Coming out to professors

[DRAIN]

Hi! long time no see! i want to come out to professors this coming semester, only problem is a couple of them already know me as female and my classmates already know me as female. This is a fairly small department so i'll have the same professors and classmates for the next 2 years.

do you think i should come out via email to the professors i'll be dealing with most directly? do you think i should have a chat with my advisor (asistant department head) and see what she says, or just wait until i see her for registration to come out to her directly? what about classmates? i'm thinking just come out to those i consider friends and let the others follow the lead of the professor. thanks!

[caseyyy]

The approach that I've taken, and others on this site, with quite a bit of success is just to send the professors an email letting them know that you're transitioning, using male pronouns, and male name. I've done this with I'd say...seriously a good 20 professors at least and it's been simple, effective, painless. And then for classmates, I just announce it at the start of class. That's the most painful and awkward part, is the classmates.

[Inkwe Mupkins]

If I were you I'd just email my professors and generally the students will catch on or they'll question you about it and you can just state that your transitioning.

I've found that when the teacher uses the appropriate pronouns the students do as well and vice versa when the teacher uses incorrect pronouns and name the students do as well.

I have been out as trans for over 8 years and I've gone by Shaun for 2 years. This was my first year in college and it was close by and I hadn't changed my name yet legally, so I emailed my teachers and they were really good about it. I think it helps that I pass 120% of the time because none of the students suspected anything was wrong.

If you don't pass very well it might be a little harder getting people to use appropriate pronouns and such. If you manage to get everyone using appropriate pronouns and name it will feel so good. Going to college for me was the best thing being seen as 100% male and nothing less is so validating and it gave me an epic self-esteem boost. However it was awkward when talking about things bio-males do.  But I wish you the best of luck in your transition.

[Middle East Beast]

I was in the same situation last semester. I began to transition over the summer and by fall I was passing all the time. I waited until the first day of class when the professor took attendance. When she called my name I just said, "I go by X". It wasn't a big deal. Like you my major is very small so I have class with the same 20 people every semester. Everybody immediately called me by my chosen name and referred to me using male pronouns in the language I study.

A lot of people chose to email their professors before the first day of class. If you prefer that people don't know your birth name than do this. You don't have to tell your professor everything just let them know that you go by "X" and what pronouns you prefer.

I hope everything goes well for you.

[Cindy]

Hi

I've posted this before as well. I am an Academic Professor. We are pretty use to this sort of thing in many different forms. Sometimes it can be easier to make an appointment and have a quick chat with your teachers before the term starts, rather than an email. I really don't know most of my students names so an email isn't a lot of use. But if someone meets me I'll remember them and look out for them.
As you can guess I'm very easy to get along with in such matters.

Good Luck.

Cindy

[Mr.Rainey]

I spoke with my adviser about this recently. She said that it would be okay to have a meeting with me and my teacher. My teacher is a shop teacher so I am fairly sure he will be okay with it. Men tend to be glad to accept me. (Just a random observation) I was passing till he saw my name on the roster. The class is all guys so he calls me male pronouns by accident sometimes so maybe he already knows. He seems like a cool dude so hopefully this will go smoothly.

My plan is to meet up with him, and my adviser and tell him straight up. I am just going to tell him I am transgendered and I identify as a male and prefer male pronouns and I am just like the other guys. He should be okay with that since he has more important things to worry about than to judge one person for their pronoun preferences.

The trick when coming out I have noticed is to be direct and polite. I'll tell you guys how it goes, we are due to meet this week.

[Cindy]

All good points Mister Rainey.

Students tend to forget that they are not the only one. I have heaps of students  with heaps of problems, every one is different. Everyone is important. All of the problems are #1. We work through them. Be patient, be proactive but not to annoying levels. and Oh, You are not the only kid with a problem. Sometimes we have to prioritise.

I'm Sue/John and wants to be called John/Sue is very important. Terminating another Sue's pregnancy or getting John off heroin may loom higher in the list of life. Sorry but that is what we deal with.

[Jeh]

When I started transitioning, I came out to all my teachers in person. Like you, I was in a small program, where I will likely have the same teachers and will be with the same classmates. I just asked to see them during their office hours, and would go and talk to them. Usually it was just a brief, "Hey, I would like to go by a different name because I'm transgender and am starting transition." And they were all fine with it.

I still have to come out to new teachers, because I've been on testosterone for a while and pass as male, but I'm in the middle of trying to get my name legally changed, so I still legally have to go by my female name on official university documents. Just a few days ago, I started a class and the teacher was calling the roll and when he got to my female name and I indicated it was me, he was confused and thought I was the guy on the roll before me, who was absent. I had to explain to him after class that I would prefer he not call my female name on the roll and to instead call me my male name.

As for classmates, I asked the teachers to change my name halfway through our first year together, but didn't really tell any of my classmates what was going on. I let them figure it out themselves. Anyone who was still confused probably figured it out when I came back last September after starting T just as school was ending last April, and I was passing as male. My classmates were great, they call me my male name, and say 'hey man', and stuff. If anyone has a problem with it, they just avoid me and that's fine.

[tekla]

We work through them.

I'd call anyone what they wanted to be called, but if the problem was not academic or dealing with academic issues I'd send them to Student Health on the basis that since the paid and trained councilors there were not teaching history and government courses I shouldn't interfere with their job either.

[DRAIN]

I should have mentioned that I don't pass 100% yet but I have had my name changed and go by an  androgynous nickname. This would just be an email asking them to use male pronouns.

[Middle East Beast]

If you're androgynous it'll probably be beneficial to notify your professor of your preferred pronouns. If people hear your professor referring to you using male pronouns they'll be more likely to pick up on that.

