It's just me

[Andre]

Hey folks!Was absent for a while... Damn  with my girly voice ! Always screws up things!Doing body exercices, got beautiful muscles...flat abdomen, my chest are now harder,also flat (never had breasts actually, just nipples)
... but when I open my mouth....
I was wondering  if u know some way to make voice deeper.... really sick of disappointing people ,can't talk cause they figure out.....sad really .
Also going to  psych next week. Yeah doc sent me-also he is concerned with my facial hairs(beard...but I love it) so probably will send me to endocrynologist too.
So if someone would like to share his/her experience...would appreciate that. Just to know what to expect at psych.....
My mom also makes pressure on me cause of my behaviour-act like boy,dress like one, building  musculature,chatting with queers from my country(yeah finally found it in my country but just for lesbians and gays-majority don't understand Tgs. I sent pic to some of them without explanation that I'm FTM,they believe I'm a boy .
My mother is so sad guess when I first told her she thought it was a joke(took it well) but now....the hardest for her was the fact I could be with a girl- fortunately for her still don't have girlfriend-cause of damn voice they figure out. She begged me to find fem guy just not girl . Ahhh... Must study now...cause of those problems  it's harder to concentrate on school...can't suppress my feelings...be what I'm not ,can't force myself to love a guy...
Guess now it  is the best time to start transition...lol even could pass without top surgery...but thinking that I could be alone cause I'm not the real guy...but  this, definately, is not life-be between....
Andre87

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Andre, welcome back from where ever you were,

So if someone would like to share his/her experience...would appreciate that. Just to know what to expect at psych.....

It's really hard to tell you what to expect when you go for therapy as every psych is different in the way they deal with different issues and different people.  They would have to deal with each patient differently, as we all have different personalities, and emotions.  If we were both CD, that doesnt mean a therapist would approach each of us the same way, if you know what I mean.

My first therapy session was basically a fact finding mission I guess.  We both spoke a lot and asked lots of questions of each other so that we each knew where we stood, our knowledge of the issues, what my hopes were, where I wanted to be, what I wanted from all this,

From then on it was basically me doing all the talking with the therapist interjecting from time to time with points, options, to steer things along.  Of course she has questions, and wants to know how I feel about issues that are going on, or those that would likely present them self in the future.  But generally everyone's experience is different.

In the mean time, hopefully you will get some more replies with more views.

Chat later

Steph

[Kimberly]

The first session is generally getting to know one another, and setting a general direction to travel.

For contrast...

In my first therapy session the therapist asked a lot of questions which I answered as best I could. I asked a few questions but apparently not many. I have never been a very chatty person and consequently the therapist does most of the talking.



Smile, life is too short to mope about

[edit]*ponder* A bit to happy with the past button I guess -- removed duplicate lines[/edit]

[Dennis]

About the psych, yeah, he or she will lead the direction of it, most likely. Mine asked about my gender experiences in childhood, what toys did I play with, how did I see myself, etc.

And voice. It will be one of the first things to change when you start T, probably (although I have a friend who had a goatee after 6 weeks, and his voice hadn't changed at all). In the meantime, you could always try just pitching it a bit lower, maybe expand your vocal range a little by singing and trying lower and lower notes. I'm not much help with that unfortunately. My voice was deep before T and I was often taken for a guy on the phone. Now it's probably the major factor that helps me pass without question.

Dennis

[Cassandra]

Hi Andre,

Welcome back. On the voice thing from the MtF side we have to learn to talk from the top of our larynx rather than the bottom. If you hold a finger to the bottom of your adams apple you can feel the vibration. You should note that with your natural voice this will come from the top. If you can put your high pitch into the bottom of your voice box you will get better results.

I'm only working from the perspective of an MtF but I figure if you do the reverse of what we do it should be helpfull. A voice coach could help but of course there is always the issue of money. Trying singing to Louis Armstrong. I sing along with Bonnie Raitt or Anita Baker. It does help.

Good Journey,

Cassie

[Andre]

Hey,thanx folks! Hope I'll make good impression at psych...Anyway my appearance was not a problem until puberty but know look younger -when I see boys from my generation('87) and their musculature,deep voice,height... well would like to fit u know... so be complete guy....

here's a pic-2 years ago no bigger changes just stopped shaving:)

[stephanie_craxford]

Hey there Andre,

Do worry about making a good impression, just be you, just be honest, and just be upfront.  This is not about impressing people, it's about you.

And if I may be a little bold, just going by your picture of course, you are definitely a handsome devil, and guys would kill to have those eyes, and brows of yours. 

Chat later,

Steph

[Dennis]

I agree with Steph there. You're lucky, you pass quite well visually without T, and you're a good looking guy. That must make it a little easier day to day. I used to when I was younger, but after my mid-thirties, I started looking distinctly female. That's probably what made me aware that I had to transition.

I'll put a picture up someday when I actually get one I like.

Dennis

[Andre]

Hey!Thanx Steph&Dennis!
Would like my mom share your thoughts!(accept me as a son)
Yeah am devil, but it's a miracle to keep spark when each day life hits u. I made some friendships in my new school-most time hang up with boys.
Guess girls need some time.....
You're good-looking Steph... real lady.And it's not just in dressing...have fem spirit in appearance.
Don't worry Dennis it's just a phase. U're very lucky-finished transition trip(or near end). Enjoy in your new body!Real life starts!
I'm very nervous about growing my breasts-cause they'll start to grow....I'm trying to stop it by exercices and diet but...and who knows when I'll be able to go to top surgery.That's why I had to start transition now...yeah would be easier to do it with another tg friend-FTM/MTF but none found yet.....

