What is life really like?

[Stephe]

So my life as a transsexual... Sad, Lonley, Punctuated by bookends of discrimination and hate. But better than a miserable non-exsistence as the chew toy of my gender dysphora.

I'm sorry you have had to deal with this, my experience has been almost a 180 of this.

I've had to deal with very little hostility, I was actually asked to be an elder at my church which is NOT a gay church, most of the members are cis older people. A few people were cold at first but once they got to know me have become very friendly. I'm a Much kinder sweeter person than I was before. I have a much larger circle of friends and feel they these newer friends are much for loving people. The friends I still have, I only lost a couple, are much closer friends now.

Anyone who tries to threaten/dehumanize me I roll my eyes and walk away/ignore their rants. Even at my worst tranniness, I rarely had a negative comment thrown my way. I quickly learned self confidence or the lack thereof has a big influence on being treated as a punching bag or not. I guess to I don't let something some random redneck over the years has said to me get under my skin. There probably have been a dozen times over the last 10 years someone said something nasty to me, water off a ducks back. This person is an ignorant fool, why should I care what their opinion about me is anymore than I care about their political views or religious beliefs?

As far as my love life, once I transitioned, I was happy with myself and found a wonderful guy who I have fallen in love with. We have been seeing each other for 3+ years and we both feel we have found our soul mate. Previous to this transition, I hadn't really dated anyone in 20+ years.

Honestly if I had to deal with the hostility and abuse you describe, I'd be looking for a new place to live or change something. Life is too short to live in some place full of hostile bigots.

I don't know if this has to do with my age? I'm 52. I lived as a VERY openly trans person from age 40-48ish, slowly getting more fem and started living full time around age 48. Just this year have started HRT etc. 

It also might have to do with I don't feel being trans is a curse. It just is and I'm not going to let this destroy my life. I feel in many ways it has enhanced my life.

And on the 10-1 violent death, if you remove the girl playing the "I'm not gonna tell them my past" and then discovery homophobic attacks, I wonder what the stats are? The vast majority of attacks and deaths (not all but most) seem to follow the stealth/discovery theme. That's a VERY dangerous game to play. The other part is the trans girls who don't understand they have lost their male privilege, they do things no women in their right mind would do, putting themselves in a BAD place at a BAD time that would probably be fine for a man but bad news for a woman. And lets not discount the number of trans women worldwide in the sex trade, that is a dangerous activity too. I'm not saying this is right or "they deserve what happened" but the facts are a lot of trans people are doing dangerous things.

[pebbles]

If it was just distant opinions that would be fine an oddity that never effected my life but the exsistence of these bigoted pepole significantly alters your perception of the world when they arn't just faceless nobodies but they are instead.
1: Your employer
2: Your landlord
Or very physically real pepole who confront you in the street and will threaten to attack you or not let you past.

It's difficult to heal when you see these same pepole not only get away with hurting you but renacting the events over and over again and begin free to get away with it.

[Bird]

Stephe: From what I gathered of your post, it took you 8 years to go full time. I did it in 6 months after I decided to transition. I think this has to do with it.

I let my dysphoria hit skyhigh levels before doing anything about it and when I got my senses back, it was so extremely hurtful to be called by my male name or a he by my friends that I had to step away from them. After some therapy, I got over that kind of thing, but not before losing a few acquaitances (sp? lol). Granted, those who have remained friends, are closer to me now, I'm making new friends, am more open to people, and all that.

I just wish to say that, usually, the quicker and more mind blowing a transition is, more traumatic it is to everyone, I think.

[Stephe]

I just wish to say that, usually, the quicker and more mind blowing a transition is, more traumatic it is to everyone, I think.

I think that is very true. I wasn't like a guy one day and a woman the next. It was a slow progression from one gender to the other for me.

[Alainaluvsu]

The more confusing a change, the more you have to show them that the change is real. It's very unrealistic to expect somebody who has known you for 20 years + to just understand you to be the opposite gender. Especially if you've been covering it up your entire life by masculinizing yourself.

[Cadence Jean]

It's good for the majority.  There are some diehards that I work with who see me in guy mode on occasion, so it's harder for them to let go.  They seem to be making an effort though.  My family is a mixed bag, but they try, and that's plenty good in my book.   With time and exposure to me in girl mode, I'm sure they'll catch on.

How was the pronoun change thing for you and your friends, Cadence?

