I'm unsure about myself

[ItachiUchiha]

So, this is going to be rather long and thanks ahead of time if you read it all I am 18 years old (19 in less than a month) and was born a male physically. I have always wished that I was born a girl for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, some of my best friends were a couple girls that lived in my neighborhood, and I even enjoyed playing Barbie with them too. However, I have not ever really considered that I could be transsexual until just a couple months back. Thinking about it, I think I may have always known in the back of my mind, but didn't accept it because of my dad. He was always very masculine and would do everything in his power to have me be the same. If I ever hurt myself (even if I gashed my leg open) i was told to quit crying and man up. He never let me act anything but completely masculine and I wanted nothing more than to make him happy. Anyway, a couple years back he left and I found out I actually don't know my real father, etc. but that's another story. I now feel like I'm free to be who I am, but I'm scared I will make a life-changing mistake. I really don't know what to think or do. I spend hours every day thinking about it, picturing myself as a female, and asking questions like would I be happy doing this or that, etc. some days I am motivated and want to go out there and start and I'm completely sure it is right, and others I think that it would be much easier to remain how I am and I should just not go through it and be as happy as I can as a guy. I wish more than anything I could have been born a female, I'm just not sure I want everything that comes with being a transsexual. I definitely have a feminine mind, and I won't explain why or this post will turn into a book. Here are the reasons I think I should transition: I hate my guy "parts", I don't like that society expects me to be a huge muscular dude that is rude, I could never have sex with anyone in this body and never want to unless I transition, I feel like I am grouped with guys who are rude and treat girls like trash, I much prefer things like snuggling up with someone I love and watching a movie rather than having sex like all guys seem to want, I usually can't relate to what guys talk about, I prefer female company over male company any day, and I want to feel free to express myself. Now, here are some of the reasons I am hesitant on transitioning: fear or not passing, not much knowledge of the female world (can be learned), I'm 6 ft tall and dont want to stand out, I don't want anyone to outcast me, the money involved, the time it takes, and family and friends leaving. So, I know for certain that I am indeed a girl in mind and spirit, but I'm just worried that after struggling to come out, paying the medical bills, and learning to fit into a whole new society, I will be outcast and it will all go wrong, which will lead me to wishing I had never done it in the first place since my current life isn't terribly miserable, I'm just unhappy with my body is all. (holy commas, Batman!) Anyway, could anyone provide me with some input in what they think? Or maybe if someone had this same problem but went through with it and are completely happy? I guess I'm just in fear of the unknown. Anyway, thanks for reading this if you did and hopefully I can get some thoughts on what to do!

[King Malachite]

First thing if you are able to, go see a gender therapist who can help you.  Most transgendered people I know who transition goes or went to a gender therapist because that is the first step. 

Don't worry about being a 6'0 plus woman.   Many ciswomen are that height or even taller.

It's okay to be scared of the unknown.  Most people are including me are scared of the unknown.

No one can tell you if this is right for you.  You have to know it in your heart that this is what you want and the price you are willing to pay to transition in order to be happy which can include the money involved, social aspects, family, friends, health risks etc.

If you cannot get to a therapist then I say talk to some of the ladies and guys around here and get to know their story or follow blogs or watch those on Youtube who document their transition to hear their stories.

I wish you the best on whatever you decide to do.

-hugs-

-Malachte

[ItachiUchiha]

Thank you, I will try to see one, but that means I am going to have to come out to my mom since I don't have a job, which I don't want to do if I'm unsure and I find out later that I'm not; I'd rather her not have that thought in her mind forever if it turns out I was being unsure and stupid, even though I feel like I'm fairly sure.

My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.

I like both actually, but prefer women. The thing is, I want to have sex, but I could never in my male body. I absolutely hate my genitals and it would feel completely wrong and I wouldn't enjoy it. I'm absolutely sure of that, and I don't want it in the rear either; if I ever do have sex with a guy, it will be if I transition and then he can put it in a proper place. I'm not against anal sex if other people do it, but it just seems gross to think of myself doing it and it is, like you said, sorta dangerous.

