Pronoun problems.... the start of a bad night

[Alainaluvsu]

Thanks. However I'm afraid her natural reaction will be to delete the channel and go into a shell. I really hope not because that will not get her anywhere either....

Well I would delete some of those videos. Those videos are troll bait!

[stldrmgrl]

Well, I feel the OP is confused and misinformed on many many things, and as you said, she really should see a therapist.  Between the posts on this site and her YouTube channel (not just the videos either), I am worried about her.  And yes, perhaps the comments in this thread are a bit harsh, but sometimes that's what it takes when someone does not seem to understand the first few times when it was stated...not so harsh (previous threads).  Nonetheless, I stand by everything I've said thus far.

[Mahsa Tezani]

  Nonetheless, I stand by everything I've said thus far.

Transition isn't given to anyone. It takes werqk.

[stldrmgrl]

Transition isn't given to anyone. It takes werqk.

Ya.  Something the OP seems to have overlooked.

[Mahsa Tezani]

Ya.  Something the OP seems to have overlooked.

Something a lot of transsexual women seem to overlook.

I mean I've been where she is now... and it sucked at the time. But even so, it didn't take that much to make me "passable" LOL... Some people require more work than others.

I wish I had been in more of the male state of mind at the beginning of my transition. Would have made things much easier mentally.



I recommend that for the OP... To just relax, learn, and let it flow.

[Alainaluvsu]

I recommend that for the OP... To just relax, learn, and let it flow.

God yes. This a million times. And get a plan. I'm not even gonna consider transitioning until probably after I finish cosmetology school unless I luck out and HRT gets me maam'd more than sir'd when I'm NOT trying to pass.

BTW I have seen her chan, nothing particularly disturbing stands out to me other than her obsession with trans vids, which tells me she's probably just very new to this and curious.

Holy crap there's so much involved in simply being transsexual. OP... I think I've given you my # in a text.. maybe you should text me. I promise I'm very nice.. blunt but nice

[Mahsa Tezani]

God yes. This a million times. And get a plan. I'm not even gonna consider transitioning until probably after I finish cosmetology school unless I luck out and HRT gets me maam'd more than sir'd when I'm NOT trying to pass.

I don't leave the house without a put together outfit, makeup on, etc... But then again, I am not only trying to pass...But attract men. Men are a bit more selective than lezzies.

I am sorry, but the only men who would go for the OP now are gays...

[stldrmgrl]

BTW I have seen her chan, nothing particularly disturbing stands out to me other than her obsession with trans vids

I'm not going to elaborate on my previous comment in relation to this.  As a matter of fact, I think I'm gonna bow out of this thread now...

[Alainaluvsu]

I am sorry, but the only men who would go for the OP now are gays...

Yeah... but she posted she wouldn't consider having sex with a guy until she has a vagina... so mark out gays, too!

I'm not going to elaborate on my previous comment in relation to this.  As a matter of fact, I think I'm gonna bow out of this thread now...

... damnit! Did I miss something? 

[Mahsa Tezani]

Yeah... but she posted she wouldn't consider having sex with a guy until she has a vagina... so mark out gays, too!

Men want to taste the outside before the vagina. They want the person leading to the vagina...

Sorry, I just think unless she knows how to feminize herself...she's gonna have issues with even doing that.

[niamh]

I am loving the tough love on this thread. Totally agree.

And as others have said, I really do hope she stays and develops and in a year or two can can look back and see the amazing progress she has made.

[lonely girl]

I don't ... I've come out to a few people, and I have a very difficult time asking people to refer to me as a female when I still haven't gotten laser yet, and I have thick black hair  poking out of my face no matter how close I shave. It doesn't matter how much you know you're a female, if you're subconscious about your looks, you know what kind of treatment you can naturally expect to get.

To the OP: I've checked out your youtube vids. What I am about to say will probably be taken very harshly, but it's only meant to help. Keep in mind, transitioning has killed many, many people. Suicide rates are astonishing for the gender dysphoric, so it is ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT you KNOW with 100% certainty who you are, or what gender dysphoria you're experiencing now will seem like a sunny fall day filled with bunnies and rainbows and whatever good thoughts you can imagine.

I think you need to see a therapist if you haven't been already. If you have been, I suggest finding another, because I read you as somebody who is trying to be a girl instead of trying to be yourself.

My therapist asked me all the time "Why do you think you're a girl" .. my first answer was something along the lines of "Well I'm sympathetic and nurturing blahblahblah" .. and he told me "Well a guy can be that". There is so much truth to this statement. A guy can like pink, a guy can wear dresses, a guy can be ditzy. Society may not like it, but a guy can do all of these things. Something far more deeper than stereotypical desires / fetishes causes true transsexualism. It took my therapist forcing me to write an essay on why I feel the way I do to snap everything into focus for me. I wont tell you what I wrote because I don't want you to go along the lines of me, but I would seriously suggest you do the same thing and taking that to therapy.

