Facebook Dilemma

[Annah]

Ok, so I have some people on my facebook that found me through my videos, etc.

Earlier in my transition, I was more than happy to help people but a lot of things about me has changed. The biggest change is my involvement in transgender issues in real life. I used to be really big into it. Lobbied with the HRC; the whole nine yards.

Now that I have been living for two years as me, the trans issues has melted away from me. Mostly because the new students this year does not know and no one at my job knows. When you're immersed as a female, both outwardly and inwardly, the passion to pursue transgender issues has not been on my most important list.

With that said, I have a person on my facebook who ALWAYS talk about her therapy, her wanting to take HRT very badly, who she came out to today, etc etc. It's a 100% surety, she will talk to me about transgender issues.

I just don't have the heart to tell her to please stop with all the transgender issues. I remember when I was at her stage and I needed to tell everyone.

[Mahsa Tezani]

Just remove her from your newsfeed and unsubscribe.

I am the same way too...I don't care to hear about transitions.

[Re: Joyce]

I think talking to everyone about trans issues must be a step we all go through.  I know I did.

      Like you, I'm over it.  I'm living as me now and I'm a person.  When it comes to FB, I don't care for any friends who espouse any cause on a regular basis.  I really don't care to hear about trans issues, politics, religion or anything else that consumes your life.

      Tell me what you're doing, I'll share my life as well, but don't get carried away with any one thing all the time.

      I've had to "un-friend" a few friends.  I just did it quietly, in the stealth of the night....   No point in a needless confrontation.

      I have to show people my potential, there's no point in talking about it all the time.   Just do it.

[Annah]

i wish i could just defriend her. I just can't. It's a rather big disadvantage to my personality. I got it from my father. I cannot say no to someone and I cannot hurt someone's feelings.

I lasted only two years as a cop with that mentality.

[Mahsa Tezani]

I mean I constantly leave subtle clues about my gay past. But most people can't figure them out. Everyone honestly assumes I am some fruitfly who went too far.

But would I ever say, "I am a ->-bleeped-<-" on fb? Some people know, some don't.

It isn't an everyday subject for my page. I am more into movies, stupid crap on the net, etc.

[MsDazzler]

It is like black people saying they are sick of hearing other black people's issues.

Just be a friend and listen. That's all you can do for now.

[Jen-Jen]

i wish i could just defriend her. I just can't. It's a rather big disadvantage to my personality. I got it from my father. I cannot say no to someone and I cannot hurt someone's feelings.

I lasted only two years as a cop with that mentality.

you don't have to defriend her, but message her and tell her how you feel! exactly what you told us here. explain to her where your life is now and how you would like to keep it that way. Tell her you would be happy to help her and answer any questions but to please private message you on trans issues. I am sure she will understand and i am sure she hopefully wants to arrive at the same point you are in life someday. My S.O. has the same disadvantage in her personality it has caused her many negatives in her life.  You need to learn to say no, and there is ways not to hurt people feelings, by making them understand.

[tekla]

i am sure she hopefully wants to arrive at the same point you are in life someday

Assuming that's a good place to be.  And I'm not so sure it is.  How is anyone going to find the new space if all the signposts disappear?  While I understand that there is a notion of 'getting on with it', the fact that it often sounds like "I got mine, FU" is hard to ignore.

[Jen-Jen]

i am sure she hopefully wants to arrive at the same point you are in life someday

Assuming that's a good place to be.  And I'm not so sure it is.  How is anyone going to find the new space if all the signposts disappear?  While I understand that there is a notion of 'getting on with it', the fact that it often sounds like "I got mine, FU" is hard to ignore.

Tekla, you need to read things again. Being full time where Annah is currently in her life is  a good place to be, why do you have to be so negative. I was in no way saying to stop helping this girl out! she can, in private. that's why i said maybe through private message. I am sure Annah isn't saying she doesn't want to help her, shes saying she's causing unwanted issues on her facebook. In no way does she or I want her to say FU, i got mine and i am getting on with it!

[tekla]

What about any of this is private?  Don't you want public records changed?  Don't you want public acknowledgement of your choice?  Don't you want legal protections - public laws -  for those changes?  If it were private I'd agree.  But little to none of this is private.