Thanks for the responses, I'll hopefully be able to figure something out and see a gender therapist

[A]

What do I think? I think you should use paragraphs, because I'm really dizzy and could never read that wall of text entirely.

From what I understood, I have two words for you: Gender therapist. that should andswer all your questions and wishes. Don't worry about your mother. If you end up not transitioning, it'll just be one of those "haha, look at what my son thought back then, so silly" things. Unless she's stupid, she can't possibly be angry at you for that. Wanting to explore your fears and thoughts is natural and healthy. And if you don't want to tell her, go at a therapist who "also" does gender therapy, and don't tell her the real reason why you're going. Invent something.

And I'd tend to say not to listen to Skeptical_Me, even though I don't like pointing at people. Sex is not a priority regarding transition, and "trying it out" if you don't feel like it will pretty much surely bring trauma, but no advantage whatsoever. Just like putting your hand on the lit stove just to make sure it'll burn.

And the idea of transitioning BECAUSE of attraction to men is utter ridiculous. Anal sex isn't dangerous unless you willingly do it the worst, the most stupid way. And gay men who transition end up being unhappy and wishing to go back, mostly.

Keep in mind that sex is a minor aspect in the great sack of reasons that might make you transition.

[Stephe]

Getting a sex change and transitioning because you want to have sex with men but think anal sex is dangerous is the most INSANE reason to even consider it. That is some of the worst advice I have seen on this forum.

[kelly_aus]

ItachiUchiha, I'm going to reiterate the advice you've already been given.. Go see a gender therapist..

And while fearing that you will ose everyone and everything is a valid fear - it doesn't always happen.. Just many of us who don't lose everything don't always crow about it..

My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.

That's quite simply the worst advice I've ever seen here.. 

[ByeBye]

So, this is going to be rather long and thanks ahead of time if you read it all I am 18 years old (19 in less than a month) and was born a male physically. I have always wished that I was born a girl for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, some of my best friends were a couple girls that lived in my neighborhood, and I even enjoyed playing Barbie with them too. However, I have not ever really considered that I could be transsexual until just a couple months back. Thinking about it, I think I may have always known in the back of my mind, but didn't accept it because of my dad. He was always very masculine and would do everything in his power to have me be the same. If I ever hurt myself (even if I gashed my leg open) i was told to quit crying and man up. He never let me act anything but completely masculine and I wanted nothing more than to make him happy. Anyway, a couple years back he left and I found out I actually don't know my real father, etc. but that's another story. I now feel like I'm free to be who I am, but I'm scared I will make a life-changing mistake. I really don't know what to think or do. I spend hours every day thinking about it, picturing myself as a female, and asking questions like would I be happy doing this or that, etc. some days I am motivated and want to go out there and start and I'm completely sure it is right, and others I think that it would be much easier to remain how I am and I should just not go through it and be as happy as I can as a guy. I wish more than anything I could have been born a female, I'm just not sure I want everything that comes with being a transsexual. I definitely have a feminine mind, and I won't explain why or this post will turn into a book. Here are the reasons I think I should transition: I hate my guy "parts", I don't like that society expects me to be a huge muscular dude that is rude, I could never have sex with anyone in this body and never want to unless I transition, I feel like I am grouped with guys who are rude and treat girls like trash, I much prefer things like snuggling up with someone I love and watching a movie rather than having sex like all guys seem to want, I usually can't relate to what guys talk about, I prefer female company over male company any day, and I want to feel free to express myself. Now, here are some of the reasons I am hesitant on transitioning: fear or not passing, not much knowledge of the female world (can be learned), I'm 6 ft tall and dont want to stand out, I don't want anyone to outcast me, the money involved, the time it takes, and family and friends leaving. So, I know for certain that I am indeed a girl in mind and spirit, but I'm just worried that after struggling to come out, paying the medical bills, and learning to fit into a whole new society, I will be outcast and it will all go wrong, which will lead me to wishing I had never done it in the first place since my current life isn't terribly miserable, I'm just unhappy with my body is all. (holy commas, Batman!) Anyway, could anyone provide me with some input in what they think? Or maybe if someone had this same problem but went through with it and are completely happy? I guess I'm just in fear of the unknown. Anyway, thanks for reading this if you did and hopefully I can get some thoughts on what to do!

