Hi WW,
And welcome to the best family on the Net. I was here many years ago. "Fell off the table" so to speak, and am back once again, simply because there is no better place. This time around I have a balanced social life, but the empathy, compassion, experience and support from Susan's family is second to none.
I truly understand how you feel. You are, as you have corrected identified, a straight guy. Nothing more, nothing less.
I'm a carbon copy of you. I had an epiphany when I was 4 YO. I knew then, boys weren't supposed to play girl things. But what the heck, playing 'house' 'dress ups and dolls' was 1000 times better than cowboys and indians. Even at 4, it felt just so right.
You asked 3 questions
How did I deal with them? (Similar issues)
In a way, I nurtured them. As a young boy I asked questions and observed other boys behaviours. I couldn't identify with the answers or the behaviour. Girls, on the other hand had all the answers. I could talk and relate to them much easier. This attitude pervaded to my mid 20's when all the girls got married and were gone. I persued GCS, only to find in the 80's, HRT was a big cancer risk. I then was side tracked with a family. They have grown and moved on, so must I. HRT has matured and much safer.
How did I become who I am now?
Essentially I never denied myself or these feelings of difference. They were established in the very beginning of consciousness. I don't remember much before that epiphany. That wasn't easy. Childhood was lonely as I was ostracised during my schooling years. Yet I didn't let that perturb me (much lol) I held onto these deep rooted feelings, as they were - me! As bulletin boards and the internet grew I realised I wasn't alone. I searched, inquired, experimented and developed my character to the point in my 30's I affirmed and validated my feminine persona, Catherine. From there she has developed, grown and matured into a gracious woman. (According to others). Soon (2014) she will ascend to her righteous place, completely.
What should you do?
Essentially follow your instincts. They are the one and only true essence of your being. It's who you are. Not what someone else wants you to be. If necessary, seek out a therapist who is conversant with TG issues. But in the long run, you will know the answers. You will know the time. Listen to yourself. At 25 you have all the answers. You now need the experience to grow and mature this fabulous male persona into who he truly is, and let him live the person who he is. You know him.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
