time to start using the proper pronouns. When I talk on the phone with my mom, she will state "him", "he".... and I have stood my ground and state whom my spouse really is, "her", "she"... So it gets really confusing when we talk and I did not last to long of this happening, till tonight I started crying while I was on the phone with my mom...When she mentions he, his, it messes me up, the male side died inside of me and when she does this its like we are talking about a person that we had a funeral for.. Please do not misunderstand me, my spouse is still a huge part of our lives and I am good with that, but geez, at least say, "them" for me.... She said she will try. I said to her Thank you and she started stating Jill for the first time tonight and she told me she has been trying to refrain from using any pronouns in the past. I told her the better solution would be to say "them" "they till she can fulling come around.. I do feel better I stood up to my feelings and pain so I my journey can be easier to walk..

[ByeBye]

I'm tired of being referred to as a "he" and I'm tired of looking like a "he" so there. Because of my female soul and my male body discrepancy, I can't advance in my life until I look like the woman I am.

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

I'm tired of being referred to as a "he" and I'm tired of looking like a "he" so there. Because of my female soul and my male body discrepancy, I can't advance in my life until I look like the woman I am.

That is what my spouse says as well!!! In time I tell her in time!! I wish I could truly understand the pain within!! People are people no matter what and for anyone to judge differently is beyond me!! Are you taking hormones? She has been for 6 months and I can see a difference already, she looks much younger!!!

[Jeneva]

OK, I'm not a SO the way we define it at Susan's and so usually wouldn't post here, but my wife said to go ahead and share so you would know that it isn't just you.

I actually created a thread about this very thing.  Her mother simply refuses to acknowledge that I am trans at all.  When I first came out her mom tried to play the "him" or me game and she lost.  So now she doesn't actively take sides, but does this same passive sniping with names.  Our Thanksgiving dinner with them was very awkward and hurtful for me.  I thought it was finally starting to calm down and then her mom had her in tears again this weekend.  She even started a thread on her Facebook page that her mom can see (without naming names) and talked about how much it hurt her when people disregarded who I really am.  Of course her mom simply denies that even.  The funny thing is that I've written her off so the only way she hurts me now is to make me hurt because she is hurting my wife (her daughter) so badly.  I think she is about to tell her mother either accept or don't talk to us, but I hope it doesn't come down to that. 

I wish we could offer suggestions, but all we can offer is our sympathy and understanding and the knowledge that you aren't alone.

If we find any solutions one of us will be sure to post here.

We both wish you and your wife love and peace.  May you find the acceptance you both need.

[AprilAero]

I get call a he and him sometimes by my step mom and my dad and it really hurts. my family tells me I need to be tolerant but they need to try harder to not offend me.

On the plus side my mom and my step dad and my brother are extremely accepting of me these days and we get along very well. My grandparents have reached that point as well.

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

I actually created a thread about this very thing.  Her mother simply refuses to acknowledge that I am trans at all.  When I first came out her mom tried to play the "him" or me game and she lost.  So now she doesn't actively take sides, but does this same passive sniping with names.  Our Thanksgiving dinner with them was very awkward and hurtful for me.  I thought it was finally starting to calm down and then her mom had her in tears again this weekend.  She even started a thread on her Facebook page that her mom can see (without naming names) and talked about how much it hurt her when people disregarded who I really am.  Of course her mom simply denies that even.  The funny thing is that I've written her off so the only way she hurts me now is to make me hurt because she is hurting my wife (her daughter) so badly.  I think she is about to tell her mother either accept or don't talk to us, but I hope it doesn't come down to that. 

It is really painful for me as well!! I just hope that my family chooses to be more compassion and understanding as the forefront of their emotions rather then controlling and negativity!!! I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY NEGATIVITY!!!! It rents too much space in my head!! I have found that outside of other peoples negative influence that I am genuinely happy!!! I still have my spouse, the person I married is still there.. Geez... In fact I have taking top priority to strengthen my spirituality EVERDAY!!! I have found I am a much better and happier person that way. People all around us has forgotten that we ALL have feelings and they do not consider that my spouse is utterly in so much pain when she is referred to improperly!! We are seeing a therapist together, and separate. Some times I wish the sessions would last alot longer!!! LOL LOL My spouses pure essence is what is really important to me NOT what is in between the legs!!!!!! Not what A MAN can offer me or A woman can not!!! I do not see things the ways that others do... GRRR Why can't everyone be like hippies or something LOL I am just kidding, but really they are alot easier to live with then friggin control freaks whom have no heart!!!!!

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

I get call a he and him sometimes by my step mom and my dad and it really hurts. my family tells me I need to be tolerant but they need to try harder to not offend me.

I am just trying to be patient!! But I am tired of my parents putting me in a position where I turn into my spouses' spokesperson!!! If you have any resentments, or any questions, please ask her you all have her number!!!! GEEZ.. I am trying to let my wife walk her own path here and I am here for any support she may need but I have to set my OWN boundaries or I will not be taking good care of myself and in return she gets a broken spouse in return...

Thank you for your reply!!!

[qUiRkY qUeEn]

So my mom is starting to say Jill now !!!! WOO HOOO!!!! I am so happy she is trying!!!!! Dad has said Jill as well!! They are both trying so hard. If they slip up no biggie, we will understand!! I hope it stays this way!! I feel a little better, now we need Jills family to start at least educating themselves, so they can stop making nasty assumptions!!!! But whatever I guess....

[ToriJo]

I'm glad you supported your spouse.  It shows how SOs can make a huge difference, even if it is in just a few people.

[Jessikee]

My fiance's Mom, after years of being out and transitioned, still calls him 'she' and by his birth name and tries to convince him to go get "Mani/Pedi's" with her. Her doing this is actually the way I found out about my fiance' being Trans, up until that point, we had been together for 2 years and just last week passed our 3 year mark, I hadn't a clue. When I look at him, and still when I look at him, all I see is a man that loves me unconditionally.

I thank God everyday that he has his brother who constantly refers to him as his brother and 'broski' and uses the proper pronouns and that his Mom is getting better with all of this.
I suppose my only advice is to hold onto your patience, in time everything will happen the way it is suppose to, and until then we are all here for you to listen, hug, and lend a helpful and comforting hand when you need it. It's never easy hearing your spouses family or your own family refer to them as something that they aren't, especially when you know how much it would crush them.