I really identify as MtF TS but considering my familial situation, I guess I am just a closeted CD who, a week before Christmas accidentally left the days intimates out on the bed for the wife to find...She wasn't happy. I outed to her 5 years ago and she wasn't happy about it then either so I purged, cut off two feet of hair in 6 months and tried to make Lana go away. Worked for a little while. So now, as Elton John sings, "The B**** is back" and this time she is stronger than ever. However, we have a 2 year old daughter to contend with now. She means the world to me and if it weren't for her, I would be pursuing a more feminine lifestyle. But I digress. I was really distraught about being found out because I was worried about being tossed out even though I was in the middle of preparing an OUT letter, now I wasn't in control. I decided on the 26th that I was going to be ME this week irregardless of the two week headache I've had and on Tuesday I did the eyebrows with a headache. The wife hates it that I tweeze my eyebrows even though I don't do them feminine. Then I decided that I was going to dress up the next day, makeup and all. What I DIDN'T plan on doing was going out in public. That came after I was done putting on my face; I am glad I did. From my diary:
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
I went out of the house about five years ago but just to the dumpster at my apartment complex but I went out in public today for the first time. My daughter's grandma came and got her and my wife was working so as soon as they were out of the driveway, I jumped in the shower and shaved from the waist up, excluding my arms which need trimmed down and bleached. It was as if I was just a girl getting ready to go out. Makeup (experimenting with a blue palette, three tones), jeans, a topaz blue polo with the collar turned up, padded bra with a pair of my socks in each cup making me at least a full C, black stockings and my black heels which make me 6' 4" tall. Oh, and a pair of silver chain dangly earrings. I parted my hair to one side when it's usually down the middle with no effort so it was heavy to one side and kinda laid on my forehead a little and topped it off with my thin black rimmed, narrow rounded rectangle reading glasses (need to wear them a little more now). I walked in at McDonald's to order, my voice isn't convincing so I just spoke softer. After that I went to the thrift store where I have bought all my femme outerwear since arriving in NC. I hung out there for about 2 hours helped out by assisting in dressing mannequins and helping customers out to their cars. I know I was read but it didn't bother me. Just a bunch of women and a couple men in and out of the store; no hostility. But I'm 6' 1" and 195 lbs, I'm a big girl and can probably hold off two idiots long enough in public to draw attention to the situation. After taxes I plan on getting my conceal/carry permit to help in my criminal justice career search anyway so after that, even though I don't see being in a situation where that might be to my advantage, I will have a .40 Caliber Glock and I believe I could use it if the situation called for it.
Anyway, I got home and got my femme clothes off and put away and was washing off my face when I heard a car door. My mother in law and her sister were back with my daughter, unannounced. I really did LOL. And here, no one knocks when they come to visit...they just walk in. They thought I was just getting out of the shower, I told them I just finished shaving... CLOSE. It was a wonderful day.
