Don't want to be that obvious transsexual...

[Kenzee]

 
   I don't want to be one of those obvious transsexuals, you know, the ones that stick out like a sore thumb. Being accepted as a woman and blending in with other women is important to me but sadly I don't think it will ever happen. I go to a support group for transwomen and all of them look obviously trans even from a distance. Most of them talk about how they lost all of their friends a family but they're happy because they can be themself's. I wonder sometimes if they're really happy or if they're just fooling themselves into believing that.

   I feel really really good when I present as female but I see how people stare at me and give weird looks and it's really annoying and makes me super depressed because the cold truth is i'll never pass as female and that fact runs through me like a knife. I get really bad body dysphoria which leaves me in agony everyday. I don't want to lose my friends and family and be society's joke. I couldn't be happy like that, yet I don't want to keeping pretending to be a guy.

  My family makes fun of me for being trans, they say i'm just a ->-bleeped-<-got and i'll never be female and if I try and explain to them that it's an internal feeling they say i'm just crazy. I'm thinking about suicide. Alot of people say suicide is just a cop out but I  think some people have no choice. When I think about killing myself I actually feel better and don't worry about my gender issues. I didn't want to be another statistic but maybe that's the best thing for me - a permanent solution to a permanent problem.

  Sorry I really didn't wanna make this into a cry for help thread, I just wanted to see if anybody else felt like this too.

     

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Always felt the same, except I have family support.
Very sorry for how you've been feeling lately.

[pebbles]

I know what your talking about I had the same opinion.

Note I'm not begin elitist I just didn't want to deal with prejudice if I wasn't getting anything from it As dressing like a female while nice wasn't critical thus I didn't go full time until I had a good level of passablity.

Note that while I was very lucky in that I am generally passable. however there was a significant interlude between when I'd been taking hormones and I went full time that I was functionally genderless and got stared at whether I was dressed as a guy or a girl. Thus my way wasn't painless.

So yeah I myself didn't go full time until begin on hormones for 9 months. While most psychatrists wouldn't accept such methods remember no matter what you should follow your own path.

[justmeinoz]

First off, please don't kill yourself, you will make a lot of people here sad for a start, even if we have just met.

It can get better, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment.  Lots of us have been there, many more than once too.

Do you have a Gender Therapist? If not, that is the first step to helping you ask yourself the right questions to help sort all these issues out.  Don't worry about the clothes etc too much yet. If you know you are a woman, you will still be, even if you are wearing a hessian sack.  Once you have sorted your internal issues out then it's time to start on the externals. 

Early in my transition I spent a lot of time observing how different women did things, right down to the smallest detail.  If your mannerisms are right, and you move like a woman you are half way there.  It does take time, but take it slowly and savour every new experience.  It won't be long before you can't even recognise your previous persona.

There are a lot of us from all parts of the world on here.  We are on different time zones so there is pretty much someone on at any time of the day or night if you need to vent. I am in Tasmania myself, and there are quite a few Aussie girls and guys in here.  I hope you can find what you are looking for here.

Karen.   

[K Style Addiction]

Always felt the same, except I have family support.
Very sorry for how you've been feeling lately.

+1

[Amazon D]

   I don't want to be one of those obvious transsexuals, you know, the ones that stick out like a sore thumb. Being accepted as a woman and blending in with other women is important to me but sadly I don't think it will ever happen. I go to a support group for transwomen and all of them look obviously trans even from a distance. Most of them talk about how they lost all of their friends a family but they're happy because they can be themself's. I wonder sometimes if they're really happy or if they're just fooling themselves into believing that.

   I feel really really good when I present as female but I see how people stare at me and give weird looks and it's really annoying and makes me super depressed because the cold truth is i'll never pass as female and that fact runs through me like a knife. I get really bad body dysphoria which leaves me in agony everyday. I don't want to lose my friends and family and be society's joke. I couldn't be happy like that, yet I don't want to keeping pretending to be a guy.

  My family makes fun of me for being trans, they say i'm just a ->-bleeped-<-got and i'll never be female and if I try and explain to them that it's an internal feeling they say i'm just crazy. I'm thinking about suicide. Alot of people say suicide is just a cop out but I  think some people have no choice. When I think about killing myself I actually feel better and don't worry about my gender issues. I didn't want to be another statistic but maybe that's the best thing for me - a permanent solution to a permanent problem.

