How do you tell if you really want to be a girl?

[Shadowtrail]

I've had a a desire to be a girl since I've been about 8 or so. I've stayed up multiple nights just laying in bed wishing I was a girl. I've also tried to get a feminine voice and such which probably sucks because I've never recorded myself or use it in front of anyone. I just don't know what to do really. My dad was a Army Ranger for 22 years and doesn't agree with it at all, so the way i was raised it just seems like I shouldn't do this. However the desire to be a girl has never gone away and I can't ignore it. I'm just kinda stuck right now I suppose.

[spacial]

Many here understand your situation.

[Tazia of the Omineca]

You know when you feel somebody put to much sugar and spice in your snail shells a puppy dog tails.

[spacecase0]

I agree with the therapist idea,
tell them you need to see a therapist, tell them that something is wrong and that you want to get fixed, let the therapist tell your parents what is going on, they are trained to do that sort of thing,
you are never stuck,
society and others just make you think that you are stuck.

[Alainaluvsu]

Get "diagnosed" with Gender Identity Disorder. Most people hold a professional diagnosis far more valuable than what comes from the heart on these matters.

[Shadowtrail]

That's what I assumed, but I'm currently unemployed and have no insurance so I gotta look around and get this going.

[Alainaluvsu]

Many therapists will see you without insurance and will charge on an ability to pay basis. I saw my therapist for 40 dollars a visit.

[Princess of Hearts]

The word 'disorder' in GID bothers me.    People hear 'disorder' and negative mental health issues come into their minds.

[Shadowtrail]

Well I will do what I can and find a therapist. In the mean time I'm just conflicted about it because of the way I was raised. My mom passed away two years ago and I could kind of talk to her. My dad on the other hand feels like he has failed as a dad and think it's gross and disgusting. So I can't to him about it at all. Which leaves no one else, but me and whatever help I can find. He also says I'll lose him If I do decide to be a girl. It's just hard to deal with and that's why I'm finally taking action. I have already been looking a therapist recently because I really need help. I've tried posting on some forums and stuff also. I'm just at a fork in the road and got to start living my life how I want to, whatever it may be.

[LivingInGrey]

Many therapists will see you without insurance and will charge on an ability to pay basis. I saw my therapist for 40 dollars a visit.

Holy heck!!!

Wish I could find a person to see me for that. I'm looking at about $100 a visit for the few people I've asked.

[Joelene9]

Holy heck!!!

Wish I could find a person to see me for that. I'm looking at about $100 a visit for the few people I've asked.

Ditto! And they are backlogged!
  Joelene

[Karii Cloud]

Mine was/is(stayed with it, even after the letter) @ $50 a session, but I consider finding her lucky. If you look for a local lgbt/trans community group, they may be able to help you find someone. Just my $.02 : )

[MeghanAndrews]

I think you might try to imagine your life as a girl if you can. What do you see? Good? bad? What are you doing? Does it make more sense somehow? I'm trying to think of how you might approach it. I think for me it just boiled down to wanting to live an authentic life and have people see me the same way I felt on the inside. It's hard to explain. I now pretty much tell people, as dismissive or trite as it might seem: "I transitioned because it made more sense to live my life as a girl than a boy. It...just...makes...more...sense." I can tell you that the feeling of "wanting" to be a girl wasn't a familiar feeling, I wasn't comfortable with that feeling growing up at all. I didn't like feeling like an f ing freak, I can tell you that. I wasn't longing to be wearing girl clothes, I was longing to be like every other guy I knew. I felt like gender stuff pretty much made me so different and not in a good way. This was growing up from like 5th gradeish to like teens. Then I just learned to live with it and learned to be "me" no matter how I felt. Um, I'm kinda rambling, sorry! Be you, whatever form you means...girl...boy...etc. Just strive to live honestly and give yourself a foundation to build a happy life Meghan

[Lallie]

Ever since I can remember I was obsessed with femaleness, of which dressing was only a part. The obsession has always presented in me like a wave breaking on the beach, only to break again in a few seconds. I did not know who or what I was, but I wasn't a normal male. On top of my internal shame and confusion, I always felt my body was unmasculine, hairless and too soft and round, with too small a penis. I was uncomfortable with both boys and girls, and was never able to shed a feeling of "wrongness." I felt like a "nonentity," which is a common self-perception of transsexuals.

At this point in my life, finally, I know I'm a "girl" because the idea of having to live as a "boy" any longer makes me tired and angry. I hate to see my male version in the mirror, because it represents so much pain and wasted time. I look upon living in the female gender as finally being able to relax and simply be a person.

Lallie

[ByeBye]

I'm living in boy mode as of January 30th, 2012.

I'm really stressed and I hope I can go back to December if I could.

I'm pretending to be someone I'm not and it is not going too well.

My boy mode feels less natural, more artificial, and less fulfilling than my wonderful time as a girl.

As a girl, I was happier, healthier, less stressed, and more sensitive to peoples' emotions.

Now, I feel miserable, short of breath, stressed and insensitive.

My body can't physically take the stress of a traditionally male role.

I jumped into boy mode last month to "prove" to my family and non-accepting friends and non-accepting psychologist that I'm "not" transsexual, after being persuaded to do so.

Now I'm in school taking computers (okay), gym (I walk the treadmill and do the bikes along with very light (5 lb.) dumbbell lifting), education (lots of females in this class), and Auto Lab (What persuaded me to take this? I should be in Cosmetology or something like that.)

I now owe 2000 dollars for classes I really don't even want to take and now may have to work at a place I may not even like to pay this off.

I applied at my college (alright) as well as White Castle (I was a vegetarian until early January. At spirit, I still am a sympathetic girl and I REALLY want to be a vegetarian, but how many MEN wimp out on beef?). I was sick of being told I didn't eat "real" food.

I'm hoping I get the FIRST job NOT the SECOND.

It's NOT WORKING.

If your soul is a girl, then BE A GIRL. DO NOT LET ANYONE PERSUADE  YOU TO DO OTHERWISE,

[Tori]

Yup.

[Shadowtrail]

Well I've found a therapist for $60 a session. Cheapest I could find that doesn't take insurance. I go to her on Friday. My mind is going insane with everything right now. My job situation and me wanting to go to college and this gender thing. I'm 23 and haven't really done anything with my life and I've only had two jobs. 2 years of work experience is not much to go on. I think maybe I've been living in denial of my feelings. I guess I was just dealing with it by ignoring it, not thinking about it, and trying to pretend it doesn't exist. I'm thinking my mind or me just couldn't bottle up anything anymore and this month has been crazy because it just exploded lol. Thanks for all the responses so far.

[Cadence Jean]

I agree - find a reputable therapist, do some soul-searching, and get in some good experimentation.  Try makeup.  Try girl clothes.  Play around with it.  Have fun.  If you like it and it seems like it's for you, go for it.  I took baby-steps - it took me a year and half of exploring my gender identity before I decided that transition was the only workable solution to the issues that I had with my biological sex.

[Jamie D]

The word 'disorder' in GID bothers me.    People hear 'disorder' and negative mental health issues come into their minds.

I agree, Happy Girl!

I don't think I'm have a mental "disorder."
I sometimes even doubt I am "dysphoric."
Perhaps everybody should be just like me!

[Annah]

Holy heck!!!

Wish I could find a person to see me for that. I'm looking at about $100 a visit for the few people I've asked.

my doc was 60 a visit. We did my therapy through skype. She was very good at her job