Doubts about whether I'll ever be satisfied

[Assoluta]

Hi Assoluta,

IS THAT YOU??!!

Lawdy-doo-dee girl. That is absolutely fantastic. Let me know when you cut a CD. I want one !!

But thank you very much for a very positive, uplifting post. Your openness has inspired me immensely. I'm even seriously re-evaluating some of my attributes I had put aside, thinking they would be inappropriate once transitioned. I'm immensely grateful for your insights.

And I'm serious about that CD. Thank you

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Thanks much, it is indeed me! If you click on the link in my sig, there are more of my songs, I'm not quite famous enough yet to have a CD cut, but we shall see...

Also, I would imagine many cisgendered women will never be satisfied with their bodies - I know a woman who describes herself as being "built like a brick s**thouse" and another who was mortified when she was taken for a man in a pub, another who has trouble having sex because of a narrow pubic bone. Sometimes, remembering that there are others in our position can remind us that we are not alone in our struggles.

[Stephe]

Also, I would imagine many cisgendered women will never be satisfied with their bodies

Nothing to imagine. My sister in fact is anorexic thin and still obsesses about like 1 pound of fat on her tummy, to the point she has lost so much weight you can hardly tell she is a woman. Boobs are gone, face looks 20 years older and has a guys butt now but she still thinks she is fat. She was a beautiful woman before she decided her tummy was too big, which I never noticed.

My point is, don't obsess about details or focus on some small flaws. Everyone has them and trying to correct some small thing could end up creating problems both mentally and physically. We are "A package", work on the easy stuff you know you can change and learn to ignore the stuff you can't.

[EmilyElizabeth]

Well, TS-SI are kinda jerks.


I feel the same about the social/body stuff.

I have that same thing, I'm cool with people on a superficial level, but I haven't made a new friend since I was like... 10 years old. I've just got all this missing time and these experiences that I really don't want to talk about. And after a while people notice that you haven't said anything about yourself, and it's awkward. Bleh. I'm planning to start seeing a therapist, not a GT, after my surgery to try to unlearn some of my bad habits... Especially the feeling scared and anxious all the time, that really has to go. But after surviving 16 years of trauma, being a bit ->-bleeped-<-ed socially is kinda expected, nah? Least I'm sane enough to realize I got issues. Also, I'm getting some damn hobbies. If I can't talk about my life before, at least I can talk about my life now.

As to the body stuff, I'm told it gets better with time. So far this has been my experience. And I cope with the ->-bleeped-<- I can't change by modifying my body in other ways - getting my tongue pierced next. My flesh might be a bit messed up, but at least it's MINE now. I don't feel like it's just a shell I walk around in anymore.

And finally I remember to remember what it was like before I transitioned. I need to slow down and learn to stop expecting everything to happen all at once and celebrate the victories as they come. Every time I bitch about this stuff to my family and friends, they are like... wait, wait you've been living as a girl how long now? Seven months? Then they roll their eyes. That helps.

That's all I got, sorry.

No need for apologies, this is basically exactly how I feel.  And that is a very helpful way to look at it too, since I've been living as a girl about 8 months myself, so I shouldn't expect to be a master of it just yet.  The first couple months I was still on the high of FINALLY being able to present the way that I feel, so it's understandable that I might be feeling this way now.  All the excitement had me blinded to how much I still have to learn, but I'm starting to feel more integrated every day, so progress is certainly being made.  Just gotta take it one day at a time and at least enjoy how much better my life is now than it was before transitioning.  I'm also finally REALLY starting to appreciate my appearance, which is something I can say I NEVER experienced before, so I'm going in the right direction.