Problems with parents & school

[Jaehjlee]

Hey everyone, I'm currently a sophomore in high school. I've always known I was really a boy trapped in a girl's body ever since I was a kid, and I was hoping my parents would understand that. I'm out to my parents now as a FTM, but while they're not against it, I feel like they're not fully accepting me as one either. They've found me a therapist, who just referred me to several other therapists that aren't skilled at dealing with LGBT issues. And since my parents are of Asian descent, they're not fluent in English (we live in America), so it's hard to communicate with them and fully express what I'm going through. However, I recently found a therapist that specializes in transgenders, as well as being able to speak fluent Mandarin to make it more convenient for my parents.We haven't scheduled an appointment with the therapist I found yet, but we're planning to soon. I'm also planning to join a local LGBT youth group as well.   

The thing is, ever since high school I've struggled with grades, which, to my parents, are more important than me being able to be myself. Every time I break down because of my frustration of being a closeted FTM, the first thing my mom would say is "don't worry about that; right now your main priority is to bring your grades up". I understand that having a good education will benefit me greatly in the future, but right now I just feel so stressed by so many other things. I have trouble making friends at school because I'm shy and I feel like I don't fit in, and the friends I do have don't know that I'm a FTM. Also, I plan to major in illustration or graphic design, so I try to focus more on improving my art rather than study for my academic classes.

I just feel really lost and alone right now, like no one I'm close to can relate to my situation. The only thing motivating me is the possibility that I might be able to go on T in the future, but with the way my parents are acting right now, even that option seems almost impossible. Sorry for the long post, but I just need help with my parents right now..   

[Max]

First, give yourself a pat for finding a therapist who should be able to help you communicate your feelings better. I know you have not scheduled the appointment yet but this is a step in the right direction for you (and your parents). Joining a local LGBT group should help you make friends and find supportive people in a similar position.

Second, you are right that a good education will benefit you greatly. Art school is rigorous like any other school. It's wonderful that you wish to improve your art because it will help you in your field(s) of choice. However, remember your education will help you navigate the world and it is also a way out. It's important to find a balance between school (including your art) and doing things you enjoy so you do not feel so stressed.

I know you feel lost and alone right now, but don't give up. Being young and discovering yourself is not easy. Try to keep your chin up and look ahead. Do something every day that makes you feel closer to yourself, whether it is art or something else. Your situation is difficult right now but it is certainly not impossible or hopeless.

Your parents will need time to adjust to these changes. You will, too. All you can do right now is be patient and play an active role in your life.

[King Malachite]

Congrats for taking that first step at such an early age.  Joining an LGBT group should help you gain friends who you can be out with.  As for school well it is true that an education can greatly help you in the future but don't think about it in terms of academics.  Think about it as part of your transition.  The better your grades are, the faster you can transition.  Look to the future and use that as your motivation to succeed.

[Jaehjlee]

Thank you for your replies! I'm keeping my hopes up, especially since I might have time to attend a LGBT youth group maybe this week or next. As for school, this semester's ending soon so I'll try my best to finish strong. Thank you again for your support 

[anibioman]

congrats on finding a therapist it is really rather hard... mine is a misinformed douche but he is helping me get on T so i cant complain. also being out in highschool is hard so if you plan on coming out in school be prepared for things to get worse before they get better.

[Felix]

Hey man, I'm glad you're recognizing yourself and working on things. But please please humor your parents on the grades thing. My education was garbage and I believe a lot of my troubles since have been partly fueled by that lack of preparation.

[Jaehjlee]

I know high school is probably the worst time to be out, but my school is pretty LGBT-friendly, and plus I don't really have anything to lose :/ Once again, thanks for the tips & support!

I have a question though..is it possible for me to go on T before I graduate high school? I'm pretty sure I will have my parent's approval after I talk it over with them thoroughly (and raise my grades up haha). Because I have this idea where I start T before senior year and just transfer to another high school in my area and start over as a guy? It might be troublesome though, because I know some people that go to the other high school but we're just not as close (and most of them I haven't seen in a few years). 

Oh, and I want to start binding too. I'm currently saving up money to buy one online, but I'm deciding to wait till after meeting my new therapist first before I ask my parents about getting it.

[Felix]

A lot of people start hormone blockers and/or hormones in their teens these days. You'd have to deal with the local system, though. Your parents, your doctors and therapist, possibly your insurance, etc. The WPATH standards of care just got updated, for what that's worth.http://www.wpath.org/publications_standards.cfm

[Jaehjlee]

I've researched about hormone blockers but I think it's already too late for those I'm hoping to go on T & binding, but we'll see after meeting with my therapist and talking it over with my parents. Until then, I'll just keep my chin up I guess haha :]