[tekla]

If people hear your professor referring to you using male pronouns they'll be more likely to pick up on that.

I agree with that.

[Guantanamera]

I can understand your trepidation about coming out to a fairly small group of people that you'll have to deal with in a professional setting for the next couple of years. I attend a small liberal arts college in Salt Lake with ~3,000 students, so realistically I've seen each person on campus any number of times. Besides, my department is tiny. There are only 4 History faculty, and 6 majors, so I know everyone else on a first name basis.

From my experience, coming out was one of the most liberating things that I've done. Because everyone knows each other, even people who weren't in a class with me that semester starting addressing me by the correct pronouns/name even though I'm nowhere near passing.

By the by, as other people have said email might not be the best decision. Not only are professors swamped with email, you'll have no way to gauge how they will react. Talking in person ensures that they get the message, connect it with a name and remember. Besides, you can always hedge into the topic if you're afraid that the professor is an ass-backward conservative. (Not likely, but I'm sure it has happened before.)

[Cindy]

We work through them.

I'd call anyone what they wanted to be called, but if the problem was not academic or dealing with academic issues I'd send them to Student Health on the basis that since the paid and trained councilors there were not teaching history and government courses I shouldn't interfere with their job either.

I agree but we are often the point of first contact, I would then advise a student, or staff member, to the service that would be best for them. Remember that often a student has a lot a faith and trust in a Prof who they have known for a term or so and will seek us out over many different issues. I would never throw a student to the wolves by saying, not my problem try some one else. What I would do is make a phone call to an appropriate person and make an appointment for the student to see someone, it can be very comforting for a person, particularly a young person to know that someone can look out for them.

Hey I've even phoned bank managers and made appointments for them to see a student  about debt problems. Sometimes young people have not learned the ropes. As a teacher I believe it is my responsibility to protect and aid my students.

[tekla]

Oh I tried not to throw them to the wolves, but I did try to keep a proper relationship and teachers are not councilors.  I'd be happy (well, not happy, but I'd do it in good spirits) to listen to them tell their story or about their big issue/thing, knowing that I was the first neutral 'adult' they could really do that with.  And it was pretty trippy as most of these kids came from very small towns if not farms and were now in dorms that were on an order of magnitude greater than all the people they knew growing up.  And that whole college/big city (it wasn't it, but it was to them) anonymity, as opposed to how they grew up where everyone knew everything about everybody's else business.  And now they were just almost exploding to tell someone, and I was good with that.

But real problems needed trained professionals, I'm down with that in most things (its' why I always tell people to get lawyers too), there are methods that work and I have no idea what they are and if something important is on the line then you really should know the right methods.

[Sarah Louise]

Lets try to bring the discussion back to Drain and their original question.

I understand the discussion of student issues in general, but that doesn't help Drain.

Maybe a new thread about how teachers handle student issues would be warranted.  I know my wife (as assitant to the Dean) has had to deal with the gender problem as well as other student issues.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Hi! long time no see! i want to come out to professors this coming semester, only problem is a couple of them already know me as female and my classmates already know me as female. This is a fairly small department so i'll have the same professors and classmates for the next 2 years.

do you think i should come out via email to the professors i'll be dealing with most directly? do you think i should have a chat with my advisor (asistant department head) and see what she says, or just wait until i see her for registration to come out to her directly? what about classmates? i'm thinking just come out to those i consider friends and let the others follow the lead of the professor. thanks!

I would email the professors, keep it short and sweet, those that know you say something like "I know that in the past I went by female pronouns but now I go by male pronouns and the name, NAME."  The others I wouldn't say anything unless they know you.  Rosters don't show male/female that I know of so if your name is typically male they will call you male pronouns.  If they call you female ones just gently correct them.  Classmates, I would email my friends and tell them, the rest I would let follow the professors lead, correct as needed.

[Guantanamera]

I would email the professors, keep it short and sweet, those that know you say something like "I know that in the past I went by female pronouns but now I go by male pronouns and the name, NAME."  The others I wouldn't say anything unless they know you.  Rosters don't show male/female that I know of so if your name is typically male they will call you male pronouns.  If they call you female ones just gently correct them.  Classmates, I would email my friends and tell them, the rest I would let follow the professors lead, correct as needed.

I'm not sure of your experience in undergraduate study, but this definitely isn't the case in most classes.

I know for a fact that our school uses rosters with school photos on them to prevent people from cheating attendance. If that's the case at your school OP I would consider having your student id changed.

Aside from that, even in my larger classes (20+ students.) the professors interact with everyone on a first name basis. So I wouldn't anticipate that you would have a huge problem after you corrected them.

[Hayzer12]

I'm not sure of your experience in undergraduate study, but this definitely isn't the case in most classes.

I know for a fact that our school uses rosters with school photos on them to prevent people from cheating attendance. If that's the case at your school OP I would consider having your student id changed.

Aside from that, even in my larger classes (20+ students.) the professors interact with everyone on a first name basis. So I wouldn't anticipate that you would have a huge problem after you corrected them.

What university has a class list roster for the professors with your ID photo on them O_O

Mine doesnt. Its just a list of names and student ID numbers. We carry around student IDs to make sure no one is cheating and have to show them before turning in an exam in some cases. That, or any photo ID.

That being said that, if you have a very feminine name and wish to be stealth OP - then talk to your professors prior to class or within an email. I would do both, as some professors choose to not access their email.

[wheat thins are delicious]

That being said that, if you have a very feminine name and wish to be stealth OP - then talk to your professors prior to class or within an email. I would do both, as some professors choose to not access their email.

Didn't think about the fact that some don't access their email, which I hate cause email is my preferred communication method.