my skewed perception

[joey00]

hey guys: so I was leaving my dorm& this dude was holding the door open for me. I refused to walk through.
Yes, I know men hold the door for men, women and anything in between. I know women hold the door from men, women and anything in between. I know anyone with arms can hold the door for anyone who wants to pass BUT it bothered me.

I said "no.." he said he insisted and wouldn't move. So I had to pass. The girl he was w/started laughing so I said, "what the ->-bleeped-<-?!" and left. I hate that I get angry& look all roid rage status.

I'm still really angry. I know people sometimes are just being nice but this hit me the wrong way tonight.

If any of you had hang ups like I have w/the door holding thing, how did you get over it? I don't want to spaz like this..

[Anon]

The only time this bothers me is when it is someone who knows I'm trans, and is obviously doing it to make some sort of 'point' about how my ID says I am F...but the only one who does this is my brother. When it happens I just completely ignore him, walk past and don't say thank you, which angers him.

You didn't say whether you were passing or what stage of transition you're in so I can't really comment further your situation/what his reasoning may have been.
I'm guessing this guy was just trying to be polite though, in which case you overreacted quite a bit.
Guys and women hold doors open for me all the time, and I always pass - it's just common courtesy.

[joey00]

well it's a girl's dorm.
bit passed 1 month on t. I pass at work or when out and about.
he knew me as male up til tonight when i was leaving this dorm....sorta why I was so pissed over it.

[supremecatoverlord]

I always saw this as a way of being nice because I'd rather not get locked out of the building. I think you can usually tell when someone's trying to be "clever" anyway and would rather not make assumptions unless it seemed totally obvious. I think reacting the way you did might actually hurt you with passing in the long run...among other things. The better way to react (if this really does bother you) is to just say, "Thanks, but I got it, dude." Say it affirmingly, not like you're pissed or something.

[caleb91]

I too, am in the female's hall so I know how that feels.

[Kreuzfidel]

I hold the door for people all the time - I'd be pretty confused if someone wigged out and refused to walk through.  Not saying you had no right to be offended, but Jason's right.  Overreacting just draws attention to yourself and you're more likely to be scrutinised.  I would suggest just maybe not looking at people's gestures as being intended to insult you.  I used to get touchy about things like that, too.

[caseyyy]

It used to bug me, but then I realized I did it for everyone, male and female, and saw a lot of guys hold it for other guys. So I just say "thanks" and walk through, and let them assume what they wish.

[Adio]

Not trying to minimize your feelings, but I agree that your reaction was a bit over the top and probably drew more attention to yourself than just walking through.  I do understand where you're coming from though.  I lived in a women's dorm for two years and got that sort of thing all the time.  Even now I'm bothered by other guys holding the door for me, especially people who know.  I try to get to the door first instead of waiting for someone else.  Otherwise I either let the guy hold it or do what Jason suggested; a simple "I got it, thanks" while putting your hand on the door usually works unless the other person is extremely polite.

[Devlyn]

If there is another person behind me or coming towards me I hold the door. Male, female, old, young, it doesn't matter. I've never had anyone say anything other than "Thanks." Hugs, Devlyn

[Natkat]

I had those kind of experiense but mostly I when its like unisex then its okay,
it bothers me if someone hold the door for me cause of my gender like putting a "ladys first" sentense in it, then I say
"yeah, then you should go first." I know its not very nice, but cant help it.