I agree about counseling - whether couples counseling or something else (I'd recommend finding an open minded counselor who doesn't have an agenda), but of course that isn't for everyone either. But it can be a very positive experience to sort out your emotions (which is important for BOTH you and your partner!).
As for being a lesbian, the way I think I would suggest looking at it (granted, I'm not a woman, so my advice isn't necessarily right!) is that you are or aren't in love with her. If you are in love with her, don't run from love! Let your heart lead you. After all, plenty of people date someone who doesn't meet all of their "ideal relationship" criteria (and even if they meet the criteria today, who knows if they will in 20 years!). Just let your heart lead (look at the long term leading, not quick emotions that may come or go). Not every relationship needs to be labeled, even if many people insist on labeling.