[jaded]

hi andre i dont believe we have met im jaded and i to am an ftm and a student its not always easy  to focus in school when your thinking about all of THIS.
but its amazing that you told ur mom that takes alot of guts dont think i can do it
take care
               jaded

[Transguykid]

Hey Andre, I was born in 87 too, and I guess my hormones levels for female were normal or high, but I started growing breasts when I was 8, and had a noticable chest by the time I was 10. If you haven't gotten them yet and you're my ade you probably won't get any, or hardly any. In the past two years I did grow one cup size, and ended up at a DDish cup. I had a breast reduction so now I'm a B, but I don't think they'll grow anymore. I think you're pretty safe with that.

BTW, man, you're looking good 

[Andre]

Hey brothers!
Thanx!
Totally agree about the school Jaded..I'm taking exams instead of going to school every day and facing with discrimination.I believe that at first place one should build him(her)self as human..there will always be people that will take off part of u and there are people that will incorporate in u,help u in your self-building. .anyway I told my mom and others because I don't want to let other people make plans about my life...I don't want to fight with myself because of them ...When(and if) I become independent I'll start HRT...even if I fail...(no one knows what future brings) I won't regret because I've spent my life living as a boy,man.
Ethan, fortunately currently I have problems only with nipples...breasts are small,can hide them with 2 shirts...it's true that I'm boiling every summer,can't go to swimming pool..beach.
Anyway,some genetic guys have small breasts(gynecomastia),kind of relief.

All the best guys!

buddy Andre

[Transguykid]

Andre, have you ever tried rash gaurds for swimming? They're basically tight shirts lots of people waer for surfing, swimming, or under wetsuits. Some of them do offer a bit of compression, and if you do only have tiny bumps(lucky!) you won't be too noticable at all, in any case. One transguy I know who had been on T for a long time but hadn't had top surgery just went topless at the beach, and nobody said anything. I had to wonder if people were following the "don't look at weird people" rule or if it was really that nobody cared. Honestly, you seem pretty well off, all on your own.

[Andre]

Andre, have you ever tried rash gaurds for swimming? They're basically tight shirts lots of people waer for surfing, swimming, or under wetsuits. Some of them do offer a bit of compression, and if you do only have tiny bumps(lucky!) you won't be too noticable at all, in any case. One transguy I know who had been on T for a long time but hadn't had top surgery just went topless at the beach, and nobody said anything. I had to wonder if people were following the "don't look at weird people" rule or if it was really that nobody cared. Honestly, you seem pretty well off, all on your own.

Hey Ethan!Now that's a great idea brother (rash gaurds)!Thank u so much! I'll have to wear something under my shirt..I started with body-lifting and my small breasts are more compact now(almost similar to chest of a builder) but damn nipples are more noticeable with building.Did I mention what happened at party in disco last month(not for lgbt population,but for str8)?I was dressed as a boy,spiky hair,jeans,black shirt,black belt.... was dancing-just can't help myself ,feel rhytm in veins...(I don't need drink or anything else to feel happy,free..hormones are the strongest booster(not on T but can feel it,can at least imagine it)..so I let music take me that night..and some guys thought I'm gay because of my dance and slim figure..(one was mocikng and said:"look even gay guys dance!")so they started checking, and one sent me a kiss,so I explained him that he should pass me...and then he called his friends and they started surrounding me.."ooO temperature is rising here...I must vanish at once" ..so I took taxi and left.Guess NO MORE PARTIES FOR ME,only private in friendly,warm atmosphere..I mean it's sad that one can't dance...and express how much he enjoys in life...I'm not going to party to sit and drink..can do that at home...
I should go normally to
school next year-every day(not just taking final exams-whole textbooks,subject by subject like last year because I couldn't stand facing with other teenagers that know me by my girl name in documents). Now,I don't care...some won't accept me...and don't need to... I met some LGBT friendly people this year and ftm brother Vuk..and should meet 2 more ftms next week(we're getting together yay)...step by step..I was thinking "Andre, don't let limited people throw u in mud,take flight before your wings get sticky,because they fill u with hate..no,I don't want that..today to have one true friend who feels your happiness as his own is blessing...
***... and the only furrow on face should be because of a smile!** Sorry on my English,was hanging on local forum(our tg forum is in daipers and needs care ) for too long..and from September I'll try to hang here more often and fix it.

Read ya folk!
hugs
buddy Andre

[Andrew]

Hi, Andre. Doing vocal exercises really helped my voice before T. What I'd do was hum the lowest note I could as loudly as I could, then try to push it lower and lower, sustaining the note for as long as my breath would last I did this a few times a day for about a minute each session, and my voice changed noticeably. Good luck!

[Melissa]

Cool.  I surmised it would be possible, but you proved it.

Melissa

[Kismet]

I'm only working from the perspective of an MtF but I figure if you do the reverse of what we do it should be helpfull. A voice coach could help but of course there is always the issue of money. Trying singing to Louis Armstrong. I sing along with Bonnie Raitt or Anita Baker. It does help.

Good Journey,

Cassie

I find Frank Sinatra works well, too.

[Andre]

Thanx Andrew!I'll have to practice.