awkward situation at work; need help please.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I've been at my current job three years.  The first two I was working there as female.   Tonight one of my supervisors, who has worked with me the whole three years, was talking to a co-worker (who has worked there maybe 6 months IDK the exact time just that she wasn't there when I was working as female so anywhere between 10 months to 6 because I know I was working as male for a few months before she came) about me.  I know this because the supervisor came to me and asked if I would bring pictures of myself from "before" since Co-worker didn't know me before I was male.  IDK how to handle this.  Those pictures aren't that bad,  I look like I do now just less hairy, less male looking, and I didn't bind (though my chest isn't very noticeable in them), and I had longer hair in some.  I don't mind people who knew me before seeing those pictures, but I just don't want to be some sideshow for others.  It's bad enough that they all pretty much know I'm trans, though no one messes up my pronouns or name, heck I don't even think most of them who didn't know me before transition know my birthname.  What would you do in this situation? 

[Cameron James]

Honestly, I think it's pretty ballsy of someone to ask you to bring pre-transition pictures of yourself for someone else to see. I would pull the supervisor aside next time I was at work and let them know that they don't have the right to discuss my past history with a co-worker without my express permission and that asking for pre-transition pictures is simply inappropriate.

For the record, I'm OK with showing people my pre-transition pictures, but only when I want to. If someone else told me to bring some in to show someone else, without me offering to on my own, I'd be pretty miffed.

[cindianna_jones]

Cameron dealt pretty effectively with the supervisor's aspect of this. If a coworker asks, just tell them that it was a painfull time that you'd just as soon forget. I doubt that they'll push beyond that.  To get rid of that past, it will might take new job or two to leave the baggage behind.

Chin up!

Cindi

[caseyy]

Totally inappropriate question for someone to ask...and I agree, just a little too ballsy. I'd probably just say "I barely know this person, i don't want to show them pictures of myself."

[lilacwoman]

tell them both that it's no concern of theirs and a HR matter.

[Ayden]

Wow. That's not cool at all. I think Cameron pretty much nailed what I would have said. Let your manager know that it is not appropriate or reasonable to ask you to bring in those pictures, nor is it either to be discussing your personal business to someone else. I am sure the manager would expect someone to exercise care when talking about them. As for the co-worker, if she wants to talk to you, she can buck up and do it.

[greendragon06]

Ayden has the appropriate idea about the coworker. If she thinks she has a legitimate reason more than sheer curiosity, she should ask you herself. If she wants to learn more about transgender people, you don't have to use yourself as an example and lead her to some resources online. Honestly though, it just sounds like work gossip and probably it will blow over and no one will remember it in a few weeks.

[insideontheoutside]

Yeah I would agree with what Cameron said. This seems like an invasion of privacy. Like why would the supervisor even be telling some coworker about you? I mean, yeah, people talk, but it's not professional for a supervisor to do. Unless you are completely open with everyone at your work and have explicitly come out to everyone, it's a personal matter that shouldn't be the topic of work conversation. Since you said, "it's bad enough they all pretty much know ..." I'm thinking you're not 100% ok with it and would have preferred the topic of your gender to not be discussed at the workplace.

[anibioman]

its none of his business so i would just tell him you dont have any.

[Da Monkey]

When people ask to a picture of see me before I tell them I will only if they show me an embarrassing, ugly, unflattering picture of themselves on a ->-bleeped-<-ty day in return.

[tekla]

only if they show me an embarrassing, ugly, unflattering picture of themselves on a ->-bleeped-<-ty day in return.

But that's everyone's old photos.  That's part of why people like to see them.  That and I think they are trying to gauge 'gee if they were like that then, and I was..., would I have liked them?' - something like that.  Some people's old photos show enormous changes, others look like younger miniature versions of the current model.

Anyway, it could be that its done - not out of some trans persecution/make fun of you (more so than we'd make fun of anyone else's pix) - but out of a natural interest that people have in other folks old photos.