Telling our children...

[GypsySoul]

I might be a bit ahead of myself here since we are just now at the stage of starting therapy but I want to have some time to mull this over. Have any of you gone through this with children? If so how do you explain this transition to them? We have a one year old son and a five year old daughter who is very smart. We arent so worried about our son since he is so young he likely wont remember Daddy being "Daddy" (We have agreed not to change my wives title to Mommy). 

  But I am concerned about my daughter. She likes the idea of Daddy wearing a dress (This came about well before I knew of her desire to transition... Tea Parties.. ) and wants him to put pink streaks in his hair, so I dont think she is going to "Freak-out", plus shes only five so again not sure how much of this she will understand.....  BUT, how do we explain this to her?  Any advice?

Gypsy.

[Jeneva]

Well we did tell our children around 6 months ago, but our are a bit older.  Our son is almost 12.  He keeps reminding us in the mornings how many days he has left before his birthday.  Our daughter is going to be 8 in April.

They were both starting to get really suspicious, but when it was finally time We just told them that I had always felt like a girl inside and was going to be changing to match.  We did stress that it wasn't because I hated boys or that we expected our son to be the same, because it was an individual thing (based on my therapist's advice).  We've always told them we would love them no matter and tried to teach them acceptance and evidentially it payed off.

At 5 I wonder if that is all you will have to do?  You don't need to get all technical with them, just explain that it will be the same person only happier.  I understand that Mommy is a hard earned title and didn't want to take it either, but eventually I suspect they will find something besides Daddy because it will much of a visual disconnect for them.  I'm J-Mom and now our youngest corrects anyone if they say Dad.

Don't worry you are not going to scar your children for life  .  There are TONS of things that are worse than this.  My therapist met with ours (privately without Shannon or I) the other day and it was a short visit because they basically told her they didn't need to talk to her because there wasn't anything wrong.  Our son has been great at picking out good people for friends.  ALL of his friends have accepted what they were told without a blink and are still good friends.  Actually all but one of his friend's parents are also friends to us, so they knew already and have been very supportive too.

[Dragonfly]

GyspySoul,

I agonized over telling our kids for almost three years.  I worried for nothing. (I tend to do stuff like that.) I wish we had told them sooner because they both did so well when we told them.  Neither one seemed surprised.  We have been very fortunate in that department. 

One thing that has been commonly asked is, "What about the kids?"  It is almost like people want us to say they are miserable and being picked on.  I can just sense it when they ask that.  There is almost an air of disappointment when I tell people how well they are doing.  Brace yourself for stuff like that. 

I just thought of something.  If you are still keeping things under wraps, should you wait a while to tell your daughter just in case she lets something slip accidentally?  I'm not trying to discourage you from telling her, but I am a teacher and have heard many interesting stories from children about stuff that probably shouldn't be shared.

Hang in there!

Shannon

[Jeneva]

Thank you both! I am very glad to hear that your kids are doing well with this. I honestly dont think they will have a problem themselves. My bigger concern is other children, we live in a very small town where everyone seems to have one of 4 last names (ours isnt included) And prejudices are passed down through the children. Depending on how things go we may be looking at a relocation when I finish school... We shall see.

Actually you may want to be glad you AREN'T one of those four names (or from a family that THINKS it is one of the "five" names).  Those types of families often turn into cults and are very hard to break away from.  Protecting the "name" often becomes more important than the individuals.  I was shunned long before I actually came out, just because I had my own opinions and wouldn't back down and tow the party line.

Good luck with school and I hope that therapy gives you both good resources to make it through this.  As long as you both want to make it you can.