confusing sexuality

[beyondlabels]

I am about to start therapy to transition, but there's still something that makes me feel a bit unconfident in my decision. I have always wanted to have a male body and be treated as a male and all that kind of things, but my sexuality has been more anbiguous and that's why i hadn't come out as trans before. I am bisexual, more attracted to men. I know that's not a reason to feel unconfident about being trans but the thing is that i have pictured myself in sex with a female body for years and i got aroused with that fantasies. Those years I thought that i wasn't trans because of that, but it changed with time. I began to picture myself with a male body and male genitalia in sex and that's when i started to think i was really transexual. Now i enjoy sex and in addiction I feel good with my self image seeing myself as a guy and I feel that everything fits for the first time. I wonder if anyone here has had a similar experience, some stage being confused about your body image in sexuality, for example watching lesbian porn if you are a straight FTM, or hetero porn and imagine yourself in the place of the girl if you are gay...
I know some transgenders go through stages in wich they dress with the clothes of the gender assigned at birth, then have doubts and they change. I have never done that, but i wonder if something simliar is possible or relatively common in sexuality.
Thank you very much in advance!

[Devin87]

I'm totally confused about my sexuality, which is starting to worry me because I'm gonna be 25 in a month so I can't blame it on just being young anymore.  When I was a teenager I loved looking at hot guys and got a rush of excitement from it, but nothing really went on down there.  Now I'm starting to wonder if really I was looking at their bodies and thinking how much I wanted them for my own.  Now sometimes I get turned on when I see scantily clad women in movies and pictures and stuff, but I can't see myself marrying a woman yet.  My whole life I've thought I'd end up marrying a man (although when I actually pictured myself as a grownup, I was usually a male secret agent who didn't get married) but I can't picture myself in a man's body marrying a man.  Gay porn or even just pictures of two men kissing have always been a total turn off for me.  Right now I'm just sort of identifying as asexual and I'm hoping my true sexuality will become more clear in the future.  Otherwise I'm happy being an old bachelor...  For now.

[caseyyy]

I've enver gotten much out of lesbian porn, even though I'm completely into girls.

Yesterday I was confused because I fantasized about one of our really butch professors fingering me (in my vagina, if that wasn't obvious)...that's something I'd totally never do in real life. But it turned me on. My rationale is that it's just what I have going on down there, and it was just what felt right for that part at that moment. If a cisguy for whatever reason got a vagina one day I'm sure he'd learn the ropes too and do what felt right at the time, even if he'd rather have a dick.

[Bishounen]

I am about to start therapy to transition, but there's still something that makes me feel a bit unconfident in my decision. I have always wanted to have a male body and be treated as a male and all that kind of things, but my sexuality has been more anbiguous and that's why i hadn't come out as trans before. I am bisexual, more attracted to men. I know that's not a reason to feel unconfident about being trans but the thing is that i have pictured myself in sex with a female body for years and i got aroused with that fantasies. Those years I thought that i wasn't trans because of that, but it changed with time. I began to picture myself with a male body and male genitalia in sex and that's when i started to think i was really transexual. Now i enjoy sex and in addiction I feel good with my self image seeing myself as a guy and I feel that everything fits for the first time. I wonder if anyone here has had a similar experience, some stage being confused about your body image in sexuality, for example watching lesbian porn if you are a straight FTM, or hetero porn and imagine yourself in the place of the girl if you are gay...
I know some transgenders go through stages in wich they dress with the clothes of the gender assigned at birth, then have doubts and they change. I have never done that, but i wonder if something simliar is possible or relatively common in sexuality.
Thank you very much in advance!

I don't think it is weird at all that Gendervarianted/TG/TS people not seldomly experience intense feelings of what would be called 'Autogynephilic' or 'Autoandrophlic' emotions and urges, as Sexuality can be just as deciding for someones selfidentity as Gender can be.

I do know that many people hold the opinion that Gender and Sexuality is two completely different things, and I also in much agree with that, however such is not always the case, as the two can also be intertwined in each other to form one single Identity, and sometimes the Sexuality alone can be just as deciding for how someone feels about their bodies and how they "gender" themselves, as the Gender Identity can be for others.

So, Nothing weird at all, and certainly not rare.

[Natkat]

I sorta understand, I am way more into guys than girls, however I prefern straight porn and the women than gay porn..
it have confussed me for a long time, why Its not opposite... I guess its the mix between I think vegina penetration is hotter to look at than anal,
and the fact I feel the women seam more sluttish than the guys? but im still not complitely sure, its kinda strange actually.

[beyondlabels]

Thanks for your very interesting answers! all of them!  I feel better now. What a shame that this sexuality issue kept me from admiting my real identity for so long.... so much time feeling guilty and confused.

[Padma]

Yeah, I think sexual orientation wanders about in some people anyway, regardless of being cis or trans. So your sense of gender and your sense of sexuality are separate (if intertwined in places) and each needs the space to be met without prejudgement, and allowed to settle - or to unsettle and shift about. Let them do whatever they do, be fascinated, but don't worry or judge or try to force anything. It's who you are at the moment, that's enough to know .

[fatalerror]

I'm totally confused about my sexuality, which is starting to worry me because I'm gonna be 25 in a month so I can't blame it on just being young anymore.  When I was a teenager I loved looking at hot guys and got a rush of excitement from it, but nothing really went on down there.  Now I'm starting to wonder if really I was looking at their bodies and thinking how much I wanted them for my own.  Now sometimes I get turned on when I see scantily clad women in movies and pictures and stuff, but I can't see myself marrying a woman yet.  My whole life I've thought I'd end up marrying a man (although when I actually pictured myself as a grownup, I was usually a male secret agent who didn't get married) but I can't picture myself in a man's body marrying a man.  Gay porn or even just pictures of two men kissing have always been a total turn off for me.  Right now I'm just sort of identifying as asexual and I'm hoping my true sexuality will become more clear in the future.  Otherwise I'm happy being an old bachelor...  For now.

This sounds remarkably like me (I didn't feel sexually attracted to hot guys, but I was romantically drawn to men). But I more or less admired them and was envious of the form they had. Reading this topic is a bit of a relief, I've been very confused about my sexuality too. (Turning 25 in a few days myself....)

Honestly, while I have a few fantasies from time to time, I end up identifying as asexual or demisexual at the least. I really can't picture myself ever functioning in a sexual situation.

[Mr.Rainey]

There is no label for mine. I suppose straight covers it but not quite.

I am attracted to female bodied persons. I like gender queers and women. I dunno if that makes me bi or what lol.