Incident depressing me

[Metroland]

Yesterday something happened to me that I am still feeling bad about.

I was hanging out with my cousins, 14 and 16, and it seems that I did a girly gesture in front of the girl, 14, and she started making fun of me.  It came out of nowhere and I did not expect that she would make fun of me for it.  I am not out to anyone in my family (I live in a very conservative place and showing any signs of femininity would be very dangerous) so I really wanted to tell my mom that I was feeling bad about it but I cannot because my mom knows that I have gender identity issues and she told me that she never wants to hear about them.

I ignored her all day but the thing is that we have a family gathering every week and I would have to see her every week.  I also don't want to make a issue in the family if we keep on quarrelling.

I was panicking about it all day yesterday.  It also reminded me of the nasty things the guys at school used to say.

I told her that I was upset that she said something earlier in the day and she was like it seems that I took something personal and she didn't think that she said something wrong.

It is tough to think that I cannot be myself in front of her again.

[Metroland]

The incident happened only with the girl, the boy was doing something else.  It wasn't a word so I cannot deny it.

[mixie]

The key is that you associated it with bullying at school.   So she may have just casually laughed at you and you took it to heart.  At 14 she's probably not going to be very careful about what she says.   This is a signal to you that you are uncomfortable with being outed.  You are afraid of it and upset about what you fear will happen to you if you do come out.

It's ok.   It's not her fault that you reacted this way. 


Consider this example.   If I worked with a black woman who was raised in the south and victim of white racism.   Say she said "good morning" to me and I ignored her.   She might take it as a sign that I am racist.  I am not.

This actually happened to me.  This woman at my job thought and accused me of being racist.  Turns out I have a hearing problem.  I didn't mean to ignore her, I simply didn't hear her.   Now the funny thing is that all of the other workers at my job were also black women with the exception of a black man and white woman.  But the rest of them were raised in the West Indies.  They thought I was scatter brained.   They chalked it up to me being flakey.  Not racist.

People from the West Indies don't have the same history of racism as we do here in the South.


So what was the truth?  Should I be more careful about making sure I acknowledge people?  Well yes.  Should I be careful as a hearing impaired person to be conscious of this.  Well yes.

But the reason the woman got so offended was because of her issues.  Not mine.