sigh. i don't know what to do

[keinEngel]

My fiance is a tgirl. He was like that when we met, lately he's been HIM. i have fallen deeper in love with him As a man than i ever could her. He gets so upset when i get upset when he changes.  But he doesn't understand how i feel. it seems like he Cares nothing about anything but Being pretty and passing. He don't seem to care about how it hurts me or any of the rest of hiS family. Don't care about how i see the change in personality, especially when it comes to him getting extremely snappy with or son. he Don't care about how its going to affect our kids or anything. i feel like he don't want me when hes in girl mode, in fact it sends like he wants to attract attention from other women, and make them feel sorry for him because i get upset.

I feel as though he has no regard for my feelings, a he is two totally different people in girl mode vs boy mode. Boy mode he is an amazing man and great daddy and husband, but girl mode he Is snappy irritable bitch that cares nothing about anyone. Then he gets pissed off because i don't want to deal with that... And gets pissed of and hurt when i don't feel like having sex with him in girl mode after he threats me like I'm nothing  and my opinion and feelings don't matter. I love him and i plan on staying with him, as a matter of fact we plan to get married on Halloween. I just want him to see the difference in how he treats me and stop.

Plus he has been so back and forth with it that I don't think he even really knows what he is. He keeps coming up with reasons why he don't want to be a girl anymore, like recently, it was a 'sexual kink'. Then a few weeks ago he was thinking he is more androgynous than Trans.


I an so confused i could scream! Someone please help!

[prettypoly86]

When do you discuss your feelings regarding this transition?   While he*  is in girl mode, when tensions are already high? Or in a neutral setting?  All too often it is easy to be hurt and misunderstood while in the heat of the moment. 

Have either of you seen a therapist? It seems like not only are you navigating the personality changes, but the uncertainty of how he identifies.

I may have more input later on, I had just come across this while on lunch and wanted to flesh out a bit kore of where your dialogue is at.


*using male pronouns to match the OP wording

[Jamie D]

Angel, as in any other relationship, keeping open the lines of communication is very important.

Your fiancee sounds like s/he has not fully figured our her/his gender issues yet.  It is sometimes a sad fact that the transgendered partner gets pretty focused on themselves.  From what you describe, it us possible the s/he is genderfluid.

I can safely say that, if your partner is not in therapy, s/he needs to be there, especially if there is a child involved.  I believe you said that you already have a son together.  Perhaps couples or family therapy might be good for the both of you.   It is important that you both work out issues now.