  Sorry I really didn't wanna make this into a cry for help thread, I just wanted to see if anybody else felt like this too.

   

mAYBE IF YOU JUST DO SPIRANOLACTONE YOU CAN STOP THE t FROM AFFECTING YOUR MIND. tHAT WILL THEN MAKE YOU MORE HORMONALLY FEMALE. tHEN SEE IF YO NEED TO DO MORE OVER TIME. aNYONE CAN PASS IF THEY TRY AND SPEND ENOUGH $.. opps cap locks

I scrimped and saved for 13 yrs to earn enough to transition and then after around 10 yrs i started to dress down anyway. I didn't like how men were attracted to me..

What is your sexuality and why do you want to transition anyway?

[Hermione01]

@Kenzee, your post made me sad, please don't see killing yourself as an option. Some people might not be genuinely happy when they've lost family and friends, but some times you have to fake to make it. They survive on hope, that things will get better, and most of the time it will. 
See a gender therapist and maybe give this support group a miss for a while. Your family are pretty pathetic too, calling you names and such. IMO you need time away from them as well.
Find a good friend or two, people who understand and accept you. Plan your future, don't be afraid to look ahead and see yourself as you were truly meant to be.

[Gretchen]

There's no such thing as a perfect human being as hard as it is. I am a trans woman and it's obvious and I at times think my world is coming to an end because some jerk he'd me or I got the look for some one, but what I have found is that most of the people that I associate with accept me as woman. There is a lot of us who do not and never will look like a genetic woman, it's what we are inside that makes us who we are. We here in the trans community are a very strong group of people we go through ->-bleeped-<- that nobody should have to go through but we do because it's who we are no matter what we look like. Just because some of us have the gift of being able to appear as a genetic woman or man they have the same thoughts as all the rest of. Just take it one day at a time and remember that we are all sisters and brothers here on this site. Never give up, never surrender.

[Kyyn]

If you need help, then call for it. As long and as loud as you want.
There are people that want to listen and want to help.

Don't throw away the amazing woman you're becoming.

[Jayne]

I understand how you feel about wanting to kill yourself, most of us here will understand, I doubt htere's anyone going through this who hasn't had the thought from time to time.
You say that thinking about ending it makes you feel better so maybe you should ask your GP about anti depressants, there's no shame in saying that you are having difficulty in dealing with your problems & need help.

I had to ask my GP for medication 3 weeks ago, the first tablets gave me a whole host of side effects & i've been on a different pill for a week, whilst i'm not getting any benifit from the medication yet it helps to know that i'm tackling the problem instead of burying my head in the sand.

As the saying goes "a problem shared is a problem halved". There is always someone on here willing to offer support or an ear to bend so don't be afraid to ask.

[lilacwoman]

   I don't want to be one of those obvious transsexuals, you know, the ones that stick out like a sore thumb. ]

I stuck out like a sore thumb ten year sago when I was the only TS in the little hamlet of about 15 houses but today I caught the bus and went shopping and the bus driver called me 'love' - West Yorkshireese term - and in and out the shops and supermarket and no-one stared or muttered or did 'that ugly hyena laugh' ->-bleeped-<-s give when they read a TS.

So you have no idea how you will pass in a few years but if the family insist on calling you a ->-bleeped-<-got you have to decide if you need to split and be yourself or stay and be what they want you to be.

[Rabbit]

Ohh, I felt very similar to how you do

I was deathly afraid of turning into "one of those" transsexuals... the ones who seem like they have lost their minds and everyone snickers at behind their backs.

So, I thought really hard about how to avoid that. Why it happened... and what I could do to make sure it didn't happen to me.

Basically, it is simply just being aware of how you really look and what actually works on you (and what doesn't). If you don't pass and just stick with androgynous clothes... you have no problems. But, if you don't pass and try dressing in little bright pink dresses with a stuffed bear under your arm... well... you might have to deal with more problems.

Really, long term... there is a LOT you can do to try and pass. Start off with hormones... try growing out the hair... trim some eyebrows... and just go slowly and see how things go. If that isn't enough, you can always try facial surgeries... or wearing corset to change the body... or even taking out a rib and implants to reshape your body! If you REALLY REALLY need to pass, you could probably get there some day with enough work.

