After 31 years faithful service ……………….

[Catherine Sarah]

Yes folks, step right up. The next roller coaster ride starts over to your right. Remember to strap yourselves in. We don't know where this is going to take us.

For years I've extolled the virtues of ,"What goes around, comes around."
Am I about to bite myself on the bum?? It starting to sadly look that way.

For in excess of 40 years (aawww, give a girl a break. It's a girls prerogative not to tell her real age.) Paul has carried Catherine from one side of the world to the other, waiting for her to grow and mature into the woman she was born to be.

Last year was the moment when Catherine assumed control of the relationship after years of compromise. The future is set, plans are in motion, events are unfolding, expectations are being met, the unimaginable being seen. Relationships are being destroyed, enemies made, friends lost and dreams being dreamt.

A 31 year marriage, -  to an amazing woman who bore the back bone of our once, loving family. All 3 of them. Although original plans saw 6, regrettably 3 failed at various times during the launch sequence. A bonding phase, no one is asked to endure.  -  is headed for divorce.  It's the only realistic expectation. My wife deserves dignity; compassion; and a life of complete fulfillment that Catherine cannot provide.

If Karma is maintained through; " What goes around, comes around;" " Those that matter, don't mind, and those that mind don't matter." " When the student is ready the teacher will arrive." What sort of train wreck does that leave Catherine in?

The dilemma.!!!

Within the next 5 years we will see the death of Paul. Catherine will ascend to her full glory in his place, and Catherine will be remarried to the man of her dreams.

Unrealistic expectations?? Not from what Catherine has experienced in recent years  both at a personal and professional level.

Does Karma bite Catherine on the bum and destroy her marriage after years of love, caring and devotion; the way her alter-ego did?

Stay tuned for the next enthralling episode of ............. Why'd she do it? .......... (An add free intermission of several years will now follow)


Now I know why women go to the bathroom to cry. It's the only room in the home you can fall apart in and freshen up before you return to reality

Be safe, well and happy. ( I might need to take my own advice)
Lots huggs
Catherine 

[Re: Joyce]

This is one of the scariest times of the transition, where you lay everything on the line that you've worked for and held dear all your life.    There are no guarantees, except for a serious roller coaster ride for real.   There will be joyful highs and devastating lows and they may appear when you least expect them.

      All you can do is believe in yourself and look forward.  Be careful not to discuss this too much with outsiders, as they don't understand your joy or your pain and soon tire of the chase.

      Best of luck to you dear heart.   May your path take you to true joy in your heart.

[ByeBye]

Aw this is soooo sad. It touched me in a way so deep.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora Catherine,

Dependent Origination spins an intricate web, one that often spans many experiences/life times...It pays just to accept what is and make the most of it and by doing so you won't create more unwholesome karma by going against the grain/flow=by resisting... 

When reading your posts you 'always' come across as a confident, competent and compassionate person...So I'm sure you will begin to see the hidden positives in your 'present' situation...

"Whether the weather is cold
Or whether the weather is hot
We'll weather the weather whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not !"

Remember the present is your gift [to yourself] from your past -so use this gift wisely!

Metta Zenda

[annette]

I wish you and the spouse all the strength you may need in these hard times.
I know what you mean Catherine, you have to follow your heart, even when it hurts, there is no alternative.
for what it helps, my thoughts are with you.

hugs and kisses
Annette

[AbraCadabra]

Hum, didn't I just mention yesterday: (wo)man plans and God directs... a reasonably poor translation of the German: "Der Mensch denkt, und Gott lenkt"

I also mentioned how we make some of our dreams (not all) come true, then to see them also eventually pop like soap bubbles.
Seems one of those bubbles has burst for you.
You are in VERY good company honey, - please do not forget it.

The trick isn't ever to fall - but once you fell to go and pick yourself up, and pick up the pieces that fell down with you too - best you can.

I dearly hope for you, that as you say, you will be able to afford your soon to be ex (as I understand it) her dignity.
THAT will not be as easy a task as it may be spoken - but it can be done.
Time will tell, and time also heals.

I'm sure not only I, but also others here would love to be closer to you to comfort you during this painful part of your life. Alas words will have to do for me, as words will have to do for most others.

I wish you STRENGTH honey - and as clear a head as can be had.

Big hug,
Axélle

[Catherine Sarah]

Thank you ..... Thank you ..... Thank you,.... 

all sooooo very much, for your combined wisdom. You very special women never cease to amaze me with your insights and understanding.

Your very kind thoughts and wishes were especially appreciated.

I will carry those words in my heart, and use them to mend any other cracks that appear in my armor.

Not something that happens too much, but as I approach the pointy end of the stick, I guess it's bound to happen.

Thank you. You are all, very much appreciated.

Be safe, well and happy
Love
Catherine
 

[Colleen Ireland]

Catherine, your story sounds SO much like mine.  I was married in 1979, had 3 wonderful kids (1983, 1986, 1991), and this coming Sunday is the first anniversary of my separation from the woman I still love more than I can say.  That day is going to be hard, I just know it.  And yes, last year at this time, as I prepared to and then did move out of the home we had shared, I cried long and hard.  I cried many times in the weeks and months that followed.  I know I will cry this week.

