That feeling of..."It can't be done!"

[Korra]

So since ive made up my mind to transition ( for the most part) lately, I've been spending a lot of time on these forums and a hell of a lot of time in front of the mirror.  It's somewhat gotten to the point to where I've seen so many transition timelines and become privy to the male vs female features list that when I look in the mirror I just highlight all my male features and can't imagine my face becoming feminine.  ( before anyone comments on my default thats an extremely saturated photo).  I know it's something we all deal with for the most part, but how do you cope?  What do you tell yourself to get through it/make it better.

Breaking mirrors isn't an option, my whole college is full of reflective surfaces.


>>Also sorry for so many threads lately, like I said been living on the forums lately.
:X

[Maja.V]

I cope by convincing myself I've still a very long way to go (... which I do), and that once I get the money for FFS and have it done, I'll look far more passable (and hopefully prettier). In all honesty, I'm not exactly sure how passable I am right now (if I don't count the facial hair), but I'd say I'm not at all. Then again, we are our own harshest critics.

Hormones do a lot, but they aren't magical pills (sadly enough).

I guess that you'll just have to live with it until you do something / have something done about it.

[kelly_aus]

After 8.5 months on hormones, I still don't think I pass.. But apparently the rest of the world disagrees with me..

I look in the mirror and see the same person that's been looking back at me for years and I'm convinced there's no way that I pass.. I'm not looking to be super pretty, I just want to fade in to society as an average woman..

But enough blathering, here's some pics..

This is me in August 2010..


This is me about a month and a half ago..

[Kelly J. P.]

 This has been a pretty big problem for me, actually. The way I figured, I'd just let the hormones do their thing, go full-time whenever I feel comfortable enough for it, and to heck with all else. I sort of lived in a time-machine state... just letting the days go by while I waited to be passable. Without a doubt, passability will be achieved for everyone that's stubborn enough for it, so it's really just a matter of time.

[Stephe]

You have to forget reading about what I consider the "extreme transitions".  There are some people who IMHO get too obsessed with perfection. It's not healthy for trans or cis people. MJ is a great example of someone who got obsessed with their appearance. I can't tell much from your profile shot but simply: look for your -worst- feature. Go see a plastic surgeon who has done some FFS but not necessarily a "MTF FFS" specialist. Those guys will tell you nothing short of $50-75,000 in surgery will do anything. Hormone WILL soften your face but your chin/ nose will not change. The nose is a big indicator and it's right in the middle of your face! Some people have a really strong chin that would need to be addressed.  But many times a fairly simple procedure can make a huge difference. Below is a panel of before, 1 week post op and 3 months post op of just a nose job. For many people this is probably all they need, guys have a much more pronounced and down turned/wide nose.

http://atlantaracing.tripod.com/cleanup/compare3.jpg



From my personal experience, start working on your voice NOW. Don't wait, do it NOW. Having a passable voice is at least if not more important that visually passing perfectly. This is a place many people ignore because it requires a LOT of work on your part. This will take a while so don't wait on this step.

Your timeline is what you make it. I was living full time for years before any HRT or anything. The mistake I made is, I should have working on my voice first, not last.

Just because another person had to be on hormones for a year first, doesn't mean you have to. All of this is very personal and YOU decide how to do it. The main thing is just to do it!

[Stephe]

After 8.5 months on hormones, I still don't think I pass.. But apparently the rest of the world disagrees with me..

I look in the mirror and see the same person that's been looking back at me for years and I'm convinced there's no way that I pass..

You totally look like a woman to me, with a decent voice and female mannerisms, you would have no problem blending in at all (you already know this I'm sure). Like most of us, you see things about yourself no one else does.

[ValleyGirl]

I sympathize with the OP in a big big way. I'm only six months into this, but I don't ever see myself having a good result. I know I need to spend big $$$ on FFS in order to be minimally passable.

One thing I am super fortunate for is my voice is essentially perfect as-is. I've been given a free pass on that, and it's something that will be invaluable in the coming year as I begin to venture out into the world as myself and out of stealth mode.

I hate being in limbo, in this transitional state wherein I'm still living/presenting as male - yet having these changes taking place. It's a battle sometimes to make it through the day. I wish I could lock myself in a room until I'm 'done', but unfortunately for us, reality doesn't quite work that way.

[starbright]

^^I am in the exact same boat as you hunny. I am about 5 months in and always feel that I won't see much results. I have to just remind myself that I have the manerisms and such down, I just need the appearance to match, which will hopefully come in time. \

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you ValleyGirl because you should see some very noticeable changes if you are starting at a younger age?!

