I knew I was different. I knew I didn't fit in. In Kindergarden, I couldn't cut circles. My only friend and I would make explodey things and light them on fire in front of his house. We got pretty good at it and created some pretty big explosions. While girls had the role models of the Spice Girls and Britney Spears, I looked up to Ahnold and Harrison Ford. I remember praying to God every night to wake up as a boy. But every morning, I woke to the same disappointment.
When I began my female puberty, began noticing my body transforming into something I did not want, I was freaked. And when I started my first period at 11, I gave up praying to God. In the recesses of my mind, though, the feelings still lingered. In public I would try to fit in, try to act female. But I could never really do it. It didn't feel right. It was a masquerade, a facade - I was the actor in the play of my life.
By the end of 7th grade, it hurt to much to play it up. I could never really do it, anyway. None of the girls played video games in my class, and video games have always been my life. My Nintendo 64 saved my life during Middle School. Escapism was and still is a wonderful thing. In middle school, I was really into the Legend of Zelda series (Still am, but that's not the point). I wished so bad I was in that world. That I was Link. I wanted to save the world. Mean something to the world.
Most of my life, I was in private school. I had to wear dresses a lot of the time. Elementry school daily, and every Wednesday in Middle school (Different schools, different rules). Life got better as I got into highschool. I found a much easier time in Highschool. I found people who I could relate to. I began having friends and a good time. I came out to my closest friends in Sophomore year. They accepted it for the most part, a few not so much, but even then we're still friends... but through a hidden keylogger on the computer, my parents found out...
My parents were very against it. They told me how I was sinning against God. They asked me if God could make a mistake, and the obvious answer is no, so that means that I am fine the way I am. That I am perfect because he never makes a mistake. My Mom told me how she prayed every day for a girl from the day she wanted a Child, and that I was her blessing from God. Her perfect blessing. My father asked me if I was lesbian, because then he could understand it, because then he thinks I was trying to make myself "straight". Fact is, I am sexually attracted to men. He couldn't understand this. Couldn't grasp it. Now, they try to ignore it, make rude and targetted comments at times... And whenever I need new clothes (and I hate shopping as it is...) they try to force me to wear girly clothes. They love to mention how I'm 'female'...
My closest friends are amazing. One of them gave me his old boxers (so happy :0), even. They really accept me for who I am, and it's great. It's wonderful to have support from someone in real life. When I turn 18, I am not sure exactly what's gonna happen... And I'm scared. I want to transition so bad... I'm male, and I want to be able to have the parts to live a life that would make me happy.
Anyway, some things about me:
Some of my hobbies and interests are:
- Drawing - I am an artist. Drawing is fun. Normally draw humans and anthros.
- Programming - I also enjoy programming. I know VB, C++,
ASP.NET, HTML, CSS, and probably some other stuff that isn't coming to mind right now.
- Writing - I guess I would consider myself to be a decent writer. I have a firm grasp on the english language and know how to articulate sentences into flowing rivers of beauty... Or something. I'm not much with poetry, but my prose is godly
- Movies - I dig movies. They rock. I love Jurassic Park and is one of my favorites actually.
- Anime/Manga - There isn't much I like, but when I like it, I LOVE it. FLCL is the ->-bleeped-<-.
- Videogames - I live for videogames. FPS, RPG, RTS, Classic Platformers and Action/Puzzle games(Think Legend of Zelda for this) are my favorite genres.
I'm a senior in High School and I plan on getting a degree in Computer Science in College-land.
I work part-time at a lasertag place. It's fun and I make about $400 a month. Hurrah.
I dunno what else to say. Any questions?
