emotional manipulation

[jillian]

Today seems neutral

However fear, guilt, anxiety.
They all seem to bring me to a place where my thoughts become extremely suicidal.

Through positive thinking and pushing through fear I have begun to overcome this terribly dark place.

However guilt is a hard feeling to shake.

Lately it seems like I fight and wake up with hopefullness and courage, only to have guilt laid on thick by my significant other.
She was fine, but the hormones are working overtime and I really look feminine, in fact I do look like a completely different person.
I understand she has to go through what she has to go through, and to expect her to suppress it is wrong.
However, the guilt I feel from her depression is what is eating me alive.
I shared the fact that I do have suicidal thoughts quite often and now I am being accused of using it as a tool of emotional manipulation.

The thing is, I cant stop it.
The way I found to calm it, is through faith and hopefullness.
Aside from anti depressants, which I am NOT taking, how can I get through this.
I told her she should think about finding another man.
I told her I love her so much that I will stay with her until she can find someone whom she loves and treats her like the angel she is.
I told her I would always be her friend.
I love her so much, but this at times feels like we are in a catch 22, and it seems like people think that I am using these thoughts to manipulate her.
I dont want to do that.
Im trying to be positive, its just sometimes the guilt I feel is horrendous.
My mom, my dad, my sisters,everyone is handling it like I hurt them and ruined the family.
How do I let go of that?

[Cindy]

 First take your anti-depressant medications.

It is very difficult to be rational with out them.

You are lovely, love your self.

Your problems are yours, you do not need to explain them to anyone but you.

You are not alone. We are here for you.

Cindy

[Amazon D]

Ask your mate to wait a year to see how things work out. Let her know you are going through a lot and she is too. You both need a break from the relationship aspect. Make some kind of deal that will put off the negative feelings which will give both of you time to have clearer thinking minds. Let her know your no good for anyone until your good for yourself. She needs to also be good for herself. Then as two healthy humans you two can make real life decisions. Anything else was built or stands on sinking soil.

Its the same reason why a recovering addict stays away from relationships until they find the true them. Both of you need to find the real you. Only then can you find a true soulmate which may be each other. But give yourselves time to find your selves first.

hugs Danielle

[fionabell]

Is it too late to reverse your transition?

[Jeneva]

Why can't you take anti-depressants?  Have you had them before and had a bad reaction?  Is there maybe a different prescription you can try this time?  You have asked her to accept a lot, isn't it fair to accept taking something to help keep you from spiraling out of control for her?

Have you been taking them and then stopped recently?  Because that will often cause a major crash.

I suspect very many of us here take them, what specifically is your concern?  I know for me it has done a world of good and I don't feel any side effects.

Are you seeing a therapist?  Can you talk to them about this guilt?  Does your wife say she wants you to feel this guilt?  If she doesn't then your therapist may have suggestions to help you let it go.