Potentially Being Held Back By Sister? Long Rant and Ramble

[King Malachite]

I really couldn't think of a shorter and better title so please forgive me for that.  As most everyone would know by now I have came out to one sister on being transgendered and you can read that here https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=115120.0 .

What I didn't mention was that her and I had plans on going into business.  We had an idea that could potentially lead to big bucks.  I was going to stay around pre-transition to see if we get this business going and when I got my share of the money I would use that to move and go towards transition and surgeries etc.  I'm a realist so my backup plan is to just work my butt off for the next couple of years until I could become financially stable enough to start a new life as male.

However, I was sensing that she was going to take her sweet time trying to get this thing off the ground on purpose.  I know we have a bunch of research to do but it seems like it could go a bit faster.  I kind of felt that she was doing this on purpose so I would stay longer because she knows that I want to move out of state and maybe to potentially transition.   This "sense" was confirmed tonight.

She did admit that she thought about it because she wanted me to stay around family.  My other sister and my mom also wants me to stay around and my father acts like he has no faith that I could move out of state one day.  I told him that I may want to move out of the country within the next 10-20 years and he said that he wish I would stop talking crazy and be realistic.  I told him that I'm just beginning with an end in mind and he ignored that part basically.  My mom told me that she doesn't want me to go.  My sister told me tonight that because I'm the youngest child I need to stay with my mom forever.  What kind of thinking is that?  It's not fair that I have to stay here while they can live their lives and I have to stay here since everyone else has moved out and if I don't then I'm the bad guy.

So my sister finally asked me why I wanted to move out so much and I said, "Well you know that I told you that I'm trans so I want to move out to transition because I know no one in the family would give me any support."  She just looked at me and laughed and said that she should maybe reconsider this deal and I told her that I was expecting that she would say that.  I asked her if she wanted to call the deal off and she something like"no you will just have to take yourself in account with God." whatever that means.  I'm thinking it means that it's something I will just have to deal with God on but I feel like she was saying it in a negative way but I'm not sure.  Then she told me that I should just be happy with who I am and I told her that I will be happy once I do this and that was pretty much the end of our convo about that.


That statement made me feel horrible and actually question my spirituality and if what I plan on doing was right for a minute as if I was going to hell because of it.  I want to do this business with her since it may be within my time frame of staying. However, if I have saved up enough money to move out of state and she STILL is slowing around then I will just have to walk away from it no matter how much amount of money could be in it and now that she knows my hidden agenda from moving out ( makes me sound like a villian lol) what is there to stop her for moving even slower?  She may just change her mind about doing this business with me in the future.

Transitioning is something I want badly and I am willing to accept the fact that I will sacfifice my family and even my life for it because the way I see it now, I am already dead.  This man who lives inside of me is screaming and wants out yet no one hears him.  He wants needs a "rebirth".  I'm just all out of whack right now because she just makes me feel even more confused about myself.

[jessman3]

The argument from western religions that transitioning is blasphemic is usually based around the idea that we think God made a mistake. I don't view my trans* status a mistake any more than someone with downs syndrome or a cleft pallette is a mistake. It is simply a challenge God has put before me. I try not to question the reasons (though admittedly depression can wither faith at times) but I could not believe in a God who would want anyone who live in that amount of pain and not seek help. My gender dysphoria is not a mental defect, it is a physical one- one that I am thankful to have the ability to fix. God sees people for who they are inside anyway, why would He care what your body looks like outside?

[King Malachite]

The argument from western religions that transitioning is blasphemic is usually based around the idea that we think God made a mistake. I don't view my trans* status a mistake any more than someone with downs syndrome or a cleft pallette is a mistake. It is simply a challenge God has put before me. I try not to question the reasons (though admittedly depression can wither faith at times) but I could not believe in a God who would want anyone who live in that amount of pain and not seek help. My gender dysphoria is not a mental defect, it is a physical one- one that I am thankful to have the ability to fix. God sees people for who they are inside anyway, why would He care what your body looks like outside?

That's how I feel.  I'm not trying to challenge religion or anyone.  I just want to be happy and I deserve to be.  She or no one else around me has been in my shoes so they don't know how I feel and to be held back in part because of it is not right.

[Darth_Taco]

I remember struggling with this and my religious beliefs when I first had to come to terms for this whole thing. Fortunately it lasted about 5 seconds because of a realization I had many years ago :'P. God does not give us life simply to be miserable. We're all different from one another and must all follow different paths in our lives (hence so many different religions). So that's how I know that if I'm going to hell, it's not gonna be for this. It's more likely I'm headed there for the constant internet trolling I do :'P.

[onep1ece7]

there is also somewhere in the bible that states something along the lines of "we should leave earth the way we came into it"..meaning basically we should not change our bodies...but I just don't believe that..for one, think of all the people with cancer who have to have organs removed?  plus I have had my appendix removed so supposedly I am already screwed according to the bible...I think we all can interpret what is in the bible differnet, just like I don't think god made a mistake, I think I was born to be a transman, end of story...

[Inkwe Mupkins]

Well I don't believe in god and such and that we were meant to be trans but if that's your mojo than so be it... I believe in rebirth, think Buddhism.

I am a female because in a past life I raped a female and I am born into this body to know the pain of being female socially, physically, etc. My mother is unloving because in my past life my mother loved me dearly and I refused to see it, I didn't acknowledge her so now I must know what it is truly like to be unloved by a mother. My brothers are violent and drug-addicts...in my past life I was the drug-addict, I was the violent one, I was born into this circumstance so that I may feel what I dealt to others.

IDK, it makes sense to me. I am being punished for something I did even though I may not remember it, but I did it. And if I treat people with kindness and compassion then my life in the here and now will improve and in my next life it will also improve...I will be born into the right body and I will have a loving family even though I won't remember this life. What I do to my enemy today will be done to me tomorrow.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Well I don't believe in god and such and that we were meant to be trans but if that's your mojo than so be it... I believe in rebirth, think Buddhism.

I am a female because in a past life I raped a female and I am born into this body to know the pain of being female socially, physically, etc. My mother is unloving because in my past life my mother loved me dearly and I refused to see it, I didn't acknowledge her so now I must know what it is truly like to be unloved by a mother. My brothers are violent and drug-addicts...in my past life I was the drug-addict, I was the violent one, I was born into this circumstance so that I may feel what I dealt to others.

Curious.  What past life experience do you think caused your mother to be unloving?  your brothers violent and drug addicts?

[King Malachite]

God does not give us life simply to be miserable. We're all different from one another and must all follow different paths in our lives (hence so many different religions).  :'P.

+1  That's how I feel I'm headed with concerns of spirituality.  I was watching a guy on Youtube saying nearly the same thing.

@onep1ece7  I see what you are saying about changing bodies and that life-threatening things. Otherwise there would be more deaths if people refused these because of beliefs.

@Inkwe it makes perfect sense to me.  I do believe in past lives and think I probably did something so horrible back then to deserve this but not exactly what though but I do have an opportunity to be back into the body I was supposed to be in my next life.  Gosh I hope I don't remember this life by that time.