So... what is the big deal if people like you because you are "trans"?

[MsDazzler]

Perhaps I did have you figured wrong, and I apologize.  Your views are valid and understandable, no doubt.  But I suppose it's for neither of us to say really, as it's a feeling reserved for those who have finished transitioning; but my assumption is that perhaps in time, living as a woman full-time, no longer transitioning and having nearly completely suppressed all things male, being trans sort of fades to the subconscious and being a woman becomes the more conscious self-identification.  I only say this because I've heard others say that they "forgot" they were trans.  Though that's certainly a bit of an exaggeration I feel, the relative point remains.

Nonetheless, I find you to be a remarkable person for your outlook and logic.  It is admirable.

Thank you

... yes, I ve heard of such things that people forgetting that they were trans once they had completed SRS and whatnot until something reminds them like running into an old acquintance, a letter arriving with the previous male name, etc and they get a harsh jolt of reality and it is back to Earth for few days.

Even if I get SRS, I don't want to go through that - going on around my life pretending/forgetting it is all over and I don't have to deal with it ever again then get a harsh jolt back to Earth. Impossible. lol. You will always get a reminder again and again throughout your life of your trans status, even post-op.

It is nice to think of SRS as a fairy tale ending and happily-ever-after and that "trans" can be eliminated from our lives and subconsciousness forever, but it is a heavy cross we will have hanging around our necks and bear til our deaths. We may hide them underneath our blouses but they are still there.

[Assoluta]

oh please, have you ever heard of the white guy/asian chick phenomenon (in America, that is)?? I am an Asian chick and I have an overwhelming lust and attraction for white guys and I would go out with someone who was average and white rather than a guy who was hot and black just because he was white.

I too would prefer an average looking asian dude to a hot white guy, but it wouldn't be just because he was Asian. Sure, he might initially pique my interest and I might go out with him a couple of times if he looked nice, but I doubt it would go beyond that if there was nothing more to it than that - and this is my truth.

[Assoluta]

Thank you

... yes, I ve heard of such things that people forgetting that they were trans once they had completed SRS and whatnot until something reminds them like running into an old acquintance, a letter arriving with the previous male name, etc and they get a harsh jolt of reality and it is back to Earth for few days.

Even if I get SRS, I don't want to go through that - going on around my life pretending/forgetting it is all over and I don't have to deal with it ever again then get a harsh jolt back to Earth. Impossible. lol. You will always get a reminder again and again throughout your life of your trans status, even post-op.

It is nice to think of SRS as a fairy tale ending and happily-ever-after and that "trans" can be eliminated from our lives and subconsciousness forever, but it is a heavy cross we will have hanging around our necks and bear til our deaths. We may hide them underneath our blouses but they are still there.

I agree that ignoring our pasts is doing ourselves a great disservice, but it doesn't have to be a "heavy cross" around my neck. I am me, I don't need to let being trans dominate my life, it is simply part of my history. I don't need to hide it - I just go about my life being me and if it is somehow revealed or it slips out, then fine, it doesn't change anything, or at least it shouldn't in meaningful friendships and relationships. I used to see being trans as a 'secret' particularly when I was pre-op, but after so long, I feel so normalised to the whole matter and I feel that there is no longer a past to hide, I am just me who happens to have a certain past.

[0451]

I think what trans girls find so upsetting is that ->-bleeped-<-s fetishize them as "girls with dicks."  Dicks of course being something that causes many trans girls a great deal of dysphoria.  It's this idea of being seen as more desirable because you have male parts.  Not because of who you are as a person, or because of the attributes you find important.

[EmmaM]

They can like me for being trans, most of the time I like them for not being hideous looking.

[wheat thins are delicious]

ESL? Don't you mean ASL, as in American Sign Language? 

There are actually way more types of sign language than just ASL.  Not everyone is American and it's only called that because that particular type of sign language formed in America and is actually a combination of different sign systems, one of which is French. But ESL actually stands for English as a Second Language and doesn't have anything to do with sign language.  I'm assuming what envie means is actually something called SEE (signed exact english) that is a method of signing using straight up words, one sign for every word and special signs to add endings to words.  ASL is more a language of it's own with it's own grammar and syntax.  OT but it's pretty interesting.

[fionabell]

It's better than being liked because you are an amputee. That i would not like

[Devlyn]

A little off topic, but I would prefer to have a ->-bleeped-<- on the site who is polite and follows the rules over a transgender person who isn't polite and doesn't follow the rules. JMO, hugs, Devlyn

[fionabell]

A little off topic, but I would prefer to have a ->-bleeped-<- on the site who is polite and follows the rules over a transgender person who isn't polite and doesn't follow the rules. JMO, hugs, Devlyn

I think that having ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s and men in here would make the site far more dynamic. There could be parts where they can enter and parts they can't.  It should be a rule though that this is not to be used as a pick up site. The input of non-trans people would create a more rounded interaction.

