Hi, another welcome to susans, from across that little pond on the other side (Dutchie
)
Your story of being terrified that your body is becoming manly is very very recognizable, I suffer from it aswell. Especially the last 3 years (I'm 27) have been so straining and intensified my wish to do it now before it's too late. At our age passability and finding a place in society is very important and because most of the time I already feel like an outcast because of how I present myself and feel it seems like this my final chance of feeling at ease. I came out at 18 to a psychologist and a few months later to my mom and went into gender-counseling at 21 for a few years before I took a 'break' ( I thought I could live with androgynous elements)
The last 2 years I contacted them again to talk and discuss further treatment and they've been very positive, sadly each time I look in the mirror I think "This will never work, testosterone is winning :\"
I think for a lot of us your own perception is really starting to get twisted after so many years...I mean I have good self-reflection about how I mentally behave and what things I am good and not good at but when it's about bodily issues or how I present my gender-identity I have some sort of 'anorexic girl' idea: I don't really see the feminity in my body, or I do see things about my body that other people don't
Sigh, I guess you know what I mean, it's good to share it in the end and you are at a good place for that
