What if this is purely sexual and I just haven't noticed...?

[4A-GZE]

There's no denying that I love nearly all things feminine and I despise masculinity, but I do know that the most concrete evidence I have come across is just... I think I'd much prefer sex if I had a vagina than as I am now. I mean, most of you talk about how puberty was unbearable and you imagined yourself as fe/male before you even considered being transgendered, and... I just never did. Looking back, I don't remember much about my childhood except that I cried on a nearly constant basis because I was bullied both at school and at home, but I don't know why. From what I can tell, I never got along with boys as well as with girls. Still today, I much prefer girls as friends and I couldn't care less about befriending males no matter how nice they are. I do just vastly prefer feminine things and I always have, but I'm not 100% sure if that's why I want to be female or if I just think I'd get more sexual pleasure out of a lesbian relationship than a straight one..
Amidst my lost-to-ADHD past, I do remember one instance when I couldn't bench a ten-pound bar more than twice in eighth grade gym, and the only thing to go through my mind was "Why are they only laughing at me and not the other girls?" for no reason I knew at the time. I may have warped that memory over time, but I just thought of it now and decided to throw it in there.
By this point I'm just typing all of my thoughts as they come, so I'm sorry if there's no clear topic. I just want some of your views on my situation. I really want to find myself as early as possible...

[Lily]

I'm not 100% sure if that's why I want to be female or if I just think I'd get more sexual pleasure out of a lesbian relationship than a straight one..

Well for me, I'd get more pleasure from a lesbian relationship because I'm a woman, just like I'd get more pleasure out of everything being a woman.

Go with what your heart tells you is right.

Amidst my lost-to-ADHD past, I do remember one instance when I couldn't bench a ten-pound bar more than twice in eighth grade gym, and the only thing to go through my mind was "Why are they only laughing at me and not the other girls?" for no reason I knew at the time. I may have warped that memory over time, but I just thought of it now and decided to throw it in there.

I've had experiences like that too. I remember once in 4th grade I was just casually standing somewhere and a girl tells me "I've never seen a boy stand like that. That's how girls stand." I was never really sure what she meant by that, but it's always stuck with me.

It seems to me that I started out very feminine and then buried it because I hated the attention I'd get for it. I wasn't very feminine in high school at all, aside from some of the things I painted in art class which was my only outlet.

[4A-GZE]

That's interesting... I'm in an art class right now, and with the exception of one thing that I based on Banksy's stuff because I love him, all of my projects have been bright, girly colors and/or drawings of unicorns and whatnot. But, of course, I don't hide it elsewhere. My shoes are pink and my jacket pocket says "I love ponies" for example.

Your post is actually more reassuring than I expected. Thank you.

[eli77]

I hate pink. I've never worn a dress or heels. I have an ambivalent relationship with makeup. My hair is cut an inch below my ears. I have a tendency to wear men's button ups 'cause I think they look awesome. My best friend is a guy. My preferred colours are blue, green, purple, grey, black, and silver. I'd rather go naked than wear a shirt that says "I love ponies" (unless it was tastefully ironic). I'm totally looking forward to having sex post-bottom surgery. I was assigned male at birth. And yet I'm definitely female, just like it says on my driver's license.

And as to the past history stuff... it happened; it's gone. It is not a diagnostic tool. There is no process of evidence collection. The only reasonable questions are: do you see yourself as a woman/girl/female? Do you want to transition? And, like with anything, is it worth the cost?

But then, maybe you should ignore me. I'm kinda weird as far as trans girls go.

[4A-GZE]

I'm pretty sure I do want to, but I'm just worried that I'll regret it. How did you know for sure you were ready?

[kelly_aus]

I'm pretty sure I do want to, but I'm just worried that I'll regret it. How did you know for sure you were ready?

I knew I wanted to start my transition, but I was also worried whether I was making the right choice - after all, I'd never really made a good decision in my life before..

18 months later, I look back and wonder what I was worried about. And I also know that I could never go back to my old way of living..

[JulieC.]

And as to the past history stuff... it happened; it's gone. It is not a diagnostic tool. There is no process of evidence collection. The only reasonable questions are: do you see yourself as a woman/girl/female? Do you want to transition? And, like with anything, is it worth the cost?

Well said.

[4A-GZE]

Ah, thanks. I'll get going on it as soon as I can, which still gives me at least a year...

And as long as that's cleared up, I'm just curious about how I look. The next biggest worry for me is whether or not I will ever pass...
Here are several random pictures:




So, yeah, what do you think?