I felt like a freak

[ZeldaHeart]

Yesterday I went to the transgender center which I go to have my hormone levels checked, get refills, and ask questions and stuff.  It was the first time I went there in about 13 months.  Last time I went I was not full time and was okay with that.  Now I've been full time for 4 months and have not been openly clocked once.  Guys have hit on me hardcore, asked my number, and other girls just assume I was born a girl.  Everything's gone so smoothly!  I went to the transgender center two days ago.  My mom called me "him" and he" there, which is the first time she's called me that publically in forever   Then some of the other lgbt people who were there stared at me when they were leaving the door, thinking I couldn't see them.  I'm sure they were trying to see if I was trans or not (since a lot of other trans people go there).  Also, this was the first time I had to openly discuss my trans status since going full time.  It really just made me feel like a "->-bleeped-<-" and not like a girl for a moment.  Have you ever gone through this?  Remember that you're trans again, when you normally feel like a girl?

[Joeyboo~ :3]

->-bleeped-<- POWER.

[Keaira]

Yep. All. The. F*&%ing. Time!
My wife does it constantly and then there are the douche bags at work who cant get it though their thick skulls and their feeble minds that John no longer exists. It irks me to no end. Even more so with my wife because she should know better. I mean she might as well start out with "Hey, this is my Husband, I know he looks like a woman but he isnt. Just wishes he was one..."

GRRRRR!

[Tazia of the Omineca]

Yup I get it at school almost 100% of the time.
My principal calls me Taz, some of my friends call my Zylphia, most people call me Thomas though.
I really don't like going to school for this reason, I mean... it make me uncomfortable...

[justmeinoz]

Maybe they were wondering whether you really trans, Zelda, or a cis-lesbian?
As for names, I just ignored people until they got it right, then answered them as if they had spoken to me for the first time.

Karen.

[Rabbit]

I think the issue is you simply aren't comfortable with being trans yet.

You say you "remember that you're are trans again" ... as if you are trying to run from it.

It seems you view being trans negatively (that the entire experience of others looking at you and you talking about being trans made you "feel like a freak").

Are you out to a lot of people as trans? Do people around you accept that about you? Or are you living in stealth and scared of "the reaction" still?

At this point, so many people in my life know about me being a ->-bleeped-<- (and accept me, even though they don't understand it haha) that it honestly doesn't bug me what strangers think (though, I haven't really run into negative things besides my father).

Once you just be who you are... and accept yourself for who you are... you won't feel like a freak anymore. Sure being trans is a bit rare, but nothing freakish about it... it is actually pretty beautiful (and you are a good example of that! you are really cute )

[King Malachite]

Can't say I've been through that but I'm sorry you had to go through it.

-hugs for Zelda, Keaira, and Zylphia-

[Shantel]

Then some of the other lgbt people who were there stared at me when they were leaving the door, thinking I couldn't see them. 

Unfortunately people from the LGBT community are the absolute worse about clocking and outing other people. They know better but they do it anyway to show each other and you that although you are passing in front of everyday people who have no knowledge about trans people, and normally wouldn't be interested anyway, that they have read you. It's their ->-bleeped-<-ty little moment in the sun at your expense. Don't let it get you down!

[azSam]

It happens to me whenever I hang out with other trans-people. So I just don't hang out with them very much. I've actually said these words to them, that in my day to day life around my coworkers and friends that I am just me, I'm Samantha, a girl. But when I go to the meetings or talk with the trans people there it really just slams reality in my face and brings my self-esteem down, and in some cases causes me some dysphoria.

I'm sorry that your Mom calls you by male pronouns in the lgbt center, I think that's a little mean of her. But it's cool she's at least THAT supportive to take you to these places and help you maintain stealth in pubic.

[callmejoe]

Gosh, all the time! Especially with my family, which really hurts. But mostly what hurts is being called by the old pronouns and the old name. I feel like I literally went out and made a name for myself (and an identity with the pronouns), and people are blatantly ignoring it. I already felt like a piece of meat pre-transition; it doesn't help to have others refer back to that used state.

Most of my friends know I take hormones, even if they have no idea that I'm trans, so I know quite well what you mean. There's a very distinct difference between "a guy taking hormones" and "a transman going through HRT" (I'm FTM). Even other transfolk can't seem to help gawking like you're a serpent-monkey with a rainbow mohawk if they know. I've had a few friends start the gawk after I told them. It's awful.

