To call or write

[Penny Gurl]

Well here I stand, looking down the road ahead of me, the time has come to start "spreading the word" as it was, I have an endo apt in three weeks and have been trying to go over if it would be better to tell my Mom over the phone or in a letter.  It seems like if I write things down I can "control" the conversation, but I don't want to come off cold and impersonal.  I've been dreading this moment most of my life for the simple reason that I don't want to break my Mom's heart.  I'm currently in the process of ending my marriage and  for some reason  I think that news is going to be easier to break to her.  I don't want her to get overloaded with too much too soon, but I can't ... rather I don't want to have to keep this from her any longer.  So... exposition finished... What has worked better?  A phone call or letter?  Any advise is warmly welcomed.

~p~

[rachl]

I went with writing, followed afterwards by a call. I think that this was definitely the best way to go for me: it allowed my mom some time to process the information on her own before the phone call (during which she still cried pretty much non-stop...it was hard).

Since I'm an academic writer, my writing style is naturally "impersonal," so I shared the same worry that you have. But I tried to make it as personal as possible, and I think I succeeded. Just focus on having a written dialogue (even though it's all you speaking), rather than just "telling" her a bunch of things. Try to anticipate the sorts of questions she'll have at various points, and then insert your answer. Then get on to your next point, or continuing the narrative.