Curious/Confused/How..

[JR15]

I guess my subject sums this thread all up, prepare for questions.

Anyway, I'm at that point in my life where I just can't seem to hold anymore of these feelings in, or hide my true self any longer. I have been fighting myself and telling myself no, I'm not this, I'm not that. But I think now I have accepted who I am, just waiting to come out and for the world to accept me, mostly my family. A part of me says that everything is gonna be okay if I do come out, everyone especially my family will be okay with it and accepting then the other part of me says otherwise and that's where I back down and try to think myself out of everything that I believed in.

So, I guess I'm curious to know how you all started to come out and tell people/family. And what steps you took to get to where you are. I have looked into what transitioning is and in my head I want nothing more to do so, but in reality I'd chicken out for the sake of my family. I want more than anything to be a male, since I was younger. I'm 21 now and secretly dressing as one from time to time. Started binding as well. Have done some research, so I'm curious to what it all is. In my head, my heart I know I'm a boy, I know I should have been one. I wish I hadn't kept these feelings in when I was younger, I wish I had asked more questions to my parents, asked why I am like this so they were aware sooner. I'm afraid they wont accept me, especially my mom. She's very religious. Often times she sees gay, bis, lesbians and transgendered people on t.v and says "if you guys are ever like that, I'll disown you." So, that's what I have to deal with. My older sister is more accepting, but I feel distant with her nowadays. So I feel I have to keep it to myself. Lately I been down and it's apparent, my mom's been asking if I'm okay and doing extra things for me so that gives me hope that whatever I'm feeling she'll accept. I really don't want to tell them anything since it's the holidays, so I don't know when the right time could be. I'm in desperate need of help, of someone to talk to.

On the bright side, I see these websites with FTMs and they look absolutely great and happy with themselves, I always think to myself that one day I'll be at that point in my life, wishing sooner. I am so glad for finding websites such as these to help me out and remind me that I'm not alone. If you all could please help I would appreciate it. Thank you.

[Felix]

You can be happy with yourself. I'm happier than I ever dared to believe I could be. It's work, though.

Any particular questions?

Stick around. We'll be here for you, and you'll find lots of guys in your position.

[Lee]

Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your family, but they just might surprise you.  You could poke around the coming out section to read about various ways other people have approached it and what reactions they got.  It's also fine to wait if you're not comfortable with approaching the subject with your parents yet. 

If there's a trans or LGBT group in your area it might help to have an area where you can vent and be seen as a guy.  Seeing a gender therapist or someone along those lines would be good too as they can suggest ways to work with your family and get started on transitioning.  They can also write recommendations for hormones or surgery if you decide to go that route. 

Good luck and let us know if we can help with anything.

Felix- It's good to see you happy. 

[JR15]

Hey, thanks guys. Ironic enough, I'm glad to say that I came out to my sister about an hour or so ago. Feels as if a weight has lifted off me. Well just one, I have a very large family, but small steps. However, since coming out to my sister, I don't think she quite understands where I'm coming from. I mean there's being gay and wanting to transition, I think she's still grasping on the fact that  I'm gay. She said she would help me out in seeking a therapist, so I hope all goes well.

Anyway, I don't have any specific questions that i could think of for now Felix. Just general questions. I don't know if this is a good question or not but I'll try to explain. For most of my life, I've kept a lot to myself and put on a front to others, such as acting and dressing feminine so thats how I'm perceived from friends to be a tomboy but a girl at heart (which is absolute bs, the girl at heart part, tomboy yes). So as you can imagine I still act and dress that way around friends and family, however slowly changing. My question is, after coming out what did you do? What began your journey to transitioning?  It may be different for you, sorry such a vague question.

And Lee thank you for your input.

[Felix]

Hey, thanks guys. Ironic enough, I'm glad to say that I came out to my sister about an hour or so ago. Feels as if a weight has lifted off me. Well just one, I have a very large family, but small steps. However, since coming out to my sister, I don't think she quite understands where I'm coming from. I mean there's being gay and wanting to transition, I think she's still grasping on the fact that  I'm gay. She said she would help me out in seeking a therapist, so I hope all goes well.