But, more importantly (at least for me) was getting to a point where I was just comfortable. Living in a place that is more understanding and having friends / family who support you are a good step in that.

And, of course, DON'T focus only on transitioning and having "passing as a girl" be your main focus in life. If you do that, you will obsess over it... and drive yourself crazy. Get a career, work on the MANY other aspects of life besides if people think you are male or female. Even if people see you as a male, there is no reason you can't be accepted as "one of the girls" and have the same type of "girlfriends" experience and all that.

From the outside... if you read forums and other stuff written by trans people ... it is easy to fall into thinking that gender is everything about life. Many trans people seem to try to blame all their problems on being trans... and think that the answer to fixing everything wrong in their life is simply "being a girl". It is easy to start to think that the world is a cruel binary world where men run around fighting eachother and women sit around shopping... and anyone else is murdered. In my experience, this is SOOOO untrue. Sure, you need to be on the lookout for problems... and maybe if you run into issues, you should consider moving somewhere more accepting... but once you get to a place that doesn't have a problem, you will find life is pretty normal... and you can just focus on being happy

Don't give up before you have even tried. There are TONS of people out there who will accept you COMPLETELY as trans... who really have no problems with it as long as you aren't running around in tiny pink dresses or anything else that is simply odd. Don't let being trans take over your life... don't rub it in peoples faces or be super sensitive about it (a great way to alienate others ) ... and you will be fine.

[pretty]

Yea I wouldn't want to be that trans person either, but honestly probably half of those cases, if not more, are just due to people not putting enough work into their transition.

I think that more than just not passing, those MTFs stand out because they give off eccentric vibes, whether because of a tacky/awkward presentation, refusal or no effort to wear makeup, refusal or no effort to learn about fashion, and refusal or no effort to improve their voice.

So I'm not trying to say everyone can achieve a 100% pass rate, but I do think everyone can at least look like a mostly normal person. And most people could pass a lot better than they do if they were willing to put as much work into it as it really requires. Honestly, when I read things here sometimes like "I don't want to wear makeup" or "I don't want to wear feminine clothes" I understand that that's everyone's personal choice, but at the same time I know that that kind of thing is what causes people to stand out.

I used to know a person like that, too. Now I'm not going to lie, this person was tall, heavily built, etc. But at the same time, she passed occasionally. And you know what? She didn't wear makeup, didn't take good care of her hair or skin, wore, at best, plain, dull, androgynous clothes and big thick-rimmed glasses. Her voice could have used a lot of work. If she had actually worked on all of those things, she would not have stood out that much, despite her physical difficulties.

[Stephe]

That is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you expect to be read, you will be. Why? Because you will give out 'signals' that others pick up on. They will wonder why you give them nervy stares and they will study you hard to see why you are doing that.

+1 on this. Transition is very hard work and it's a combination of appearance, how you carry yourself (being confidant), mannerisms, voice etc etc. I have zero issues now and assume I either am passing as female or am congruent enough where people see woman or who knows nor do I really care why people accept me. I can say it took a LOT of work and several years to get to this point. I was looking at some pictures of myself the first day I started living full time and cringed lol. That did take a lot of nerve to do that

While I have never been to a TG support group, I know a TG group and they fit the description you gave. Most speak in very male voices, too much makeup, wear over the top floral sundress outfits that they seriously will never be able to pull off a female look in etc. I want to sit them down and tell them all this but it's not my place. Or maybe I should? IDK.

I guess at first NONE of us passed very well but after a ton of work some of us got to a point where we are "good enough" to live as women. I think most people can if they put the time and effort into it and have realistic expectations.

[Naturally Blonde]

I used to be very smug and confident about my appearance and size after going to a Transsexual support group and seeing all these very tall people strangely dressed with heavy make up and deep gravely voices! they didn't represent woman at all to me! I thought I must be in the wrong place!  but no matter how confident and closely proportioned in size I thought I was to a cis women I still find out and see many flaws in my own physical transition.

[Gretchen]

I guess at first NONE of us passed very well but after a ton of work some of us got to a point where we are "good enough" to live as women. I think most people can if they put the time and effort into it and have realistic expectations.

True story. Especially the "Good Enough" part.