help :(

[Elsa.G]

for the longest time i have not been able to sleep because my mind races at night, it's like all the things that i try to avoid during the day (if i can) just come out at night with a vengeance... so much so that sometimes i am awake for 2 or 3 days straight. They are mostly attacks of dysphoria by the way, i feel my heart racing and my pamls get sweaty... i also feel nausea at times and it mostly has to do with the fact that i am not where i want to be. I try to cope with this problem as best as i can but even with a therapist im not doing so great. I have to take a shower at night with the lights off and just a little creak of light from the hallway, i dress with my eyes closed and sometimes i can go days without looking at myself in the mirror. It's all due to this F***in dysphoria. It's driving me insane and i cannot help but to think of suicide. I dont know what else to do, i am tired of feeling trapped and helpless i hate who and what i am, the majority of the time i feel like i just want to hide under a rock and never come out. The disgust and hatred for myself and especially my body has driven me to the edge and i feel like im starting to slip. What can i do?

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Elsa,
OK, before your state escalates to unmanageable proportions, particularly since you are experiencing sleep deprivation, you need to contact your therapist IMMEDIATELY and schedule an appointment NOW. Not next week. He needs to see you immediately in order to bring some control and stability into your life.

Sleep deprivation alone will cause irrational behaviour and inappropriate decisions.

If the therapist is not immediately available, you need to contact a suicide counselling facility in order to make some sense out of your perspective, and at least bring some order into your current situation. This must be done as an utmost urgent and immediate priority. Anything else can stand aside.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are coping

Be safe. well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Felix]

Hi Elsa,
OK, before your state escalates to unmanageable proportions, particularly since you are experiencing sleep deprivation, you need to contact your therapist IMMEDIATELY and schedule an appointment NOW. Not next week. He needs to see you immediately in order to bring some control and stability into your life.

Sleep deprivation alone will cause irrational behaviour and inappropriate decisions.

If the therapist is not immediately available, you need to contact a suicide counselling facility in order to make some sense out of your perspective, and at least bring some order into your current situation. This must be done as an utmost urgent and immediate priority. Anything else can stand aside.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are coping

Be safe. well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Elsa I struggle with this all the time, the sleep part and the anxiety, and I love my body. My physical form is deeply wrong and I'm working on correcting it, but it's all I've got. I mostly have a handle on the dysphoria of daily life.

Sometimes I have nightmares though. I have panic attacks and flashbacks, and a lot of ongoing external stressors. When this gets intense and I let it get to me, I get tired. I get too skinny, too clumsy, too careless. I make stupid mistakes. You have to find a way to be okay enough to sleep. It's not your fault your body is wrong. It's not your fault at all and it doesn't change who you are. The misconfiguration is just something that happened. Bad stuff happens sometimes. Find another direction for your disgust and hatred. You aren't being fair to yourself.

[Felix]

Also please stay online and talking to people if you still feel that bad. There are worse things you could be doing, and sometimes people here can be really cool.

[justmeinoz]

I'll repeat what Catherine said.  Talk to your Therapist,  or anyone else available locally to you, NOW and tell them EXACTLY   what you are going through.   They are trained to help, but they need you to tell them how bad things are at the moment. Just doing that will help you feel more in control. 
We are all with you sister, we have been there too and you can get through this.   Please let us know how you are doing.

Karen.
 

[Stephe]

I went through a bout of insomnia years ago, mine was related to drug withdrawal and like others said I became completely irrational after 2 nights of zero sleep. I went to a therapist who prescribed something so I could -sleep-. After a couple of night of sound sleep, I felt totally different about things. That is what you need to focus on first.

[Felix]

I kinda feel stupid admitting this, but I'm going on 9 days of nightmares (none last night because I slept very little and only out of sheer exhaustion) and I finally asked a friend to come stay with me for a night. I think with someone here I won't wake up yelling and I'd rather complicate my relationship with this person than deal with any more sleep deprivation.

Life throws absurd stuff at us. Just find ways to accept it and keep going.

[Cindy]

Going with the others have said get to talk to a therapist or go to the ER at the local hospital and explain to them.  There are phone numbers for suicide/depression agencies in the announcement section for several countries. Phone them and talk.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Elsa,

One more thing I forgot to mention which is just as important. If YOU can't contact the people mentioned ; ER, therapist, suicide facilities, etc; Please ask someone else to do it for you. A friend, family member, next door neighbour, stranger, PM someone here. Tell them it is urgent and needs to be done immediately.

I pray you are currently asleep and resting.

Please keep in touch, it's important for us all; and let us know how you are coping

Lotsa huggs
Catherine