oh do i hate the fence, it has had a seat with my name on it for a while now

[Madison (kiara jamie)]

so let me just preface this topic with the short question

should i continue with full transition, not transition and stay on hrt, or should i just stop calling myself transgender and pretend like it was a phase

so this girl and me started getting intimate, i thought we would eventually date, but i broke my back, she starts dating some guy without telling me and tells me when i finally heal up about it, but she breaks up with him at the same time but tells me that she doesn't find me attractive in a relationship sense anymore

i start hormones and that makes being friends with her and trying not to fall in love with her very difficult, she tells me that women would be more attracted to me if i just cut my hair to a male length, i eventually get blackout drunk at her place drive home and when she calls i tell her that i hate her and that we shouldn't be friends anymore

my finances have been scrape by low for the winter since it is slow and i barely have work, then today when i finally put my feet back under myself financially, my truck pops out of gear and rolls into a trailer causing a $2500 bill that i have to pay in one week, when i check with my insurance they say that i have more tickets than on there records and decides to redo my next years insurance at $600 higher annually



with my finances being a complete nightmare currently, and barely being able to pay for it staying as a man, i will have to stay male till christmas just to break even

emotionally i could cut my hair and just pretend that im not trans and live for my sexuality and try to ignore my gender identity, but with or without hormones, and at my age and height, passing will be a constant struggle for the rest of my life

my recent heart break was 4 years since the last serious emotional break, but it started to make me doubt my gender identity

i am just lost as if i should just choose to transition or just live in the closet the rest of my life, i just wonder if anyone has had doubts like this and regretted it, or if it is just the temptations of a new love that push GID away for a while that eventually come back,

im just unhappy and have almost no outlook of happiness
please help

[Ellie]

Well just think, would transistioning, make you forever happy? You should make that your first priority if you feel strong about it, lots of stuff will come forth of achieveing your goal, which will make you feel more self satisfied once you achieve it, alot of relationships don't last forever, but i believe when you have a new love, you wanna just drop everything and be "normal" but even so you will dwell in this whole transgender thing again and feel worse, it doesnt just go away, making yourself happy is the most important thing, i think you should just try to correct your finances and get everything on track for yourself before worrying about others

[K Style Addiction]

I'll be blunt, i came here expecting an unattractive girl...you are not that, you are quite pretty infact. I can't really help you though i wish i could, maybe some of the other more settled girls can help but i think if it's truly your desire to be female, you should never give up. Lovers come and go, she isn't the only woman in the world...i know it's easy for me to say but imo just the fact that she cheated on you when your back was out, she wasn't worth your heartache hunny.

at my age and height, passing will be a constant struggle for the rest of my life

How tall could you be? I'm 5'11" i feel the same way you do but i still have that little glimmer of hope although it's dying you have to keep it.

Everything i said hopefully helped you, it may be a bunch of crap i don't know...i don't really give advice, so take it for what's it's worth.

*hugs*

[Siobhan]

look to your right and you will see me sitting on that fence next to you, I certainly feel a similar way.
For what its worth your picture looks nice, so I guess there is always hope

[justmeinoz]

If you are financially in difficulty, then basic survival comes first.  Once you have the food, rent etc taken care of, maybe just do the minimum to keep the GID at bay, until you get sorted, and can move forward.  There's nothing wrong with beating a retreat back to a safe location for a while.
As regards looks, not a lot to worry about sis.

Karen.

[Trans Truth]

First of all, straight women are attracted to men, not women. If you are a woman, they're not your type. You have to face it.

The question then becomes if you are a man or a woman. Only you can know this yourself.

[Siobhan]

Words of wisdom beverley as usual...

[Madison (kiara jamie)]

so i had a long nights sleep after i posted earlier, and well i guess i was just being overwhelmed with my finances, and then when one thing goes bad you look at everything else going wrong in your life, lots of your responses were supportive and well full transition in the end would most definitely make me the happiest since i would have my GID go away and the thought of going back on testosterone is just terrifying, i will have to deal with having to find a lesbian partner since my attraction to men probably isn't going to happen

i guess i just need to remember this moment, and the next time that i get down and realizes that its just overwhelming me, i have to remind myself that tomorrow the problems always seem smaller

thnx for the replies ladies