my stupid dad

[Jude]

don't get me wrong, i love my dad. but sometimes he opens his mouth and i want to kill myself.
my dad is a fun guy, fun to go out to places with but lately i hate being in public with him. that's because he always outs me as female! not to toot my own horn, but i dont exactly look like a girl. my dad talks to everyone he sees when he's out and he ALWAYS ends up outing me. its embarassing, uncomfortable, and reallly really annoying. it also breaks my heart everytime he (or anyone for that matter) says "she, her, hers". it just does my head in.

my birth name is a girl's name but can be shortened to a unisex version which i usually go by. but my dad ALWAYS calls me by my full name no matter how many times i tell him not to. another thing about him is that he always tries/wants to be the centre of attention. if i just wake up, he's up in my face doing anything to try and get attention on him. today he said "how is my pretty little princess"................ everytime he says anything even remotely close to this i tell him not to say things like that and i get mad. im not out to my dad, but i am to my mom. though i am positive she has talked to him about it. he just doesn't listen no matter what

i like hanging out with my friends because they respect me and call me he. i love my family (mom, dad, bro, sis) but i hate being around them because everytime they say she it kills me. sorry for the rant. i just needed to get this out. my mom, sis, dad, uncle, and cousin are in the next room and i burst into tears halfway through this.

[Dominick_81]

I know exactly how that feels. My mom does that to me all the time in public and she knows I'm trans. But She just calls me "Am" which is short for my name ,(which can mean anything but "Am" sounds female to me) but she'll always use female pronouns in public which is so embarrassing b/c I feel she's outing me right there, and believe she doesn't want anyone to know I'm trans, and I don't think I look too female and she has told me in the past that I do look like a boy. But you just have to remember that family, especially parents will use wrong pronouns. They may never see you as you want to been seen. It's hard for parents to accept that their child wants to be the opposite gender than what they were born as, ya know what I mean?

My cousin has a 7 month old baby and my grandmother is always telling the baby, say,(female name)over and over and over again while I'm right there with the baby and she does this all the time. It absolutely kills me, and she knows I'm trans too. I told my cousin the baby is gunna end up being really confused as to what gender I am. I'm always telling the baby my male name, and that it's not (female name). He's too young to understand now, but my cousin is gunna have to explain to him when he's older that I'm trans.

So yeah, I know how it feels and it totally sucks!

[Jude]

dude..... if my grandmother did that... i dont even know.
that's so horrible.

am sounds kinda foreign to me, i dont think most people would know if it's a male or female name if that makes you feel any better. also if your mom thinks you look like a boy and you've told her you're trans why won't she just use male pronouns?

it's kinda dangerous for us to be outed in public. because if a stranger sees a boy that's being called a girl (ftm) or a girl that's being called a boy (mtf) they could beat them up or something.

the thing about being outed by my dad is that whenever people call me he or whatever and my dad corrects them, he looks over at me and gives me this look like "i'm embarassed of you"

[Jude]

gahh i hate passive aggressive behaviour. my dad is also passive aggressive
when he acts that way i tell him to man up and just say what he thinks

[Mister]

How long have you been out?  Are you/have you started to physically transition?  How far along are you? Have you legally changed your name/gender/IDs?  Have you asked him to respect these changes and address you accordingly?

But really, with parents, you need to give them time.  They have seen you the same way since before you were born and most have a very hard time changing that overnight.  What helps parents/family, as mine have readily admitted and asked me to share with others, is that it's awfully easy to go along with this new "my kid is now a boy thing" when you begin to look the part.  I used to basically cross dress since high school and so my parents saw no different.  After having moved away, I came back to visit with a deep voice, a beard, surgery done, legal stuff done, etc and everyone was 100% compliant.  not saying you should have to do all these things, but convincing them to alter their perceptions of you on the basis of one awkward conversation is a pipe dream.

[justmeinoz]

I am not quite sure I followed this right.   You are out to your mother but not your father?
If you don't know for sure that your mother has told him  how do you expect him to act and react?  You are probably confusing the hell out of him. 
The only answer is to tell him too.  Then you can honestly object to his statements and behaviour.

Karen.

[Keaira]

If you don't know for sure that your mother has told him  how do you expect him to act and react?  You are probably confusing the hell out of him. 
The only answer is to tell him too.  Then you can honestly object to his statements and behaviour.

Karen.

This.

But I do understand completely. My wife wont use anything but my old name. It's bad enough there are retards at work who do that just to ruin my day. But I even let my wife pick my middle name for heavens sake!

[Dominick_81]

dude..... if my grandmother did that... i dont even know.
that's so horrible.

am sounds kinda foreign to me, i dont think most people would know if it's a male or female name if that makes you feel any better. also if your mom thinks you look like a boy and you've told her you're trans why won't she just use male pronouns?

it's kinda dangerous for us to be outed in public. because if a stranger sees a boy that's being called a girl (ftm) or a girl that's being called a boy (mtf) they could beat them up or something.

the thing about being outed by my dad is that whenever people call me he or whatever and my dad corrects them, he looks over at me and gives me this look like "i'm embarassed of you"

Yeah, it is horrible.


"am sounds kinda foreign to me, i dont think most people would know if it's a male or female name if that makes you feel any better"

Yeah, that makes me feel better.


"also if your mom thinks you look like a boy and you've told her you're trans why won't she just use male pronouns?"

It's too hard for her. She doesn't want me to change.


"it's kinda dangerous for us to be outed in public. because if a stranger sees a boy that's being called a girl (ftm) or a girl that's being called a boy (mtf) they could beat them up or something."

That's what I think too. But their are people who don't know I'm trans and will call me out in public by my full name. It's so embarrassing.