[Steffi]

It happens to me whenever I hang out with other trans-people. So I just don't hang out with them very much. I've actually said these words to them, that in my day to day life around my coworkers and friends that I am just me, I'm Samantha, a girl. But when I go to the meetings or talk with the trans people there it really just slams reality in my face and brings my self-esteem down, and in some cases causes me some dysphoria.

This!

[Cadence Jean]

The fact that I'm trans is often on my mind when in public, likely because of where I'm at in transition.  However, there are times when I don't think of other people viewing me as anything but a woman, and when something happens that shatters that reality for other people, it's uber embarrassing for me.  Then I don't know what they consider me - a crossdresser, a drag queen, a dude in women's clothes?  I have no idea, but it scares me that they would no longer treat me like a woman, because I have spent so much time and energy on presenting myself as a woman.  A couple weekends ago, I was on a double-date(out to all parties involved), and after I paid with my credit card(which had my guy name on it), the waiter returned, handed me the bill, and said, "Thank you, sir."  I'm like...did that just happen?  None of my companions heard him - I had to ask them if I had heard him right.  It's been months since that has happened.  I was like, "Is he freakin retarded?  I mean, look at all this girlness."  I don't get people who can look right at someone and describe them as something polar opposite.  That's like looking at the night sky and saying, "The sky is white tonight." Huh??

So, yeah, I can sort of relate.  Have you explained to your mom how it makes you feel, like in a calm, respectful manner?  If she took a little more time before she spoke, and maybe if she kept eye contact with you as she was doing it, and really looked at YOU instead of the idea of you that she holds in her head, she would have an easier time referring to you by the right pronoun.

Yesterday I went to the transgender center which I go to have my hormone levels checked, get refills, and ask questions and stuff.  It was the first time I went there in about 13 months.  Last time I went I was not full time and was okay with that.  Now I've been full time for 4 months and have not been openly clocked once.  Guys have hit on me hardcore, asked my number, and other girls just assume I was born a girl.  Everything's gone so smoothly!  I went to the transgender center two days ago.  My mom called me "him" and he" there, which is the first time she's called me that publically in forever   Then some of the other lgbt people who were there stared at me when they were leaving the door, thinking I couldn't see them.  I'm sure they were trying to see if I was trans or not (since a lot of other trans people go there).  Also, this was the first time I had to openly discuss my trans status since going full time.  It really just made me feel like a "->-bleeped-<-" and not like a girl for a moment.  Have you ever gone through this?  Remember that you're trans again, when you normally feel like a girl?

[Stephe]

  It really just made me feel like a "->-bleeped-<-" and not like a girl for a moment. 

I guess I know I'm a ->-bleeped-<- but I also know I'm a women and neither makes me feel like a freak. It's nice finally being at peace with myself

[JoanneB]

I think the issue is you simply aren't comfortable with being trans yet.

You say you "remember that you're are trans again" ... as if you are trying to run from it.

It seems you view being trans negatively (that the entire experience of others looking at you and you talking about being trans made you "feel like a freak").

Are you out to a lot of people as trans? Do people around you accept that about you? Or are you living in stealth and scared of "the reaction" still?

At this point, so many people in my life know about me being a ->-bleeped-<- (and accept me, even though they don't understand it haha) that it honestly doesn't bug me what strangers think (though, I haven't really run into negative things besides my father).

Once you just be who you are... and accept yourself for who you are... you won't feel like a freak anymore. Sure being trans is a bit rare, but nothing freakish about it... it is actually pretty beautiful (and you are a good example of that! you are really cute )

Oh boy, timing is everything. While I've known and said it many times in the past, at yesterdays session with my therapist it was totally different. Uncomfortable saying/admitting it for sure until then. That was me, until gathering up the courage to attend the Maryland Senate hearing on SB212, aka the "bathroom bill" this past Tuesday. The second most import thing I've done for myself after reaching out to a TG support group.

The ironic part of this is that I've known I was trans since 4, felt I knew about all there was, even seriously experimented at transitioning twice when I was much younger and am married to a woman that knew all this almost from day one some 30 years ago. I may not be proud being trans. I do no longer hate myself for it.

[Stephe]

I may not be proud being trans. I do no longer hate myself for it.

I honestly think -this- is what is key to just getting on with your life. The self hatred of being trans is what destroys people. Most of the anger and lashing out I see from trans people is related to their self hatred of being trans.