Quote from: Shantel on February 22, 2012, 12:50:02 PM
I had an orchiectomy ten or so years ago and went for two years without any hormones, it caused my thyroid to practically flatline and I was one sick puppy for a length of time until I got back on estrogen.
im in a weird area with my gender identity stuff . when i look in the mirror without my shirt on i feel happy with my flat chest and dont feel like anyhting missing . and if i were to take hormones i feel like id be hiding my breasts decevelopment instead of accentuating it like a genetic woman or transwoman . Despite this i feel just as gender dysmphoric about the male features in my face and really want ffs , and absolutely hate facial hair which ive had most of it cleared . but i used to cry about it coming in when it started to in my teens and wont touch my face i i can feel any hair on it because it literally digustins me
i wish there was some way i could get some of the results of hormones the softer skin slower body hair growth etc but without the stuff i dont want i.e breast development / loss of male sex drive etc
i defiantly dont define myself as a crossdresser becuase for me there is no sexual reason at all for why i present as feminine/ wear whats traditionally thought of as " womens" clothing . and i hate presenting as mauscline/ wearing mens clothes and aviod it even in interviews for jobs that are more conservative ill just dress closer over the the less feminine and more androgynous ous in womens pants and a button up shirt .
utlimately i want to get FFs finish off my hair removal etc .
in a way i feel sometimes that i wish i was fully transexual instead of just some somewhere on the transgender spectrum because then i could just take a full dose of hormones and it would instantly get rid of all the fears of the negative things testorome does . body hair , male pattern balding ( i dont think its in my family/ genetic , but im still terrified ) and then i would like the breasts development loss of male libido and other things that if i were to take hormones with how i am mentally as i am id see as " side affects "
but then i have the benefits of being how i am where i dont have to stress about things like voice having to try and blend and pass as a " genetic woman" being stealth etc becuase despite the face its very important to in being and looking feminine for me being visibality gender varient amongst my social circles and people i work with doesnt bother me whatsoever ( but to strangers in the street that just happen to walk past me / glipse me . id rather just be id'd as female for safety reasons/ to aviod abuse )
i often feel like in the transgender community its hard to express myself with these things becuase a lot of transexual women dont understand or look down on people who identify like i do but on the other hand i can understand someone who is fully transexuals wants srs etc , becuase i also have strong gender dysmphoria about parts of my biological gender just not to the extent of a ' transexual woman"
sorry for the long type up . just though i should explain myself a bit

and explain why i would be hesistant to go on a full HRT