could really use some help

[Erin H]

ok ive been having second thoughts on transitioning to become a women.

for the past few weeks ive been thinking maybe im just really a gay man or gender fluid/androgynous.
The problem is that i didn't really have any major gender dysphoria other than really masculine characteristics like face structure which i was afriad i was going to develop if i carried on living as a man.

I rushed into things way to fast i went full time when i went to uni and i wasn't even on hormones and i am in stealth and pass 100%.  I read so many stored how people feel complete euphoria going on hormones etc, i never felt that, i haven't felt any different since going full time. I feel so indifferent to it all. Also since i was never masculine as a boy i never went though the whole proper transition of seeing major changes. I have been on hormones for 3 months and feel un phased by the changes, i havent had many changes, just very minor breast growth.

I fear that i might be forever alone with no one wanting to be with me in a relationship if i stay as trans women.  Its only the past few weeks that i started feeling like this.

Even when im saying my name in my head i end up saying my old name and my dreams i see my self as my old self (that might be because i looked so female as a boy that i dont really need to picture my self in  a complete new body)

oh salisha isn't my real name by the way just my online name

any help would be greatly appreciated x

[Joeyboo~ :3]

So you think you're not really a woman on the inside, but just desiring to be a pretty boy?
Well hormones can give you that, but there's also breast growth and permanent sterility.
I don't know, I'm not much help.

But if the breasts dont bother you then keep taking them.
I don't see nothing wrong with that.

[JennX]

ok ive been having second thoughts on transitioning to become a women.

for the past few weeks ive been thinking maybe im just really a gay man or gender fluid/androgynous.
The problem is that i didn't really have any major gender dysphoria other than really masculine characteristics like face structure which i was afriad i was going to develop if i carried on living as a man.

I rushed into things way to fast i went full time when i went to uni and i wasn't even on hormones and i am in stealth and pass 100%.  I read so many stored how people feel complete euphoria going on hormones etc, i never felt that, i haven't felt any different since going full time. I feel so indifferent to it all. Also since i was never masculine as a boy i never went though the whole proper transition of seeing major changes. I have been on hormones for 3 months and feel un phased by the changes, i havent had many changes, just very minor breast growth.

I fear that i might be forever alone with no one wanting to be with me in a relationship if i stay as trans women.  Its only the past few weeks that i started feeling like this.

Even when im saying my name in my head i end up saying my old name and my dreams i see my self as my old self (that might be because i looked so female as a boy that i dont really need to picture my self in  a complete new body)

oh salisha isn't my real name by the way just my online name

any help would be greatly appreciated x

Well I have a similar story...

I've been on HRT for about 1.5 years... and feel no different. My endo and therapist are always asking if there have been any emotional changes, suddenly crying over little things, forgetting things, different responses to anger, sadness, humor, etc. And I absolutely can say... No there hasn't been any. So not every MTF on HRT starts bursting into tears during emotional moments. I have had little to zero change on the metal outlook / emotion department. Everyone is different and everyone's physiology responds differently to HRT.

I've also been full-time and 99% stealth for about 3 years prior to HRT. HRT has little if anything to do with your ability to "pass and blend in". If you looked like a 300 lb. linebacker in a dress pre-HRT, all the Estrogen in the world will not change you in to a Victoria Secret super model. It just does not work that way. Some people still believe HRT will somehow transform them to the ideal ultra-fem image they've had in their head... but I can tell you it won't happen. HRT at best is a small stepping stone on the path of transition. Nothing more, nothing less IMHO.

As for your fear of being alone, have actually proactively gone out looking to meet someone? Or is this just postulation on your part? I can pretty much guarantee you that there is someone for everyone, you just need to find them. 

If you want to continue transition and HRT, that call is up to you. You need to figure out what makes you happy and pursue it. No one but you can make this decision. Good luck!

[annette]

The only one who can help you, is YOU.
The feeling of gender is from deep down inside, your feeling.
Nobody can see who you feel, only you.
We all had second thoughts, am I doing the right thing? suppose I'm wrong? These kind of question often cross the mind.
But, on way or another, the feeling is there and that's what keeps one going trough transition.
If you don't have that strong feeling, you maybe better off waiting a while till you're a bit more sure about what you want with your life.
I mean, once transition is done, there is no way back.
If you have doubts because of the fear you will be alone for the rest of your life, well, that's bullsh*t, you say, you pass 100%, so, that won't be an obstacle.
I'm the living prove of it, I had long term relationships after transition, never rejected because of my past and in the time I was transitioned there was a lot more resistance from society to trans people than today.
It's all about yourself, if you're not ready, don't do it.
You're the only one who can give that answer.
You're the only one who can decide how you're gonna be happy, as a man or a woman, and that's not an easy decision.

I wish you a lot of wisdom before you make any further steps

[Erin H]

Thanks for all the replies

Ive been doing a lot of thinking and i have decided to carry on with my transition, i might make a therapist meeting in a few weeks time just to talk about it and see what she things etc

Oh and JoeyD you look super pretty in you avatar pic

x

[Rabbit]

I been thinking a lot of the same things too (hehe).

Hormones have been having a large effect on me though (emotional and social and all sorts of various things)... I really love what the hormones do actually.

But, I'm not considering myself female. I just think I am a feminized male now (even though I still want to eventually dress female and eventually "pass" would be fun).

I decided it is just an issue of semantics I should just keep doing what seems fun and looks nice

((Oh, and for findind someone who likes our types.... there are a lot of guys and girls who really love it haha))