[envie]

There are actually way more types of sign language than just ASL.  Not everyone is American and it's only called that because that particular type of sign language formed in America and is actually a combination of different sign systems, one of which is French. But ESL actually stands for English as a Second Language and doesn't have anything to do with sign language.  I'm assuming what envie means is actually something called SEE (signed exact english) that is a method of signing using straight up words, one sign for every word and special signs to add endings to words.  ASL is more a language of it's own with it's own grammar and syntax.  OT but it's pretty interesting.

I meant to say ASL but I typed it wrong. Thanks for sharing the SEE with us, I wasn't aware of it as a short cut although I knew that this is another way of signing.

[MsDazzler]

There are actually way more types of sign language than just ASL.  Not everyone is American and it's only called that because that particular type of sign language formed in America and is actually a combination of different sign systems, one of which is French. But ESL actually stands for English as a Second Language and doesn't have anything to do with sign language.  I'm assum- ing what envie means is actually something called SEE (signed exact english) that is a method of signing using straight up words, one sign for every word and special signs to add endings to words.  ASL is more a language of it's own with it's own grammar and syntax.  OT but it's pretty interesting.

I knew that already, having grown up in a deaf community, but thanks for educating others.

One minor correction - ASL is not just more a language- it is a language. 

[xXRebeccaXx]

This question has bugged me after reading various posts about scorning ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s and the defensive statements such as "I prefer it if people like me for being me, not for being trans" or "I wouldn't date someone because h/she liked me for being trans", etc...

To me, that presents a fundamental paradox and illogical reasoning -

1) Paradox being - "I prefer it if people like me for being me, not for being trans". You are trans, like it or not, and it is a fundamental part of who you are. You can't separate "me" and "trans" as two mutually exclusive qualities.

It is akin to saying - "I prefer it if people like me for being me, not for being black" You cannot avoid being black just as you cannot avoid being trans in people's eyes.

2) Illogical reasoning - being trans is much just a physical part of you as being Asian or having curly hair. I ve got many many men who were attracted to me because I am Asian or fell in love with my curly hair. It is a part of attraction package. I cannot tell someone, "No, you cant date me because you told me you like Asians".

I honestly dont see what the big fuss is all about . IMHO, we should be grateful that we even have people interested in us, even if it is because of our trans statuses.

a lot of ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s dont want a relationship with a transwoman, they want to use us for sex and dump us if we even think about srs.

[heatherrose]

....what is the big deal if people like you because you are "trans


It depends on what you are looking for. If you're into being someones blow up doll "with something extra",
for three minutes, after which, having their "bi-curiousity" and primal urges sated, they treat you like a loaded diaper
and quickly excuse themselves to wallow in their own self loathing, then knock yourself out.

As for myself, for four decades I struggled with being born with the wrong primary sexual characteristics.
At the age of seven, I did not sob across kitchen table from my Mama ,"I should have been born a ->-bleeped-<-".
The last thing that I want, is to be reminded by a suitor that I was born with a penis.

[Amalina]

I've been thinking about this topic sort of. I'm hoping I can express my thoughts without offending anyone or coming off sounding horrible.

I'm very conflicted on if I want to attempt transition or just try to cope with it and stay "normal". One of the things that has crossed my mind is that if I end up sticking with being outwardly a straight male like everyone expects of me, then with my new knowledge of transwomen how my views have changed on dating them.

Here is the part I hope doesn't sound off. In a way I would almost prefer it now, but not for any sexual reason, honestly that would be something I'd probably still have to get past due to how I was raised and all. And it's not out of pity or anything though it may come off as such. To me though with everything I've seen and how much transwomen have to go through in relationships, I just feel that they might appreciate the nice things a guy does for them whereas my experience with (i hope i get this right) ciswomen, has shown most even nice ones take nice things for granted because usually they expect you to do it like it's your job or something.

I just think that a transwoman would be far more real with a guy that respects them and would see him for what he is, instead of what they expect out of him. I hope I explained it right, like I said it's just something I've thought of while debating all of my feelings on all this. I would just hate to be seen as a "->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-" or anything like that, though it seems as I learn more about terms that it is a bit different than what I first thought the term meant.

Again sorry if this sounded bad, I worry too much about that I know. Just wanted to give my thoughts on the topic.

[Kelly J. P.]

 The big deal about someone liking me for being trans is pretty simple.

It might imply a couple of different things... for example, a guy might find the idea that I might have a penis to be hot. This is an assumption - when I start looking for romance, I won't have a penis, so a guy that's attracted to me for being trans would be attracted to me for something that I actually don't have.

Or perhaps he finds my past erotic. Maybe he likes the idea of sleeping with an "ex-man". This makes me uncomfortable; I don't want that part of me to play a huge role in my relations with other people. It's a great part of me that helped make me who I am, but to find the quality of being an "ex-man" sexy seems unsettling or creepy to me on a mere emotional level.

Often, ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-s see trans women as objects. I'm not an object, and would never settle to be in a relationship where I was.

I don't mind some aspects of liking my trans history though. If a man finds me more attractive because of my ability to handle difficult circumstances well, then that's great. If he likes me because being trans provides me with more insight than most people have, then that's wonderful.