[Korra]

Thanks for the replies!  I know that I'll most likely need at least minor FFS in the future ( hopefully just nose/trauchea shave ) but its still somewhat disappointing.  I know I haven't started HRT so I have no right to complain but its something that is still very frustrating.   I don't get a lot of to practice any voice right now with my family being home al the time nd they love to eavesdrop.   The only time I could do it would be mainly in the car on the way to school but thats my pretending im an american idol time, so I may have to figure something else out. 

I'd prolly take a similiar approach to Kelly, I am definitely not one to go full time before I even start.  I know it works for some but i'm gonna be the turtle in this race.  I also am not sure how much of my style/ish stuff i want to change from  danny to girl danny.  For example, obviously my wardrobe will become more feminine, which Im cool with but as far as certain "girly girl" things I'm not sure I want to hop in to just because I'm supposed to.  I'm by no stretch a sports enthusiast or anything, its just i want to take it really slow and figure myself out.  I'm torn on the rate I want the changes to take place though, on one hand i would very much like fast awesome changes from hormones, but on the other that may have to make me decide sooner rather than later if people start to point it out.

I've also decided not to tell my best friend.  Its an interesting situation but I've been joking with him about starting hormones as a "joke" for years and we still bring it up often.  So even though it will probably be advised against, I plan to have the last laugh on that front  when i start

[Stephe]

but as far as certain "girly girl" things I'm not sure I want to hop in to just because I'm supposed to. 

Right, you don't have to start sewing/cooking etc just because it a stereotypical thing to do. I still do a lot of the stuff I did before, because I enjoy it.

[ValleyGirl]

^^I am in the exact same boat as you hunny. I am about 5 months in and always feel that I won't see much results. I have to just remind myself that I have the manerisms and such down, I just need the appearance to match, which will hopefully come in time. \

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you ValleyGirl because you should see some very noticeable changes if you are starting at a younger age?!

I'm 27, will be 28 in March... wish I'd done this earlier. I have some major results already - in these past six months, I've grown a set of generous Bs that keep growing. My skin has completely changed. My hair loss has reversed itself - hair is thickening again. So I do see results. I just have a hard time reconciling what I see in the mirror with what I hope to be... and I think I will need to put some big money (which I don't have) into FFS - in fact it would be a higher priority than SRS in my case. That having been said, I don't know what the real result will be in the long term. I'm just starting to grow my hair out, getting hair zapped from my face and such, and a hundred pounds to lose - hard to do when you feel hungry all the time. I have a long way to go.

[Korra]

I'm 27, will be 28 in March... wish I'd done this earlier. I have some major results already - in these past six months, I've grown a set of generous Bs that keep growing. My skin has completely changed. My hair loss has reversed itself - hair is thickening again. So I do see results. I just have a hard time reconciling what I see in the mirror with what I hope to be... and I think I will need to put some big money (which I don't have) into FFS - in fact it would be a higher priority than SRS in my case. That having been said, I don't know what the real result will be in the long term. I'm just starting to grow my hair out, getting hair zapped from my face and such, and a hundred pounds to lose - hard to do when you feel hungry all the time. I have a long way to go.

Have you seen any facial changes?  and I'm sure you'll get there.  I know this doesn't mean much from someone who doesn't believe in themselves but I'm sure it'll work out!

[Hermione01]

After 8.5 months on hormones, I still don't think I pass.. But apparently the rest of the world disagrees with me..

I look in the mirror and see the same person that's been looking back at me for years and I'm convinced there's no way that I pass.. I'm not looking to be super pretty, I just want to fade in to society as an average woman..

But enough blathering, here's some pics..

This is me in August 2010..


This is me about a month and a half ago..

You definitely look like a typical aussie girl.     

[Catherine Sarah]

After 8.5 months on hormones, I still don't think I pass.. But apparently the rest of the world disagrees with me..
I look in the mirror and see the same person that's been looking back at me for years and I'm convinced there's no way that I pass.. I'm not looking to be super pretty, I just want to fade in to society as an average woman..

Sorry Kelly. I'm going to have to side with Beverley on this one. You DO pass. (Now tell me? What part of "DO", don't you understand?  LOL) (Excuse me for being so cheeky)  ... And as Hermione said, "You look like a typical Aussie girl" What more needs to be said?  Go and splurge and have a facial. Then come back and tell you don't pass!! Have a spectacular day, Special One.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine