What's wrong with me?

[Sweet Blue Girl]

It s strange. Yesterday I ve been with a friend in a disco. He is a coworker, and very ethero. He doesnt publicly knows I am a trans inside.
It was a theme night, all devoted to aliens and 80 s music.
Anyway in this disco I saw some dragqueens making their show while dancing, togheter with some very femminine guy and a beautiful transgender woman dancing with them. It was my first time ever seeing all this in a disco.
I had mixed feelings, from one side i was like in a dream, tough I always feel, and I felt also that night, a little repulsion for dq, maybe because i know it s not the charade I want, I just want to be a woman...
Anyway i don't know what s wrong with me, i respect DQ but i kinda have prejudices against their strange sense of beauty, at the same time I am still gaining weight for calming down a bit and being very tall, i fear that I most probably end in being just the most horrible DQ and not the woman i feel i oughta be! And all this unhappiness makes me eat a lot and feel sad.
It was just the first approach to this world in real life, and u see, i am all messed up...

[MacKenzie]

  The difference is most DQ don't identify as women, it's just a partime thing for them and most are comfortable living as men. I know what you mean though because when I see DQ's out and about at clubs or on the street I kinda get this "eww" feeling and I know I shouldn't. I think some DQ's look absolutely gorgeous while others look like a poster child for makeup companies lol.