[Cadence Jean]

I don't find trans being a curse at all.  It might be for you, but not this transgirl.  I'm proud of who I am.  I wouldn't change anything that made me who I am now, because I love myself now.  It's enabled me to experience things that very few get to experience.  I have insight that few people have.  Being trans is a blessing for me, not a curse.  I've taken the bad of that blessing with the good, and the good far outweighs the bad for me.

Yeah begin a transsexual is a curse and I profoundly disagree with anyone who says anything else but ignoring such a curse ISN'T really an answer. Especally if you know you won't ever be happy like that.

[Julie Wilson]

There are some diehards that I work with who see me in guy mode on occasion, so it's harder for them to let go.  They seem to be making an effort though. 

You are still in guy-mode on occasion?  If so, probably you need to let go of that before they will be more accepting.

[Stephe]

You are still in guy-mode on occasion?  If so, probably you need to let go of that before they will be more accepting.

Yes, until you present consistently, I would not expect anyone to switch back and forth how they perceive you. Like would you be OK if they were calling you her and she when you're in guy mode in front of strangers?

[Cadence Jean]

Yep, I'm not fulltime yet.  I only do guymode for work.  I'm not hard on these individuals - I understand that there's some cognitive dissonance for them.  Those who primarily know me in girl mode, who see me in guy mode, have cognitive dissonance too.   For me, I'm just ultra-butch in guy mode.  It makes sense that not everyone would see it that way.

Yes, until you present consistently, I would not expect anyone to switch back and forth how they perceive you. Like would you be OK if they were calling you her and she when you're in guy mode in front of strangers?

[spacial]

If it was just distant opinions that would be fine an oddity that never effected my life but the exsistence of these bigoted pepole significantly alters your perception of the world when they arn't just faceless nobodies but they are instead.
1: Your employer
2: Your landlord
Or very physically real pepole who confront you in the street and will threaten to attack you or not let you past.

It's difficult to heal when you see these same pepole not only get away with hurting you but renacting the events over and over again and begin free to get away with it.

I am truly sorry to hear that Pebbles. as with others, I know you to be a valid and decent person who doesn't deserve these bigots.

I do hope you can find ways to exclude these silly people from your life, soon.

[Julie Wilson]

My dad has given me so much junk about how "if i go down this [transgendered] path im going to lose all my friends and someone will kill me" how many how you ladies have had such experiences? losing friends death threats OR being attacked at all? I honestly dont think i can handle it if it is true so how is life REALLY like as a MTF?

It's true I was killed right off the bat.  I didn't really have any friends who knew me, none of them knew me because they were only familiar with the persona I lived behind.  It wasn't worth it to convince those people who thought they new me that wasn't actually "him" and their first impressions prevented them from ever being able to know her.  So for me far better to make new friends.  They say there are lots of fish in the sea referring to potential partners, so multiply that times a hundred and that's how many potential friends there are.

[azSam]

To answer the original post directly: I have not lost a single friend, nor have I received any death threats

[mementomori]

my mother is potentially giving me the money for FFS and my grandparents are even supportive too , so ive been lucky in that sense , of course its still stressfull having all the burdens of not being normal trying to afford electroylises etc etc feeling uncomfortable within my skin . im glad i have a supportive family becuase having all these personal issues plus family dramas on top of it and exlusions from family . i dont think i could personally handle it

it must take a very strong person to deal with all of this plus deal with it alone and come out of top of it / aright

[Gretchen]

It really can be hard at times, but it's a lot better than the alternative.

[mementomori]

I have not lost any of my friends.  I'm closer to them now.  I've gained about a billion more friends.  I have not lost any family members either, except my crazy religious zealot grandmother on my dad's side.  We hardly saw each other anyway, so it works for me that her bigotry isn't in my life.  I'm closer now with my mother than I have been since I was a child.  I'm also good friends with my ex-wife now - totally unexpected.

As for physical violence, I've never been accosted.  I try to keep a companion with me if out in the city at night, but that's good advice for any woman.  If I'm alone, I stay in well lit areas.  I do keep pepper spray in my bag.  Really, I've even had very few instances of derogatory comments.  Like, three times in about nine months of presenting female in many different public spaces.

YMMV.

i get a lot of derogatory comments / stares / yells from cars etc

but im also goth so i guess the gender varience plus a alternaltive appearance is a lot to take/ process for a lot of the public