Tonight, I came out to the last person I care to come out to.
When I was 15, my mom caught me going to LGBT support sites and asked if I was gay. I told her yes (in fear of what she'd think if I was trans), and she basically disowned me for months. She finally came around, and I'd always thought she did so because she found a suicide letter.
Fast forward 14 years.
Months ago, I started dropping hints (saying girlie stuff, getting her to dye my hair, telling her I wanted pretty hair, asking for laser hair removal, etc). I've started hormones... and she had never mentioned any physical change in me, but lately she's been saying "I'm really an open-minded person" .. which every time she said that, I kinda said to myself "Yeah I remember how open-minded you were when I was 15".
A few weeks ago, she and I got into a "I'm not speaking to you atm" fritz over something extremely stupid (details are unimportant). Yesterday, I determined well.. I have nothing to lose at this point, might as well tell her! So I texted her:
Me: "hey mom, just saying I love you! Hope you have a nice day."
Mom: "I hope u have a good day 2! I love u 2!
Me: "Cypress Inn (A popular restaraunt here)... my treat if ur up for it this weekend!"
Mom: "cool. I would love it"
So I pick her up and we eat. We get along. I take her home and as I pull into her driveway, I say:
"Got a few? There's something I need to tell you about me"
Mom: "Sure, what's going on?"
Me: "You remember when I came out to you when I was 15, I told you I was gay?"
Mom: "Are you gay?"
Me: "Well, no, not exactly.. well yes, but that's not it. Last year, I started seing a therapist about this. I was diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder. Basically, that means I'm not comfortable living life as a male."
Mom: "So you don't feel comfortable living as a boy?"
Me: "Right... Also, since August, I've been taking female hormones to try to start changing things to make me more female. In November I started seeing an endocrinologist and getting them prescribed to me. I don't know if you noticed any difference in the way I've been.. but that's what's going on."
Mom: "I have noticed."
Me: "Well, anyways, that's kinda why you caught me going to that website, it wasn't because I'm gay, it's because of that..."
(Paraphrasing and shortening to edit out redundancy)
Mom: "I have absolutely no problem accepting you. I have a very open mind about things, and honestly I've seen so much in my life, and nothing surprises me. I love you no matter what and that will never change. I will support you however you need it. It may take me time to figure out what all of this means, but I love you no matter what, and I'm just happy you're alive and here. If you're having trouble finding out who you are, I can understand that and I will help however I can. Just because you want to be yourself, doesn't mean I love you any less. Just be yourself and don't worry about what me, or whoever thinks about it. Just do what makes you happy. I will always be here for you."
I honestly think I have the best mother ever. I will go to the grave on that. I did not expect it to go this well.
Now, everybody I care about knows. My sister, a few friends at school, a best friend or 2, one of my brothers and his lousy excuse for a human being we call his wife. Works for me
I guess I'm pretty much completely out of the closet. My dad can go to hell and so can the rest of my family. They aren't in my life anyways. Life is good.. yet.. soo emotional lol!!