This is something that's really inside of you. Although your dad is masculine and wants a son, remember this may not be what's inside of you. Do you have any brothers? If so, he should focus on them. That will boost his confidence. Playing with Barbie dolls as a child is a sign that something about you may be feminine. I may suggest speaking to an expert for an analysis.

[ItachiUchiha]

Ok, thanks everyone! And trust me, I would NEVER transition just because of sexual reasons, I'm not sure why that was suggested honestly. I mean, sure sex will actually be enjoyable, but I'm doing it for myself and how I picture myself being, not for sexual pleasures. Anyway thanks again, I'll try to find a gender therapist nearby and tell my mom.

[Bishounen]

No matter how much I disagree with Sceptical_Me's post, I must nonetheless say that I am sure that he(?) did not mean any harm. Perhaps he comes from a culture where those points of view is common.
In thailand, for instance, it is not uncommon at all to transition to be able to get heterosexual guys.
That view was even used in the West World untill only a few decades ago, when someone applying for Sex Change would be refuted if the person would not be heterosexual in the new Sex.
I personally knew a Trans-person that was denied treatment because he was bisexual, and therefore was destined to live like a man for the rest of the life, but he was fine with that now and was happy with life anyways.

As for anal sex being dangerous, that is totally untrue, unless it is done violently so that it actually damages the ringmuscle.
Otherwise, and if using lube, precaution, taking it easy and not the least cleaning yourself properly before sex, it is not bad in any way.

[Annah]

My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.

omg..

[VannaSiamese]

Getting a sex change and transitioning because you want to have sex with men but think anal sex is dangerous is the most INSANE reason to even consider it. That is some of the worst advice I have seen on this forum.

Thank you! I was waiting in this.

Itachi, the best advice I can give you is to be completely honest with yourself and any therapist you may see. Tell them your sexual feelings, as well as your self image feelings.
I am like you, I am not very sexually driven. Granted I've had sex with just about everything in the book, it took me almost 27 years to get there, and a lot of it was just experiments. I'm just not somebody that craves sex or even thinks about it often. I use to think that this was a trans issue, but it's infact a body issue. I am going to go against the crowd and advise you to see a therapist that deals with body dysmorphia. Perhaps your issues are more related to your body and not gender. It took me 3 years to figure out that I was getting my body issued confused for gender issues... Granted I do have gender issues, but my main problem is body issues.

[Rabbit]

In the rear is medically dangerous.

LOL! Only if you are doing it with a horse :|

[ItachiUchiha]

Yeah, I think I will probably see a gender therapist this weekend, unless I chicken out which may very well happen haha. Sometimes I really feel like I am a female, then other times I'm unsure. Hopefully a therapist can help me clear this up.

Rabbit, lol I think we all know who tried that and I hope no one ever tries that again.

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.

Ha.

Hahahaha.

Must-resist-rant-against-heteronormativity-binarism-and-cisnormativity (not to mention the effect on the diametric parallel functions of homophobia, non-binaryphobia, and transphobia).

Ok, but seriously.  The good thing is that you can do a lot of stuff to explore your gender identity, sexual identity, sexual orientation that doesn't involve permanent measures.  The bad thing is that society is kind of a dick about that.

I was in a place somewhat similar to yours (in terms of age, apprehensions, a few of the beliefs about wanting to transition) about two years ago, and I turned out fine.  Feel free to PM me if you would like.