"the thing about being outed by my dad is that whenever people call me he or whatever and my dad corrects them, he looks over at me and gives me this look like "i'm embarassed of you"

I know that sucks. That's how my family is too. They don't want anyone to know b/c it's embarrasses them. They don't want their friends to know they have a child who wants to be the opposite gender of what they were born as.


I think the best thing is when you have the money is to move out and just get a way from your family until they accept you. That's what I'm gunna do.

[Minhuit]

Like someone else said, Jude you must tell your dad what your going through and what you want him to do! If he doesn't know NOT to do it then he will do it. He is proud of his child which shows he is a great father. I'm sure he will be proud of you no matter what, boy or girl. Sitting him down and telling him is the only solution here. If he continued afterward then don't go out with him or ignore him when he acts like that.

[tvc15]

Yeah... your dad sounds pretty cool to me. You can't blame him for what he does if you're not even out to him. He can't read your mind. Some parents lay it on thick with the gendered language, but he seems like he's proud of you, and loves you a lot. Reserve your harsh judgment of him until you actually come out to him and see if the way he treats you changes at all, for better or worse.

[JohnAlex]

I don't mean to be an ass, because I do know exactly what that's like.  But just IMO, I don't think you have a right to complain about how it makes you feel if you don't come out to your dad.  Sure, your mom probably told him.  but he's probably pretending/acting like he doesn't know because YOU haven't told him yourself.

I understand how it makes you feel, I do.  And I know that you are going to feel that way, nothing you can do.  but just know that it's not his fault either if you haven't come out to him yet.

[Jude]

though i have not offically come out to him, i've told him about 100000 times NOT to call me by my full name and use the unisex one that everyone else in the whole world uses except him. AND  whenever he says stupid ->-bleeped-<- like "my pretty little princess" or madam" i tell him not to say things like that. everytime. i tell him i dont like being referred to that way and never to do so. so though i understand what you're all saying about i should come out to him so he can understand and whatnot, this is just him being generally disrespectful and not listening to me and what ive told him to do my whole life.

[Jude]

How long have you been out?  Are you/have you started to physically transition?  How far along are you? Have you legally changed your name/gender/IDs?  Have you asked him to respect these changes and address you accordingly?

is that it's awfully easy to go along with this new "my kid is now a boy thing" when you begin to look the part.  I used to basically cross dress since high school and so my parents saw no different.  After having moved away, I came back to visit with a deep voice, a beard, surgery done, legal stuff done, etc and everyone was 100% compliant.

ive basically been crossdressing my whole life. there was only a short two year period where i looked remotely like a girl. i can't wait until i have a deep voice and beard, im positive that whenever that happens people will stop calling me she

[Jude]

one more thing to add. my brother's name is nicholas. for his whole childhood everyone called him nicky. when he was around ten or eleven he demanded not to be called nicky any more because "it's a girl's name" and only to be called nick or nicholas. he's thirteen now and no one calls him nicky anymore.... ive been making my demand for far longer than my brother and he still doesn't respect it

[Mister]

one more thing to add. my brother's name is nicholas. for his whole childhood everyone called him nicky. when he was around ten or eleven he demanded not to be called nicky any more because "it's a girl's name" and only to be called nick or nicholas. he's thirteen now and no one calls him nicky anymore.... ive been making my demand for far longer than my brother and he still doesn't respect it

So give them an actual reason why instead of "Meh, me no likey!"

Chances are your father isn't a psychic-- you can't penalize him for not being able to read your mind.

[JohnAlex]

though i have not offically come out to him, i've told him about 100000 times NOT to call me by my full name and use the unisex one that everyone else in the whole world uses except him. AND  whenever he says stupid ->-bleeped-<- like "my pretty little princess" or madam" i tell him not to say things like that. everytime. i tell him i dont like being referred to that way and never to do so. so though i understand what you're all saying about i should come out to him so he can understand and whatnot, this is just him being generally disrespectful and not listening to me and what ive told him to do my whole life.

I agree, that about sounds like it.   But I still think there's a chance that he might be better about it if you came out to him, told him the real reason why you don't want to be called that.  Like say, "Um, I'm a guy. not a princess."
I could be wrong, but I think he's trying desperately to live in denial.  And by coming out to him and throwing it in his face all the time with sentences like that, I think it could force him out of denial.  hopefully, anyway.

Good luck!

[Mister]

this is just him being generally disrespectful and not listening to me and what ive told him to do my whole life.

Have you considered that many fathers consistently tease/poke fun at their kids as a sign of affection?  He might be being a douche on purpose, no one really knows.  But before you vilify the guy you ought to give him a chance to be both reasonable AND fully informed. 

[Jude]

So give them an actual reason why instead of "Meh, me no likey!"

me no likey was good enough for my brother

[Jude]

I agree, that about sounds like it.   But I still think there's a chance that he might be better about it if you came out to him, told him the real reason why you don't want to be called that.  Like say, "Um, I'm a guy. not a princess."
I could be wrong, but I think he's trying desperately to live in denial.  And by coming out to him and throwing it in his face all the time with sentences like that, I think it could force him out of denial.  hopefully, anyway.

Good luck!

that's a good point, i never thought about the denial thing.

all you guys are right i need to come out to him. im still mad tho

[Jude]

Have you considered that many fathers consistently tease/poke fun at their kids as a sign of affection?  He might be being a douche on purpose, no one really knows.  But before you vilify the guy you ought to give him a chance to be both reasonable AND fully informed.

ya my dad is the kind of guy who likes to get people all riled up on purpose for his own amusement. i ->-bleeped-<-ing hate that about him