Vent

[JustAnotherTrans]

Just needed to vent about some stuff that's been happening:
I'll start off with today, when I went to Cadets to sign up, and one of the Navy guy there asked me and my sister if we were brother and sister's, at that point I was partly having a anxiety attack, and my sister went and said that I was her sister. I hit her and looked down. Then later, my other sister talked to me about it in the car, and said that I'll always be their sister, even if I do have surgery and start testosterone. She had to bring up that I was a girly girl as a kid (nothing really to say about that, I never had the choice at what I wore or how I had my hair, and when I wanted to wear daggier, comfortable clothes I got in trouble and got told by my sister's that they'd burn the clothes), and that I will never be able to erase that I was born female and whatnot. I'm so mad at them, and I don't think they'll never understand how I feel. I can't start testosterone, even if I do gender counselling, because I'll never get permission by my parents. I guess I'll just have to keep dreaming, because that's as close as I'll get. I wish you didn't get labelled a gender before you don't even know it yourself. I wish I could say to my sister that the whole point I have agoraphobia is because I'm scared of talking, or being with someone I know because they'll out me instantly. My sister also said that, I can't handle the hormones I have now so how can I handle male hormones?
I wish I could just die, it's so hard to live my life day to day, so how can I live life everyday, every year...when it's not even worth it.
I want to enjoy life, because this is the only life I have, why does this have to ruin everything?

[Gretchen]

Not sure what Cadets is but you have got to be close to eighteen and when you get to that age you'll be main lineing T in no time.   Hang in there, everything happens when it is suppose to happen. Maybe in time your sisters will get it and realize they got a bother.


The Navy guy thought you were a guy, how cool is that. Just a side note here I do not think the military allows TS, not sure on that so exercise caution with military folk.

[schism]

cadets is basically a youth group based around military training that can precede signing up to the army, navy or air force.  i attended army cadets from the age of thirteen to fourteen.  you can join at twelve and continue going until you're nearly nineteen.   

is there any way you could talk to a school counsellor, just?  they may be able to offer you at least some emotional support and possibly avenues you haven't considered. 

[JustAnotherTrans]

@ Schism: I'm doing open access college (school at home) so I'd have no luck in that.

@ Gretchen: I'm 15, so I won't be 18 for another 2 years and 10 months. I don't think I can wait that long.

[schism]

when i felt like i really needed support i searched for local lgbt networks in my area.  i managed to find a local support group and through that arranged to meet with the organiser who met with me for a brew and a chat, which really helped me feel better about where i was mentally and emotionally.  try searching online for something similar in your town.  you might be able to find a drop in or someone just willing to offer you some support.  it's difficult when our families can't be there in the capacity we need.  how old are your sisters?  they sound pretty young still... teenagers can be spiteful.  and to be honest, when you're fifteen, a couple of years sounds like an eternity, but it goes incredibly fast. 

[JustAnotherTrans]

My sister's are 21 and 27. I also have 3 other brother's who are older then me. Sucks to be the youngest.

[Gretchen]

I don't know if this is a good idea but you could keep driving the point home that you are TS to your parents and they may cave in after they have had enough of hearing you. Don't give up and never surrender.

[schism]

ok, well give them time.  it's a big adjustment to make, and people prefer to assume that it's just a phase.  when they see you're serious about it, their attitude may shift. 

[JustAnotherTrans]

As much as I'd love to talk more about being TS to them, I seem to lose my voice more then 99% of the time when it's about something important to me.
Maybe I'll be able to find my voice soon.

[nickm1492]

I don't know how good of an idea this is. But there is a book written by an Australian author.
http://www.amazon.com/f2m-the-boy-within-ebook/dp/B003TXS6A6/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1329833928&sr=8-2
It's called F2M: The Boy Within It's a really great book. And it's like your situation. The parent's, well at least one of them aren't wanting to accept things. My mom was reading it yesterday. She hasn't told me anything about it but she was acting a little different. Saying things different in a positive way. Though she has been supportive but it's baby steps in a great direction.

Maybe them reading this and seeing things in a positive light will help them understand your situation better It might even give YOU hope

[nickm1492]

As much as I'd love to talk more about being TS to them, I seem to lose my voice more then 99% of the time when it's about something important to me.
Maybe I'll be able to find my voice soon.