[Jen-Jen]

OMG really? you just don't get it! your too hard headed! your one sided! of course I want records changed and so forth , again thats not what this is about! stop making it bigger than what it is! I am not gonna argue with someone like you, your Ms. Always right!and you'll always have a comeback, so yes Tekla your right! happy? good.

[tekla]

I just think that a lot of people owe a lot more than they are going to give back, and that's not going to move anything forward, it's going to move it all back.

[fionabell]

"defriend" lol

I wonder how that term would go off in real life? I think I might start using it. "so and so defriended me"

[Jennifer.L]

@Marsha "But would I ever say, "I am a ->-bleeped-<-" on fb?"

You know I was thinking that well most people don't know one kind of transe from another.  I for one don't like to say I'm transe, because I always feel like they think I'm a Cross Dresser or a Female Impersonator.  I mean nothing bad about them.  but most people are alot more.... um... uncomfortable with that kind of person, then they would be with us.  So like ya the only transition I want to know about is my own.  And god help me I jsut started a girl on the path.  So now I'm gonna have to hear about all her things.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora Annah,

Don't take this the wrong way but..."You reap what you sow girl !" Now you have to live with it ....

Metta Zenda

[Jen-Jen]

I just think that a lot of people owe a lot more than they are going to give back, and that's not going to move anything forward, it's going to move it all back.

ok, I can see that. But she is willing to help the girl, so its actually still moving forward even if in private. Not all of us want to be put on blast that we are trans once we established we are female to the world, as is it takes alot to get there.

[fionabell]

If Annahs stealth, she's stealth. This persons just blowing her cover.

She can always make an account here to learn stuff.

[Jen-Jen]

Exactly, thank you!

[Anatta]

Ok, so I have some people on my facebook that found me through my videos, etc.

Earlier in my transition, I was more than happy to help people but a lot of things about me has changed. The biggest change is my involvement in transgender issues in real life. I used to be really big into it. Lobbied with the HRC; the whole nine yards.

Now that I have been living for two years as me, the trans issues has melted away from me. Mostly because the new students this year does not know and no one at my job knows. When you're immersed as a female, both outwardly and inwardly, the passion to pursue transgender issues has not been on my most important list.

With that said, I have a person on my facebook who ALWAYS talk about her therapy, her wanting to take HRT very badly, who she came out to today, etc etc. It's a 100% surety, she will talk to me about transgender issues.

I just don't have the heart to tell her to please stop with all the transgender issues. I remember when I was at her stage and I needed to tell everyone.

Kia Ora Annah,

Your post should be a warning for others...If one wants to go stealth,semi-stealth or deep stealth, it pays not to 'expose' your self on the net[photos videos name etc]...Damage is done in your case but for others just starting out, they perhaps can learn from your mistakes...There's always a positive side to things...A down side for one can be an up side for others ! So look on the bright side Annah, your mistakes have helped others [be it unintentionally]...

Metta Zenda

[Annah]

ok hold the phone lol

I think there's a lot of misunderstood things I mentioned in my original post.

First of all, I have no regrets doing what I did on youtube or in my blog. If I had to start over I would do the same thing again so no...it's not a warning to others as Zenda assumed nor is it a mistake. Just as there was someone for me to help me when I first transitioned, I am proud to know I have helped others in return.

I just want to make it clear that while I am "stealth," I am still proud of my past and everything else thrown in the mix. Type Annah Hinman on Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com and you'll see me. Stealth really isn't the key problem here.

It's just I would rather not like to spend every waking moment immersed in trans issues. I enjoy being just me...I got to the point where I am Annah....nothing more and nothing less. Doesn't mean I wanna go deep stealth because I really do not put much stock in the whole 100% stealth thing anyway.

My main point of contrition is that when I sign onto facebook, I would rather not talk about trans stuff the split second I get on. Just like a doctor would rather not chat with his patients on vacation, I rather not talk about trans stuff when Im playing Castleville on FB.

I hope I made that clearer. It isn't about being stealth....its about not wanting to talk trans all the time.