Hello my name is Claire,
Since loosing my job last year, l have had a lot of time thinking about things l have buried for almost 30 years. I have always known l was a little different, and l guess everyone else ( friends, family and previous work mates ) knew too. But it was only over the last 12 months that it clicked as to why l was always depressed and thinking of ending my life. I am a transgender M2F. I know this now and looking back on my childhood l could see signs that reassured this very fact. My fondest memory was dressing like Punky Brewster to primary school with different colored socks, shoes and shoe laces, a red bandanna around my leg and ripped jeans and a red skive with a t-shirt over the top. I wanted the yellow butterfly hair ties but my mother wouldn't let me.
Then as l hit puberty l began stealing clothes from family and neighbors washing lines and at one point my parents sprung me and all l could do was cry. I couldn't put my finger on it as to why l was doing these things but l couldn't stop. After l got a job and had money to burn, l began buying all the things l ever wanted and it wasn't till l saw a movie called "Normal" l began to understand that l might be suffering in the same way.
Some people say they knew they wanted to be a girl and l guess l felt the same way, but l did not know the name they gave to people who's brains where different from their body. I spent months researching on the net, getting documentaries, books, and visiting website's to get all the terminology and information for my self to understand what l had to do to be the person l was inside. This is where l found this forum and l began to read like crazy.
Now l am coming to terms with the fact that all my life l have been pretending to be someone l am not, and came up with the courage to tell my sister, my mother and my closest friends of what l have been dealing with. Some believe l am just a cross-dresser, but l know in my heart l am female and l have lived as a male, trying to conform to the societies image of what a man is, only to realize that l am not male and its time for me to be happy and enjoy life and be the person l should have been born as and not with the body l have.
Since reading a lot of the posts people have been putting on here, l see l am not alone and don't have to deal with this alone, and hope to make new friends and people who understand exactly what it is like to be transgendered and that it isn't something people make up to get attention.
I apologize if l have been rambling, but for me this is the first time posting on any forums about this subject as l was always scared to let people know about what l have been dealing with. Thank you all for letting me tell a bit of my story and l hope to be able to contribute where l can.