There are many ways to get your point across. Not all include talking. You could write them a letter. And then once it's out, talk to them about it. Write one of them an e-mail. Also, I don't know if there is an organization called PFLAG in Australia but you should look for support groups that might be able to help you with this! There are many options but most importantly is doing this when it feel RIGHT for you

[JustAnotherTrans]

@ Nick: What I can read of the book so far, it looks really great, and I'll see if I can order it tomorrow. I also looked if their is PFLAG in Australia, their is, but none anywhere near me. I've also been thinking of writing what I want to say to them for a while, but I never seem to get around to it.

[nickm1492]

@ Nick: What I can read of the book so far, it looks really great, and I'll see if I can order it tomorrow. I also looked if their is PFLAG in Australia, their is, but none anywhere near me. I've also been thinking of writing what I want to say to them for a while, but I never seem to get around to it.

I know how that is. Not getting around to things! But the transition issues never seem to leave your head. It sucks. I have a suggestion. Call PFLAG and see if they know of any close support groups. Usually, these people have good networking skills and can help you out with this.

[nickm1492]

I wish I could just die, it's so hard to live my life day to day, so how can I live life everyday, every year...when it's not even worth it.
I want to enjoy life, because this is the only life I have, why does this have to ruin everything?

Death is NEVER the best option. Life has dealt us some pretty complicated cards. But trust me, you are still young. Especially when you need your parents permission to start. That's a GOOD thing. If you think about it, many of the trans guys on YouTube start from 19+ years old. And look how amazing they end up looking. I know that waiting sucks. But trust me, once you start feeling comfortable in your own skin, and are able to start your own life, you'll be the happiest person ever!
PLUS! YOU LIVE IN AUSTRALIA! From what I know you can be in the military and trans over there!!!!!!! (Plus you were trying to do the cadets thing so maybe you're interested?) Joining the military will give you a freedom you don't have now. Travel the world and get away from the sisters who are being cruel to you.

You probably don't have long before you're a legal adult. Start looking into things that excite you. Plan out what you want out of life. Make it a goal. And hopefully it gives you the hope you need. You will be on the hormones before you know it.

[King Malachite]

ok, well give them time.  it's a big adjustment to make, and people prefer to assume that it's just a phase.  when they see you're serious about it, their attitude may shift.

Schism is right.  A lot of people do like to think is a phase.  The best way to combat this is to not blow up and to stay calm while dealing with them because when you blow up, you give them the edge to say "and this is why you don't need hormones" or "this is why you  shouldn't transition" or "you are being a bitch which just makes you a girl" (yes I've heard that before), or any other thing.  While attitudes can shift in the future, agree to disagree with your sisters when they tell you that things that may upset you and do it in a calming and professional manner.  Hang in there sir. You can get through with this.

[nickm1492]

Schism is right.  A lot of people do like to think is a phase.  The best way to combat this is to not blow up and to stay calm while dealing with them because when you blow up, you give them the edge to say "and this is why you don't need hormones" or "this is why you  shouldn't transition" or "you are being a bitch which just makes you a girl" (yes I've heard that before), or any other thing.  While attitudes can shift in the future, agree to disagree with your sisters when they tell you that things that may upset you and do it in a calming and professional manner.  Hang in there sir. You can get through with this.

These guys are completely right. A couple of weeks ago I was in a terrible mood. One night my mother got sick of it and we both blew up. Words were said that shouldn't have been. Long story short, I got told this was why I shouldn't be on testosterone. It would only make me more aggressive. I just feel so trapped and angry sometimes. That is why I got like that. The best thing you can do is show how mature you are and not blow up. It will work so much in your benefit!

[JustAnotherTrans]

Thanks guys, for everything. This is really boosting my confidence.
Blowing up is probably the reason why my sister said I won't be able to handle male hormones. I'll have to try not to lose it like I usually do.

[kelly_aus]

I thought it would be worth mentioning that you are able to make medical decisions for yourself when you are 16 here in Australia..

[JustAnotherTrans]

@ Kelly_aus: I looked it up, and from what I saw, it's true. But when I look up stuff about starting testosterone, I see you have to have parental consent if your not 18 or older. I'm going to look into this more.