Alright, hello. Thought I'd finally come around to introducing myself as I am. I don't know if I should tell my life story to how i got here, but I'll just summarize. Oh yeah, first let me say I'm glad to have found this forum. It's helped me a lot. I actually first came out on here. So thanks Susan's place!
Anyway, I've felt as if I've been in the wrong body for all of my 21 years of life. I've known this or felt this way since I was younger, like about 5 or 6. I just recently came out to my sister but most importantly came out to myself and accepted it. I came out to my sister as gay but even then I still don't feel like I'm being honest. (This'll get somewhat confusing but bear with me.) I did come out as gay to her but to me I don't feel as if I'm gay. I feel as I am a straight male in a female body and only because of my appearance and how I am perceived that is the only reason that makes me gay. So I have yet to tell that part.
Uh I been doing a lot of thinking and I want nothing more to transition. But I don't know where to start. My mom is pretty religious and she often talks about disowning her children if either of us turned out gay or anything like it. So i guess one of my worries is being kicked out in the dirt with nothing and hurting my family. But I'm at that point in life where I feel like I need to be selfish and put my happiness first cause I honestly don't feel like I could make it another year with having to hide who I really am.
I guess you can say I had a 'test run' in a male body or life on Christmas day. I didn't know what to do with myself. I looked in the mirror and hardly recognized what I was looking at anymore. So, I cut my hair. I had long, straight dark hair. I cut it, not as short as I may have wanted but short enough. I shaved my hairline to straighten and broaden it to give it a much more masculine look. And that day I went out to downtown by myself while all my family celebrated Christmas. I went out with a hat, a hoodie and jeans. And as I recall, it was the best Christmas I've ever had. And the best present I received was being called sir, dude and bro by four different people I came across that day. For one day, I felt freedom. For one day, I felt like, me.
I'm seeing a therapist right now and it's going pretty well. I hope I'm going in the right direction with all of this.
Anyway, besides all that, as you may have guessed I am 21. My name is Francheska, I cringe every time someone tells me I have a pretty name. I'm pretty funny, voted class clown in middle school....but then again a lot has changed since then, i like to think I still got it. I love basketball, playing and watching. Lakers fan, yes. I'm in college, working on my bachelors in graphic design. I have two quarters left, which is about six months, to graduate. Uh what else, I'm in southern california, I don't want to live here my whole life. Hit me up if you're around here though, needing me some good support. Alright guys that's about it. Nice meeting you all, thanks for reading.
