Thanks for all the responses.
I'm trying to do the impossible, stay married and satisfy enough of my femininity to be reasonably happy with my wife. I would lose her if I transitioned, which I ache to do.
Complete electrolysis, and close to 100% passing privelige enables me to do what I want in the world. Plus I'm small - size 8 shoe! So, I was taking a low dose estradiol to experience some physical changes, got enough hip and butt to get rid of padding, A cup breasts, and already looked good in a one piece swimsuit.
Then the stroke happened and now I'm scared of estrogen. Problem is I'm a neuroscientist and know too much about what could've happened. I'm extremely lucky.
I'm seeing my therapist later today and my gender doc in November. Maybe at my age, 67, I won't lose that much by stopping?? Maybe antiandrogen would help
Cheryl