[ItachiUchiha]

Yeah I guess what I'm apprehensive about is the cost, fitting in, and learning how to live and act like a girl. I don't doubt that I have a female mind and I want a female body so much (I hate my male body) but I've lived as a guy for 19 years so I know how to do that, but I'm just unsure of if I could ever live a female life, even though I want to be one. Does that make sense?

Wonderdyke, I was gonna pm you but I don't know how to haha, I tried clicking on your name.

[Cadence Jean]

My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.

Seriously?

I mean, SERIOUSLY?

Don't listen to this person.  You need to live your life authentically.  That doesn't necessarily mean "acting like a woman."  Just like you.  Don't try to live up to a female ideal - it won't happen.  Cisgen women can't even do that.  You decide what is right for you and if you're acting the way that you want to act.  There are advantages and disadvantages to any path that one takes in life.  For me, the advantages outweighed the disadvantages.  I suggest finding a reputable therapist who is well-versed in LGBT matters and do some major soul-searching for a while.  Wait until you are ready to make a decision before making the decision - only you will know when that is.  Good luck!  And try to have fun with it!

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

Yeah I guess what I'm apprehensive about is the cost, fitting in, and learning how to live and act like a girl. I don't doubt that I have a female mind and I want a female body so much (I hate my male body) but I've lived as a guy for 19 years so I know how to do that, but I'm just unsure of if I could ever live a female life, even though I want to be one. Does that make sense?

Wonderdyke, I was gonna pm you but I don't know how to haha, I tried clicking on your name.

I think you need around five more posts.

I don't fit in.  I'm a radical feminist separatist queer as christ dyke kid, and it's the fact that I did what I did when I did it that makes me feel like I can do it.  It doesn't make me any less female that I'm butch, that I'm gay, or that I'm masculine in a way that very few women are.

Don't choose not to transition for fear of not being able to "live a female life".  If you're female, then your life is female.  It's pretty much as simple as that.

[King Malachite]

My first response is, I say, 'go ahead and do it'.
'Sexless' certainly isn't normal!
But you're only 18 ...going on 19. - Have you even had sex with a woman yet!?
I'd try that route first. - Then you have something to evaluate.
Unless, of course, you're only turned-on by men. - Then I say, go ahead and get a sex change. - In the rear is medically dangerous.

I have seen a documentary on Youtube from a person that has similar ideas about that.  This was geared towards Ftms but it can be applied to Mtfs and estrogen too.  If you want to just hear the comments about that by a couple of people it starts from 6 minutes and 25 seconds to about 8 minutes.

 

I disagree about having to have sex to know who you are.  I'm 19 and a virgin and I am pretty sure of myself and I don't need to make love to a woman or man to make sure I am "sure".  I want horomones.

Just my thought

[ItachiUchiha]

Yeah, I guess you are both right. I guess I'm just scared that people are going to outcast me and it's going to make my life a whole lot more difficult if people can easily tell I'm transsexual and I don't fit in. I just wanna say, I REALLY admire all of you went ahead and did it and are happy, it's awesome that you all are so brave and sure of yourselves. I just need to completely come to terms with who I am, and most likely with the help of a gender therapist since I can't seem to decide for myself haha.

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

Yeah, I guess you are both right. I guess I'm just scared that people are going to outcast me and it's going to make my life a whole lot more difficult if people can easily tell I'm transsexual and I don't fit in. I just wanna say, I REALLY admire all of you went ahead and did it and are happy, it's awesome that you all are so brave and sure of yourselves. I just need to completely come to terms with who I am, and most likely with the help of a gender therapist since I can't seem to decide for myself haha.

That's a good plan.  Seriously.

I was really lucky.  That's a privilege that I've had.  I of course can't guarantee that the same things will happen to you, but a lot of that has to do with you, and you can't hate yourself for what you can't control, yanno?  I don't view it as bravery, I just did what I had to do.