I'm sorry, but when you make posts saying you'd like to wear some godawful softball shirt with a glittery "Cutie" on it, you make youtube videos of clinique products at the mall, or you make a video where you stand in front of the mirror for 1 full minute with your shirt pinned in the back so you can show us what boobs you have, while you laugh like a teenage boy thinking about boobs, that tends to scream "I'm overcompensating!" Couple that with the way you mumble, stumble, and laugh nervously 95% of the time and I'd say deep down, you're extremely insecure with who you are.

As someone has said earlier, you're just beginning and you have a long way to go. Get it right. Call your parents bluff and have them help you get some therapy if you aren't seeing it already. If you get yourself wrong, you will have so many regrets it's not even funny. However, if you are truly trans, a therapist will help you be yourself, instead of coming off insecure, childish, defensive, and well.. just overall awkward!

Pats on the back honey. I know you're looking for support and acceptance, but sometimes the best support is a reality check.

Alaina, you got it right on spot
OP, zone out your fantasy world for a minute and look at her advices

[Rabbit]

i believe when you come out as transgender you have the right to ask for a specific pronoun usage.

Sure, you can get upset and start making people use the right pronoun when you are in earshot... but, all that really does is alienate yourself.

You can't force them to actually see you as that gender. They will just think something is wrong with you ...

I will never ask someone to refer to me as a female. In fact, when my friends started using female pronouns now and then... I corrected them to use male ones. When a stranger does it, I ignore it though (I don't want to make an issue of it).

The thing is, I am deathly afraid of being seen as psychotic. I don't want to be seen as "a man in a dress" or some "dilusional guy trying to be a girl".

I can't force the world to see me as female... so, instead, I plan to keep transitioning until I can't force them to see me as male.

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

Sure, you can get upset and start making people use the right pronoun when you are in earshot... but, all that really does is alienate yourself.

You can't force them to actually see you as that gender. They will just think something is wrong with you ...

I will never ask someone to refer to me as a female. In fact, when my friends started using female pronouns now and then... I corrected them to use male ones. When a stranger does it, I ignore it though (I don't want to make an issue of it).

The thing is, I am deathly afraid of being seen as psychotic. I don't want to be seen as "a man in a dress" or some "dilusional guy trying to be a girl".

I can't force the world to see me as female... so, instead, I plan to keep transitioning until I can't force them to see me as male.

being seen by some people as a "man in a dress" or a "delusional guy trying to be a girl" is just the risks you have to be willing to accept. it isn't going to change if you look like miss america and have the same reputation for being transgender. even if you go as far as srs, those same people will likely not change. are they going to say it to your face? i doubt it, unless they really have some serious etiquette problems. being looked down at by some people is just the common consequence for being gender variant, no matter what pronouns people call you.

[Mahsa Tezani]

being seen by some people as a "man in a dress" or a "delusional guy trying to be a girl" is just the risks you have to be willing to accept. it isn't going to change if you look like miss america and have the same reputation for being transgender..

SRS doesn't change anything. Especially if you're built like a linebacker, someone like me isn't gonna say, "Oh my, you got the surgery...now you're as woman as my best friend!". I laugh at the fact that people think srs is gonna change an outsiders perception of them being perceived as male. We're all born differently, some pass better than others... But there is a small group who perceive us as all the same...as men in dresses/drag. The difference is that someone of us ACCEPT it and get on with our lives and some never do. Those who never do, have a difficult life...especially if you were a very masculine guy previous to change. Often living in a state of denial.

Yeah, even the prettiest transgenders are called  "is that a man or woman?" "men in dresses", "ugly", "it" "she/he" it's all part of being trans. Not to mention that some people easily can spot transgenders, no matter how pretty/passable you look. It's reality...

I freely admit to being a DQ/TG. I mean obiviously, I get a lot of cispeople of all sexual orientations telling me I look "pretty", "passable" "fabulous", "look like a real woman". etc... But guess what? NOT everyone sees it...But chances are I am not around those folks. Even though I know they are out there.

But even if you have it easy, you have to realize...that your surrounding yourself with cheerleaders and aren't living in a objective reality. That can be the most difficult thing of all for most trans.

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

SRS doesn't change anything. Especially if you're built like a linebacker, someone like me isn't gonna say, "Oh my, you got the surgery...now you're as woman as my best friend!". I laugh at the fact that people think srs is gonna change an outsiders perception of them being perceived as male. We're all born differently, some pass better than others... But there is a small group who perceive us as all the same...as men in dresses/drag. The difference is that someone of us ACCEPT it and get on with our lives and some never do. Those who never do, have a difficult life...especially if you were a very masculine guy previous to change. Often living in a state of denial.

Yeah, even the prettiest transgenders are called  "is that a man or woman?" "men in dresses", "ugly", "it" "she/he" it's all part of being trans. Not to mention that some people easily can spot transgenders, no matter how pretty/passable you look. It's reality...