I don't want my trans quality to be linked to sex - if being trans is attractive, I would want it to be so in a positive, empowering way.

[Mahsa Tezani]

....what is the big deal if people like you because you are "trans


It depends on what you are looking for. If you're into being someones blow up doll "with something extra",
for three minutes, after which, having their "bi-curiousity" and primal urges sated, they treat you like a loaded diaper
and quickly excuse themselves to wallow in their own self loathing, then knock yourself out.

As for myself, for four decades I struggled with being born with the wrong primary sexual characteristics.
At the age of seven, I did not sob across kitchen table from my Mama ,"I should have been born a ->-bleeped-<-".
The last thing that I want, is to be reminded by a suitor that I was born with a penis.

It has nothing to do with genitals. Many different factors influence a mans decision to stay with a transgender women and often times, her genital status means nothing.

I think its more of the fact that you were socialized/presenting as a male growing up. That is really what freaks a lot of men out. Sure, I get a ton of dates... But how many men will like me after the "big" reveal? Men want to be seen in public with me, etc. I can't deny that I played up the "flaming campy gay" stereotype once in my life and it's ironic that the men who called me a "->-bleeped-<-got" before, now fawn over me.

But it takes an open minded straight men to be with a transgender woman in a long term relationship. But i don't care either way...I like my men gay and bi. I don't expect straight people to accommodate me into their society. I think it's because I partially realize I am still a gay male...just the appearance has changed and nothing can magically erase my past, even if I started hormones at 11. LOL

But it feels great to be accepted. But even I am skeptical.

[Hannah]

The big deal about someone liking me for being trans is pretty simple.

It might imply a couple of different things... for example, a guy might find the idea that I might have a penis to be hot. This is an assumption - when I start looking for romance, I won't have a penis, so a guy that's attracted to me for being trans would be attracted to me for something that I actually don't have.

Or perhaps he finds my past erotic. Maybe he likes the idea of sleeping with an "ex-man". This makes me uncomfortable; I don't want that part of me to play a huge role in my relations with other people. It's a great part of me that helped make me who I am, but to find the quality of being an "ex-man" sexy seems unsettling or creepy to me on a mere emotional level.

Often, ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-s see trans women as objects. I'm not an object, and would never settle to be in a relationship where I was.

I don't mind some aspects of liking my trans history though. If a man finds me more attractive because of my ability to handle difficult circumstances well, then that's great. If he likes me because being trans provides me with more insight than most people have, then that's wonderful.

I don't want my trans quality to be linked to sex - if being trans is attractive, I would want it to be so in a positive, empowering way.

You pretty much summed up every guy I've ever met who knew I was trans and was into me.

The only guys I would date would have to be openly bisexual. I couldn't take the whole "I'm straight but I like penis as long as it's on a girl" thing that ->-bleeped-<-s have going on. It just seems like they're in denial (let's be serious, they are). It sucks because I get along so well with guys, I just can't seem to find any worth dating. 

[Emi]

WEll,  i like the penis if come whit a girl ..i like the vagina if come whit a girl too...  but i truly know that i dont like  men...i try by whit  some and ..nop.. is not  mine thing...i just  feel so much disgusting that shape...and that way to move...and his face hair.... :/

But...usually i just say "i am bisexual" to avoid all the "deep  analisys about what mean  be a woman"

But..i will give you a tip...some men would love to be  topped by a cisg woman... but that is so..so hard to got...so..is not so strange that they end   wanting be whit a ->-bleeped-<-.

The othe r  reason, the "ex- man"  role ... well, yes, that can be hard to manage... sometimes i use that as a erotic resource  while had sex whit my girl friend...but other times i just mentalice what i am and she is  jsut  woman...whitout penises xD. But in the day to day relation, she is only  a woman for me, when we are  i  a date, or having time whit friends or whit my family..goind  to see a movie at the cinema..or anithing else...we are only  girls and...well...man/ andro /woman / whatever i am .
You must   see if that "role erotic game" is only part of a sex game and  the relation is not affected..or if the man only want to   release her laod whit that game and after that spit you in the face  or  hide under a stone if see you in the street.



This must be one of my more male mode phothos in this last year.. *sighs* but well,  the point is show my GF     

[Lily]

I couldn't take the whole "I'm straight but I like penis as long as it's on a girl" thing that ->-bleeped-<-s have going on. It just seems like they're in denial (let's be serious, they are).

What am I in denial about?

[Mahsa Tezani]

You pretty much summed up every guy I've ever met who knew I was trans and was into me.

The only guys I would date would have to be openly bisexual. I couldn't take the whole "I'm straight but I like penis as long as it's on a girl" thing that ->-bleeped-<-s have going on. It just seems like they're in denial (let's be serious, they are). It sucks because I get along so well with guys, I just can't seem to find any worth dating. 

I mean I think the guys are straight to a certain degree especially if they "didn't know she was trans" LOL. My b/f loves to play with my penis anyways...he's about as straight as they cum. LOL

But if I have sex with some lezbian...doesn't that make me a lez? Hell no.