Anyway, I don't have any specific questions that i could think of for now Felix. Just general questions. I don't know if this is a good question or not but I'll try to explain. For most of my life, I've kept a lot to myself and put on a front to others, such as acting and dressing feminine so thats how I'm perceived from friends to be a tomboy but a girl at heart (which is absolute bs, the girl at heart part, tomboy yes). So as you can imagine I still act and dress that way around friends and family, however slowly changing. My question is, after coming out what did you do? What began your journey to transitioning?  It may be different for you, sorry such a vague question.

And Lee thank you for your input.

I came out gradually. I told my boyfriend first, then people on this site, then a therapist, then a doctor, then my sister, then my friends, then my kid. It's been a bit over a year since I started transitioning, and there are still a few people I need to come out to. I mostly dress the same as I always did. I started hormones and applied for name change this month, but I don't always pass. I've lost some loved ones, but for the most part it's all been pretty amazing.

Don't get me wrong, it's all been pretty confusing too. I don't think there's been any point at which I knew what I was doing.

[Jeh]

Anyway, I don't have any specific questions that i could think of for now Felix. Just general questions. I don't know if this is a good question or not but I'll try to explain. For most of my life, I've kept a lot to myself and put on a front to others, such as acting and dressing feminine so thats how I'm perceived from friends to be a tomboy but a girl at heart (which is absolute bs, the girl at heart part, tomboy yes). So as you can imagine I still act and dress that way around friends and family, however slowly changing. My question is, after coming out what did you do? What began your journey to transitioning?  It may be different for you, sorry such a vague question.

Can I try and answer this, too?

The first step I took towards transitioning was cutting my hair. Even then, I cut it in a short pixie style before I went to a men's style. Then, I connected with LGBT organizations. One on my university campus, and one in my community. This gave me a valuable space where people would accept me as a guy even though I wasn't passing, so I could see how it would feel to be treated as male. After some time of this, I felt undoubtedly like transitioning would be the right thing to do. I went to my doctor and started the referral process to start on T, which took some time. I started dressing in guys clothes, started binding. Then I came out to my family, one at a time, telling them in person in an area where we wouldn't be distracted.

At first, my family reacted favourably. After about 6 months of dressing as a guy, I asked my teachers to start calling me by my male name. And after 8 months, I finally got in to see a doctor about starting T. I started T in April, just as school was ending. I kept in touch with my friends over the summer, and as the transition progressed, they naturally started calling me 'he'. They were waiting for me to tell them when I wanted them to start calling me 'he', but I was a little hesitant, so they just started doing it themselves.

I returned to university in September - I couldn't go completely stealth, because all of the people in my program knew that I used to be a girl. But I'm accepted as a guy.

My family became less accepting just as I was starting T last April. I think that when I came out to them in September 2010, they thought it was a phase and I wasn't really serious, and then when I started hormones they realized I was serious, and got scared. They've come a long way since April, and are accepting, if not happy.

That's my story, and I hope it answered your general question in there somewhere. If you have any more, just ask.

[Sam-]

... I have looked into what transitioning is and in my head I want nothing more to do so, but in reality I'd chicken out for the sake of my family. ...

I'm too tired to give out any advice right now, just wanted to let you know I feel the EXACT same way about that! I'll try to remember to return to this thread tomorrow. Glad to hear it went well with your sister 

[JR15]

Thank you all so much for responding.
I have also thought about cutting my hair in these past few days to somewhat i guess symbolize my coming out, or begin coming out to people. I just think that that wold be too dramatic I don't know, I just feel stuck right now.

[Felix]

Thank you all so much for responding.
I have also thought about cutting my hair in these past few days to somewhat i guess symbolize my coming out, or begin coming out to people. I just think that that wold be too dramatic I don't know, I just feel stuck right now.

I cut my hair as a milestone, yes, but I did it stepwise, kinda to test the waters. Went from long to short but still girly, then to shorter, then to a mohawk (which actually fit my female presentation fine, personality-wise), and then finally just went to a barber and said help me pass please. There weren't any real shocks for anybody, except of course when I switched to my chosen name and male pronouns.