I freely admit to being a DQ/TG. I mean obiviously, I get a lot of cispeople of all sexual orientations telling me I look "pretty", "passable" "fabulous", "look like a real woman". etc... But guess what? NOT everyone sees it...But chances are I am not around those folks. Even though I know they are out there.

But even if you have it easy, you have to realize...that your surrounding yourself with cheerleaders and aren't living in a objective reality. That can be the most difficult thing of all for most trans.

i like to remind myself that there's other oppressed groups which don't apply to me, race being an example. in american culture, white people are held to a higher standard. it may be like that in other places, and obviously there's some people who are more open minded, but the same things keep happening again and again. my mom is actually more multicultural since she found out i'm transgender. it kind of comes with territory, but the other day she said something about how this mall we used to go to is now losing business. it's losing lots of stores." she says "now there's just the black people there with their screaming kids." people still see color even if they say they aren't truly racist. just being white, that's a system of oppression i am free from. people only think about their own selves most of the time, which is lots of the problem.

[Annah]

I'm going to say some stuff you probably don't want to hear.

Identity is something that people set in stone in general. If you're known to be unreliable, but you all of a sudden determine that you're going to show everybody you're reliable, it's not just a matter of telling everybody that you're reliable. Same with gender identity. For the most part, people need to be eased into a comfort zone when dealing with very dramatic change. You're willing to tell people what you are, that's the biggest advantage you have because it means you aren't ashamed to be female. Use that with confidence. With confidence and determination in yourself, you mold who you are instead of letting others do it for you.

Don't just tell people you're a girl, show them. However, being a girl isn't just wearing clothes or bows etc. For example: at work, I say and do things pretty girlish, and people have expected me to react to anything like a girl, and like the same things females would typically be interested in. I've told nobody I'm trans, yet I have told them blood tests show my hormones to resemble that of an ovulating female. You know what response I got? "I'm not surprised", and "Oh, that makes sense". I say and do things pretty girlish, and people have expected me to react to anything like a girl, and like the same things females would typically be interested in. I've been handed Avon magazines, asked to make bows for the company christmas party, and pretty much excluded from physical labor just due to my additude. This took very little time in the scope of things.. a matter of months.

Subtlety and slow change is so much easier to deal with than if you were to demand a dramatic, all of a sudden change. You're not gonna have much luck telling people to call you by female pronouns just because you ask them to, and just because you wear a bow in  your hair. Thought process, emotional response, and what you participate in are a whole lot more of an argument towards your gender identity than just your word and your clothing choice. When you stomp your feet and yell about something people see as complete nonsense, they're going to look at you like you're having an emotional meltdown and that you need serious psychological help. Just take a few months to adjust them, I promise you'll make progress!

EDIT: Keep in mind, you're asking people that love you to death to see you as something completely different from what they know you as. They may be afraid that they won't enjoy the "new you" as much as who they know you as!

I couldnt have said it better myself. Perfect

From my perspectives, in her videos, she is trying too hard to be "a girl" if that makes any sense. Everyone here spoke some awesome advice for her to come up with a plan, talk to a therapist and proceed with caution.

[Rabbit]

being seen by some people as a "man in a dress" or a "delusional guy trying to be a girl" is just the risks you have to be willing to accept.

Ohh, I don't mean being seen by this by people with prejudices... i mean people without any real opinion of transgender people seeing someone and deciding that.

So far, I have told lots of people about being transgendered and being on hormones... but I don't get any negative reactions (except my father, which is from a prejudice he has towards ->-bleeped-<-).

I have a lot of theories why this is, but the main one is just being careful of how you are coming across. This isn't a "boy" or "girl" thing...it is just a matter of normalcy. For example, if my mother suddenly started wearing little pink dresses... people would think she was very strange (in the same way they would look at a "man in a dress" or whatever else).

I think sometimes the trans community places too much importance on gender binaries... as if the world has the "girls" and "boys" so harshly divided that there is no crossing it. I have actually found (even before starting transition) that things are a lot less rigid...

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

Ohh, I don't mean being seen by this by people with prejudices... i mean people without any real opinion of transgender people seeing someone and deciding that.

So far, I have told lots of people about being transgendered and being on hormones... but I don't get any negative reactions (except my father, which is from a prejudice he has towards ->-bleeped-<-).

I have a lot of theories why this is, but the main one is just being careful of how you are coming across. This isn't a "boy" or "girl" thing...it is just a matter of normalcy. For example, if my mother suddenly started wearing little pink dresses... people would think she was very strange (in the same way they would look at a "man in a dress" or whatever else).

I think sometimes the trans community places too much importance on gender binaries... as if the world has the "girls" and "boys" so harshly divided that there is no crossing it. I have actually found (even before starting transition) that things are a lot less rigid...

that seems like it makes more sense.

[Rain Dog]

They tell me I can be a girl or whatever and then they say it's stupid and I need to see a psych and get medication.

Your parents may be right about this part. You usually need to be diagnosed with GID for legal and hormonal transition.