HOWEVER:  Know that it will be okay.  I don't know (and can't promise) if your story will CONTINUE like mine, but my ex and I are now friends, we spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together (with the kids), I took my daughter out for supper last night and we had a great chat, and hugged and said "I love you" when we parted.  I now have a very nice home, and although smaller than the one I left, it is mine, and I love it.  I am living the life I was always meant to live, and things are going well for me.  But the MAIN thing is, the separation was not just an ending, it was also a new beginning, and Life's possibilities are now spread out before me like a buffet.  Just remember that along with the sadness, there is joy, and beauty, and wonder.

[Melody Maia]

I'm sorry this is happening hon. It is tough. Today is actually the one year mark of my own divorce. It was very painful and I still cry about it from time to time, but it was for the best. I loved her and wanted her to be happy. I wouldn't be able to do that for her. She is now much happier with someone else and we remain friends. I'm still looking.

[Colleen Ireland]

GAWD, Maia... you look GORGEOUS!!  You OWN that tiara!  And... almost spooky... this Sunday is the one-year anniversary of my separation...

[Melody Maia]

GAWD, Maia... you look GORGEOUS!!  You OWN that tiara!  And... almost spooky... this Sunday is the one-year anniversary of my separation...

Awww, thanks Colleen. Haven't seen or heard from you in awhile. Been wondering what you are up to. Yes, for awhile there our transitions were keeping apace. Surgery is in two weeks for me now. However, I don't want to crash Catherine's thread. I have a thread about being a princess for a night that has a few pics of me in it. We can continue this over there if you wish. Sorry Catherine!

[Catherine Sarah]

Thank you very much for your encouragement Melody.

No apology necessary.

Your feelings for your wife, resonate to my core. I know exactly your feelings.

This thread is not about me. It's about the wilful slaying and destruction of another individual, so close to you. Particularly when the"lie" didn't have to persist for so long and permeate the family core. 33 ******* years. Shameful !!

I somehow understand your expression, "it was for the best." (Hind sight will prove you right) In your case, as I know in mine; "best" is the epitome of an oxymoron. Something we must come to terms with, I guess. I've heard, time is a great healer.

You, may be still looking, but I sense it won't be for long. Not with your attitude.

Thank you for your inspiration. It is greatly appreciated and valued.

It was nice to see Monica's comment about you being a reflection of your soul. That sort of encouragement keeps me going.

Go forward in expectation and desire.
Love
Catherine

P.S. Thinking about you for yesterday. Hope it heals quickly for you.

I heard someone comment once, attitude is about converting your scars into stars. I'll have to muse on that a little longer until I perceive its reality.

[Catherine Sarah]

Colleen,

I'll hold you in my heart this coming Sunday.

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I read your blog, Believe In The Rainbow, sometime ago, and I don't think I PM'd you to thank you for expressing your innermost personal feelings, in the way that you did. I'm in someway, I'm still coming to terms with the similarity of our journeys, as you mentioned.

Having read your blog, it took me 3 days, and then I descended into hell, for a week. To the extent I had to relieve myself of duties as I was unable to perform even the most menial task. I've followed your successes since. Ever so pleased to rejoice in your victories and achievements.

This thread was never intended for me. It was all about the woman I've lied to for 33 years. Married 31, in relationship with her, 2 years before. Sorry. No excuses for not embracing the topic. That's the reality. This is the cost. Simple maths.

I've betrayed her trust. Destroyed her fulfillment. Annihilated her self esteem, her confidence. She never saw this coming, nor signed up for it. I know things were said to the extent of "For richer, for poorer, etc, etc. But there was absolutely no mention of this one. Well I guess there was. It was the "if anyone knows why these two etc.etc" was MY opportunity to come clean.

I feel her shame, explaining to her friends what went wrong. "Your husband did WHAT?? How were you so stupid not to see THAT one coming?? OH!! he was just the BEST liar in town !!

I also believe there are boundaries to the extent where we can push people to. Particularly the kids. Not only will they have to get their head around their father, going to the "dark" side, BUT, pushing the boundaries beyond all limits to try and understand how he can possibly entertain the idea of remarrying as a wife, to someone. This transgresses even the boundaries of grief. Not even Spielberg could come up with a tryst like this.

I appreciate the fragility of some here in Susan's family. I hope I haven't destroyed anyone else on this part of their journey. It wasn't intended. My profound apologies if I have offended or destroyed.

Let me take your words of wisdom and encouragement, along with everyone elses (to which I'm eternally thankful for); comtemplate on them, use them to reinforce any further cracks and apply them in a healing balm; and pray my wife achieves fulfillment beyond her wildest dreams.

"Your attention please. This is the guard speaking. the next stop on this journey is "Forgiveness" those wishing to alight, do so through the rear 4 cars."  Hummm, where's my ticket?

Thank you all
Love
Catherine